Sharod: David, I have to commend you. Your Facebook is lit. Honest to God; I used to not believe anything on your platform. Some of the stories were too good to be true until my own brother from the same mother and father shared his marital issues with you and made us read some of the comments under his story.
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Well, I don’t really care whether or not you believe it. I am more interested in the lessons to be learnt from each story.
Sharod: Take a chill pill Bruh, it’s a compliment.
DBM: I know. Thanks!
Sharod: I have a positive story to share. 21 years ago, I rented a house that my now wife, had just moved out of. It was a very simple house. It had 2 decent sized bedrooms, 1 bathroom, a living room, a dining area, and a kitchen that was connected to the dining. It was very spacious and neat. The layout was spot-on. It did not feel cramped like where I had moved from. The bones of the house were solid; it had strong floors, walls and roof. It was relaxing and comfortable, as I was making myself at home three weeks after moving in. Then one evening, I heard an unexpected knock on my door. It was raining heavily that night. I opened the door and there stood this guy with a look of confusion written all over his face. He was looking for the former tenant. I told him I had moved in not long ago. Two days later, another man came knocking on the door. Four days later, a different guy came knocking looking for the same lady. I called the landlord to inform her. That was when she shared the hot gossip. The former tenant had wild orgies at the house and those guys were probably some of her participants or customers. In fact, that was the first best thing I had heard since moving to the area.
DBM: Lol! You’re funny!
Sharod: True. I was a hardworking, single young man in my early 30’s who needed a break to relax, have fun and let my hair down to enjoy some of the pleasures of life. Being part of an orgy had been a secret dream of mine.
DBM: How did you meet your wife?
Sharod: That’s the story I’m telling. I went out partying one weekend and I bumped into a lady. We were talking and getting to know each other. She asked where I stayed and I told her my new address. She laughed and asked me to give her a second. She ran back to the party and returned holding hands with my wife. She introduced us and then told me she used to live in my house. Come and see me smiling. I had finally found the legend. Her friend, before leaving us alone to chat, whispered to me, ‘You’re the type she usually goes for’.
DBM: Was she your type?
Sharod: I don’t usually have a type. I prefer giving people a shot, and before I know it, I’m having all the fun and I’m hooked. That’s how I know who complements me. If you don’t try giving people a chance with you, you may never know what works for you.
DBM: I concur!
Sharod: I told her about her male visitors at my door and we both laughed at the joke. I didn’t know what to expect but I was interested in knowing more about her life. That is one of the awesome things about getting to know all manner of people. You learn something new. Her days of partying, drinking and doing orgies were over. Damn. Not when it was supposed to be my turn. Lol
DBM: You’re silly! Lol! Why was she into that lifestyle, did you know?
Sharod: I asked her that question. She used to date a guy who was addicted to porn and always joked about how tempting it would be for them to have sex with another couple. She said her ex used to fantasize about sex with multiple partners. It wasn’t something she was interested in but because she loved the guy, she gave it a try. Her first experience turned out to be different from the way she had pictured it in her head.
DBM: Good different or bad?
Sharod: She didn’t like it but she kept doing it with him for a while to please him. She stopped when their relationship finally ended.
DBM: That was when she moved out of the house?
Sharod: I think.
DBM: Okay!
Sharod: We became friends and through our friendship, realized how much we liked each other. Nothing was more stimulating than when I realized her care for me could make me still surprise myself. I didn’t know I could love a woman so deeply. She reaffirmed the right kind of love and fondness that left a good taste in my mouth and later, heart. I wanted our relationship to work so I became too loyal. When I realized I was falling in love with her, I knew I didn’t have to have everything I thought I had to have in order to be happy in life. Appreciating one good woman and making sure she’s everything important to you is all it takes to be happy with your wife.
DBM: Are you happily married?
Sharod: Happily married for almost 20 years.
DBM: What do you like the most about the way your life is right now?
Sharod: I’m at peace with myself. I have peace in my heart.
DBM: What was your first impression of your wife, and what do you think about her now?
Sharod: She was different. That was my first impression of her. We could laugh together over stories from her past. We could listen to the reasons why we did what we did. My thoughts about her now are almost the same as my first impressions. I made the best decision for myself. She belongs in my heart. When she agreed the first day her friend introduced her to me at the party, to go back home with me to where she started life as an independent woman, and upon arrival, didn’t have to relive her wild memories with me, but rather made me understand a phase she once belonged in that home, I knew I could hold history in that house with her.
DBM: Before you met your wife, what were your views on marriage?
Sharod: I don’t know. My parents were married and I thought I would too. I knew exactly what I wanted and expected out of a love relationship, and I was not afraid to keep pushing until I found it in someone.
DBM: Was there anything about your wife that you wanted to change after you had gotten married?
Sharod: No. I loved her just the way she was. Marriage brought us closer and we still share the warmth, respect, excitement and our little acts of love. I’ve not stopped loving my wife. I’ve not stopped choosing my wife. I’ve not stopped celebrating my wife. I’ve not stopped belonging to my wife. I have not tricked her into thinking I am someone I am not. I’m still showing her my best side because I’m trying everyday to secure my marriage and relationship with her. I’m very intentional when it comes to our relationship, because in my mind, there’s still something to ‘woo’. I’m a big-time flirt when it comes to my wife. You will always see me amping my sultry side to just hookup with her.
DBM: How has your sex lives changed, and how do you communicate if you’re unsatisfied?
Sharod: I desire sex but it’s not an urgent need. Marriages of my friends ended because they saw sex as a need. It was a must have, else… It becomes a justification, intentionally or unintentionally to do things outside the marriage. My wife knows that sex draws us closer and she’s capable of putting my desires ahead of her own. When she’s not in the mood, I am capable of understanding her and suppressing my desires for the right time. I have a question.
DBM: Ask away
Sharod: How do you get through a difficult conflict in your marriage?
DBM: Lol! My partner and I hug. One of us, one way or the other would initiate a hug an hour or two after the disagreement. We don’t talk. We just stay in the warmth and comfort of the embrace. Every pride is put aside for the hug. It’s something we look forward to after a fight. We find strength in our tears – if any of us had to cry it all out. It has always been our unspoken promise of being there for one another. We’ve never insulted each other before. I have been mean every now and then but it wasn’t intended to hurt anyone. It’s not always a practical gesture and I don’t know if it’s going to work for everyone else, but we’ve been intentional on working out our differences with a hug. We’re seven years down the line and still married and expressing affection and reassurance.
Sharod: That’s a mature move there. How old are you?
DBM: 40
Sharod: And your significant other?
DBM: Also 40
Sharod: Nice one. It was nice talking to you David Bondze-Mbir.
Image Credit: Kampus
