Let’s Talk To Apor Part 1
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 38: I am Apor
DBM: Hi Apor. Please tell me a little about yourself
Apor: I will be 41 this year; I am single, and do not take myself too seriously. I am confident about who I am and how I look; I do what I say and say what I mean. I am an Auditor by profession.
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Apor: I have a date on the 18th of January.
DBM: Hehehehehe! That’s nice. First date?
Apor: Yes Sir
DBM: How do you feel about it?
Apor: I am excited and scared at the same time. It’s a bit nerve-wracking
DBM: You can never predict the outcome of these things
Apor: You see?
DBM: Why are you single?
Apor: I am single because in the past, I had been chasing just pretty faces, without checking for a kind heart. The other reason is, my work schedule is tight, and I don’t think I have prioritized my dating life seriously. I also find the thought of asking a woman out super scary and intimidating; I fear being hurt or taken for granted by a woman I may love.
DBM: Do you wish to be in a serious commitment someday?
Apor: Yes, Dave! I want a wife; I want to experience marriage, and I want children.
DBM: How did you meet?
Apor: At a funeral.
DBM: Oh boy! Lol!
Apor: She was stealing quick glances at me
DBM: How do you know?
Apor: Because she smiled wryly when we made eye contact
DBM: I see. Who made the first move?
Apor: She did. We were seated directly opposite each other at the funeral grounds. She walked to me the moment it was clear we had been staring at each other continuously. She took my phone, asked for my password and just put her number in it. She went back to her seat. I didn’t get to even talk to her at the funeral, because she left without saying goodbye.
DBM: You called her, no?
Apor: That was the second puzzle; I didn’t know her number and the name saved to it. So, I had to go through the contacts on my phone. She saved her name as, ‘You’re going to like me’.
DBM: Hehehehe! I like her already.
Apor: I know, right? She’s a mystery to me
DBM: You’ve spoken to her?
Apor: I have, and I think I like her. I see potential
DBM: That’s good to know. What are your expectations?
Apor: I want a secure, self-confident and strong woman who lives her life from a place of meaning and purpose.
DBM: Purpose in which sense?
Apor: Whatever means something to her, I am good to go with that. I am searching for a woman who is not waiting for me to come and complete her. I don’t think I will be attracted to a woman I have to rescue and build a life for her to come and enjoy.
DBM: What else?
Apor: Someone who speaks her mind when it comes to her needs and expectations. I am not good at navigating through people’s feelings to interpret what they’re saying.
DBM: Anymore?
Apor: Respect and admiration for who I am and not what I do for a living. I am not attracted to manipulation and lies; emotionally unstable women, drama and immaturity.
DBM: I see
Apor: And she has to know how to cook well
DBM: Why is that important?
Apor: It will keep me excited to be coming home every day to my wife’s home-cooked meals. I want to be proud of my wife’s cooking skills and brag about it. Also, friends and family will be coming to our house a lot, and I’d want them to know why she won her way to my heart. We will have children too; their mother should know how to cook.
DBM: What if she can’t cook but is great at taking care of you and making you feel loved and comfortable and happy?
Apor: Cooking for me is taking care of me.
DBM: But in this scenario, she can’t cook
Apor: That will be a big problem
DBM: Can you cook?
Apor: I can’t cook
DBM: Let’s assume she also can’t cook well, but can make the attempt to prepare something for the house – that may or not taste so great, may be a little undercooked or overcooked. Are you going to still eat it and thank her for trying?
Apor: That will be problematic for me, Dave.
DBM: A relationship with you should be about her being a good cook?
Apor: If we become parents, my children shouldn’t be relying on me to be caring for their diet?
DBM: You can employ a help for the house
Apor: I don’t like the idea of a house help
DBM: Then, you need to also learn how to cook in order to build the happy home you’re dreaming of.
Apor: Lol! Occasionally, I would try to mess things around in the kitchen but …
DBM: What if you genuinely get to like your date on Wednesday, but find out she’s choosing to pursue higher education and her career, while juggling personal life; are you still going to expect her to cook a full meal, all by herself after getting home by 6: 45 pm?
Apor: I can’t cook to save my life
DBM: But you’re doing okay all by yourself; meaning you can manage with the same strategy you’re working with, or simply learn how to cook alongside your wife.
Apor: I am very tired when I get home from work, that’s why I buy food from outside
DBM: A lot of women equally leave behind their mental and physical stress when they get home from work. You are no different from a career woman.
Apor: All the wives I know cook for their husbands and family
DBM: All the wives of other people will not be married to you. And it is outright cruelty to be expecting a woman working the same hours as you to be cooking all by herself at home, all in the name of being a woman, wife or mother.
Apor: Then I will have to keep searching till I find the lady who meets my standard
DBM: Women fall sick, for weeks, for months. Would you expect her to still cook?
Apor: My mother will help when such a time comes.
DBM: What if your mother is dead by then? Wouldn’t you want to also earn your wife’s love and respect by preparing her a scrumptious meal?
Apor: Let’s find out if this date knows how to cook first. We will cross the bridge when we reach it.
DBM: My only concern is that you are setting the bar too high for the perfect woman, that you may end up overlooking the right woman.
Apor: I know what I am looking for Dave, but it’s like I don’t know what could be good for me.
DBM: My recommendation would be, go on this date with the intention of looking for a match. You can find the one person who is right for you at any time.
Apor: Okay!
DBM: There is a lot that you can learn about a person on a first date.
Apor: True.
DBM: All the best to you on Wednesday. Please keep me updated. I would love to chat with you again after the date.
Apor: Dave … Dave Lol!
DBM: I will look forward to it. Lol!
Image Credit: K Makhasette
