Let’s Talk To Wyatt
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 109: Name is Wyatt
DBM: Hi Wyatt. How would you describe yourself?
Wyatt: Someone’s beau, humorous, handsome, sexy, dapper, brilliant, hardworking, supportive, adventurous, very confident and can be affectionate.
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Wyatt: Seven
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Wyatt: I am in a six-year relationship with my girlfriend. Honestly bro, I am very content with what we have and okay to let our relationship stay just the way it is, boyfriend-girlfriend, without any status change. My girl on the other hand, wants an upgrade in my level of commitment to her… And she feels marriage does that for her. I am not dragging my feet about this whole marriage conversation; it’s just that I don’t think it’s all that important if we still have what we have, which we both love.
DBM: Marriage is not important to YOU, you mean to say, no?
Wyatt: Dave, we’re doing everything married people do. How is that any different?
DBM: How old are you?
Wyatt: 39
DBM: How old is your lady?
Wyatt: 33
DBM: What do you do for a living?
Wyatt: I’m a statistician
DBM: And your lady?
Wyatt: Nurse anesthetist
DBM: So, you’re in the position to be married then?
Wyatt: I can get married today, that’s not the issue. I am not ready
DBM: When do you think you will be ready?
Wyatt: When I’m ready. I don’t see the rush in this
DBM: Do you know why your lady wants marriage?
Wyatt: She’s eight weeks pregnant, and I think that’s her sudden tick-tock
DBM: Congratulations!
Wyatt: Thank you!
DBM: There should be a reason why you don’t want to be married now. If I don’t want marriage, I would know why. Why don’t you want to get married?
Wyatt: Marriage can be a lot of work
DBM: How do you know?
Wyatt: I just know
DBM: From which experience? You’ve never been married, have you?
Wyatt: Friends share their experiences with me. I have family members also talking. Most of my married male friends wish they were single
DBM: How does their unique experiences reflect on how yours could become?
Wyatt: Marriage puts unnecessary expectations on a man’s behavioral commitment. I don’t think I am ready for such a transition.
DBM: Enlighten me on the behavioral commitment bit
Wyatt: If I am to get married, then it means I would be limiting myself only to my girlfriend. This makes me miss out on so much
DBM: Miss out, how?
Wyatt: Come on, Dave, you’re a guy
DBM: I honestly do not understand your statement
Wyatt: I also don’t know how to explain it
DBM: Can I try putting myself in the shoes of your woman?
Wyatt: In which sense?
DBM: I want to try arguing from her perspective
Wyatt: Smh!
DBM: Being married would protect our baby. Our child can lead a healthier, long life if we’re to be officially committed
Wyatt: Dave, giving our child a loving and safe upbringing requires just more than a ring and a priest. Our child will not be anything less than ours; he or she is not going to be illegitimate, or a bastard. He or she is not a sin if born out of wedlock. Us being unmarried doesn’t necessarily risk our unborn child into poverty. He or she will not fail in school because we are not married. Our child will not suffer from emotional or behavioral problems because we are not married. How we raise and protect him or her would solely be our decision to make.
DBM: How about the fact that, marriage can offer me the legal protection that could or would make it more pleasing a step for me to take before giving birth to our child?
Wyatt: It’s just a piece of paper. Luckily for me, my girlfriend does not rely on me to survive. She works and earns her own money, even though we support ourselves and would do same for the child when its finally here.
DBM: Let’s assume she isn’t working
Wyatt: She works. Let’s stick to what my current reality is
DBM: In your response to my earlier question, you stated that marriage may limit you to just one woman. How about your woman wanting marriage because deep down, she feels it could increase your sexual fidelity?
Wyatt: I know she believes that
DBM: Do you?
Wyatt: Dave, you have been chatting with a ton of married women and men. Is that the reality on the ground? Because all of my married male friends are cheating on their wives. Nothing really has changed
DBM: Are you cheating on your girlfriend?
Wyatt: I am
DBM: And you don’t think a commitment in marriage would make you want to do right by her?
Wyatt: I am doing right by her. Having a few affairs isn’t an indication of whether or not I am a bad person.
DBM: But do you feel like something is missing in your relationship with your lady?
Wyatt: Nothing is missing or broken. We’re intact. I am happy
DBM: Is she happy?
Wyatt: I think so
DBM: How would she feel if she’s to find out about your affairs?
Wyatt: I don’t know
DBM: Are you satisfied with your self and actions as a man?
Wyatt: Somewhat. I am always doing what is best for me
DBM: How would you define your relationship with your girlfriend?
Wyatt: We’re exclusive. She’s my world, my everything. And I love her so much
DBM: So, you have agreed to be exclusive with her, yet here you are doing other women on the side while your leading lady is remaining true to you and your agreement of exclusivity. How fair do you think you are being? Is she not satisfying you sexually?
Wyatt: She is
DBM: Have you fallen in love with any of those other ladies?
Wyatt: No!
DBM: Is there boredom in your relationship?
Wyatt: No, we have a lot of fun. Dave, I am not a bad person.
DBM: You may not be a bad person, but you clearly aren’t an honest man
Wyatt: What do you want me to do? Marry her even though I don’t feel like it?
DBM: No! From what you have told me, marrying her wouldn’t even be a realistic promise of permanence – with regards to your romantic relationship. But Wyatt, you can at least be honest with yourself and your woman for a change.
Wyatt: I am honest the best way possible.
DBM: I see. Was the pregnancy planned?
Wyatt: No
DBM: Okay!
Image Credit: Ryutaro Tsukata
