Let’s Talk To Mamle
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 136: Mamle
DBM: Hi Mamle. How would you describe yourself?
Mamle: Radiant, scrumptious, gorgeous, fun to be with, hardworking, troublesome, peaceful, friendly and very active
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Mamle: 6
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Mamle: My boyfriend is on my case as we speak to agree to his request of recording us while having sex. I am not comfortable with it; I have made it known to him but he keeps giving me pressure.
DBM: Have you asked his reasons for such a request?
Mamle: He says our sex life is something he thinks about a lot because he cherishes it, and so, having it videoed for him to be watching it every now and then would add to the beauty of it. It’s a recording he claims would be viewed by just the two of us.
DBM: Would you want to have such a footage of yourself on phone?
Mamle: Never
DBM: So, tell him that
Mamle: I have, but he keeps bringing it up. He’s been sending me recordings of him masturbating, etc.
DBM: What do you do with such videos?
Mamle: I watch them, and keep it on my phone.
DBM: Why?
Mamle: It turns me on sometimes
DBM: And, you give him such feedback?
Mamle: I do. It excites me in so many ways. And these random moments are build-ups to us meeting and having sex on the regular. I appreciate it when he sends me videos of himself doing things. I don’t ask for them, he sends them my way voluntarily
DBM: Have you also captured yourself on camera doing things for him?
Mamle: No. I don’t trust the internet
DBM: Imagine your sex tape with him becoming available publicly?
Mamle: That is what I cannot imagine.
DBM: How long have you two been together?
Mamle: 4 years
DBM: What is the end goal?
Mamle: To make a lifetime commitment together
DBM: In marriage?
Mamle: Yes
DBM: How old are you?
Mamle: 33
DBM: Him?
Mamle: 36
DBM: What’s his profession?
Mamle: He’s an Accountant
DBM: You?
Mamle: A nurse
DBM: I see
Mamle: A part of me wants to give in because it’s something that I know would make him very happy
DBM: Why is a part of him not willing to respect your discomfort?
Mamle: I also don’t understand
DBM: I know a lot of women who couldn’t overcome the temptation of compromising themselves, all because a reward of love was put on the table. Question is, is he worth risking the unknown?
Mamle: I love him and he loves me too
DBM: Do you trust him?
Mamle: I do
DBM: How do you measure your trust in/for him?
Mamle: I don’t understand the question
DBM: Let’s assume your relationship suddenly ends on a bad note, would your mind be at peace knowing he’s got your nudes and videos on his phone – and that, you trust it wouldn’t be all over the internet?
Mamle: No
DBM: Okay!
Mamle: But how about we record it, and then delete it a few days after watching it?
DBM: How about you film it alright, but then his phone or yours gets stolen the next morning?
Mamle: Hmmm!
DBM: The lust I know in men knows no boundaries
Mamle: He will be cautious; I know my boyfriend
DBM: Good luck with that
Mamle: He’s not the type of guy to be making unnecessary demands of me. This is his first serious request and I don’t want him to feel like I don’t trust or denying him. Moreover, you are the same people always preaching compromise in relationships on your platforms. Isn’t it the same?
DBM: I believe in compromising, but to some extent. I will not compromise too much to the extent of losing myself. It’s never okay to overcompensate, simply because it makes the other person happy.
Mamle: I understand
DBM: Do you feel like already, you’re giving away more than you should of yourself – all in the name of love?
Mamle: I don’t know
DBM: If you’ve ever been cautioned intuitively about certain things you’re doing in the relationship, simply because it’s what your boyfriend wants or is pleased with; if deep down it feels like a red flag to you, then please don’t be sweeping it under the carpet that easily
Mamle: I’ve heard you. Dave, my second problem is, I do not know for sure if he’s going to marry me.
DBM: Have you brought the marriage conversation up with him?
Mamle: Many times
DBM: And?
Mamle: He is not ready to get married
DBM: Are you?
Mamle: I’ve been ready for a long time
DBM: Why is he not ready?
Mamle: I don’t know. He says he will marry me at the right time
DBM: How do you know you’re ready to marry your boyfriend?
Mamle: I love him, and I don’t want to remain single for so long
DBM: But you’re not single
Mamle: I’m unmarried, so still single
DBM: I see. Has he a timeline he’s working with to marry you?
Mamle: Not that I know of
DBM: So, sit him down and create a time-table that would work for the both of you.
Mamle: Would that not be putting pressure on him?
DBM: It’s all about coming to a compromise to plan your future with him. It’s not about you insisting, but discussing the next step within a favorable time-frame together
Mamle: And what if he’s still indecisive about marriage?
DBM: There was a point in my life, I could genuinely love someone, but at the same time desire and want something totally different – that did not include the one person I loved in the picture. I can be in love with you, and still not be the best choice of a spouse for you. You know that, no?
Mamle: He’s all I know
DBM: There’s more to know
Mamle: Hmmm!
DBM: Participant 135, Chibueze, left a question for you: ‘If you had to be in a long-term relationship for two years without your spouse’s physical presence, would you remain faithful?’
Mamle: This is a hard one. Distance can impact my emotional connection with someone I love. It can make me feel neglected, even though we might be communicating on phone. And if the neglected me is to meet someone close-by I connect with, it will eventually start to feel like I have someone in my life. My intention may not be to have an affair but I may end up having an affair.
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Mamle: How do you live your life on a daily basis: Do you prefer planning every detail in advance or you’re the spontaneous type?
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: Letticia Massari
