Coupling Right
Pete: My wife was a placeholder in her ex-fiancé’s life after they had been together for 9 and half years. She gave him her best years until he met this young other lady that he later married. They’re divorced now, last I heard. Anyway, I asked my wife to marry me, 9 days after meeting her. She was 34. I was 39. I, alongside a few senior members of my family went to her father’s house to announce my intentions of marrying her. My wife was shocked. Her parents were shocked. My parents were confused because they didn’t know anything about her. My wife didn’t even know the names of my parents or siblings. In fact, she did not know my full name. She did not know where I stayed. I was in shock, yet I did it.
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Nine days after you first set eyes on her?
Pete: 9 days. We got married 2 months later. It took 2 months because we had to follow her church’s laid down guidelines for marriage.
DBM: Did you know her that well to want to make such a huge commitment?
Pete: No
DBM: So, what was your reason then?
Pete: I knew what I wanted. I had been dating and chasing different girls prior to meeting my wife. I knew who I wanted for a wife the second day I went on a date with her. She was the woman I was certain I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
DBM: What was so special about her?
Pete: I cannot pinpoint the imperfectly perfect attributes to her as at that time, but I knew for a fact that she did not tick all of my usual boxes of what I often would go for in a woman. She was my type, yet wasn’t my type but I still somewhat, wanted to be near her. I wanted to be her friend. I wanted to be her best friend. I wanted to be a better man for her to know. I wanted to make her smile and see her laugh. I wanted her to feel loved. I wanted her to have my love. It’s a silly unaccountable good feeling.
DBM: How long have you been married?
Pete: 27 years in September.
DBM: How did you meet?
Pete: I gave her a free ride in my car at a bus stop. It was raining and she was crying. As soon as I caught sight of her, I just knew I wanted to make her smile. It wasn’t love at first sight that struck like a lightening to leave me wondering. It was simply a gesture to want to see her smile. And she smiled for me eventually when I got her home.
DBM: How has the 26 years of being together been like?
Pete: It’s been good, it’s been bad but overall, good for me.
DBM: Kids?
Pete: No
DBM: You want kids?
Pete: I do but her situation is unique and we may not be able to have children of our own.
DBM: What is her unique situation, if you don’t mind sharing?
Pete: Before we got married, she had made me understand that she had had 4 abortions due to unplanned pregnancies for her ex-fiancé, and wasn’t sure the state of her womb.
DBM: Did it bother you?
Pete: Initially, it did not till I found out her ex had two kids with the woman he married. That got me angry because we had been married for 5 years by then. But I’d want to state that I came into this marriage with my eyes wide open.
DBM: Can you still do the rest of your life with her without children in the marriage?
Pete: Dave, childbearing has not taken too much of a toll on our marriage. We are content with what our situation offers us presently. We are taking advantage of the extra time, the extra money that could have been spent on a child, and the total freedom to do things for each other. It’s not an obligation to be a parent.
DBM: I concur. It’s not for everyone.
Pete: Yes, but it’s also a choice.
DBM: Have you had an affair or attempted to have a child outside of your marriage?
Pete: No. Respect for a spouse is not a light switch. Love is not a light switch we turn on and off to betray the people we are supposed to honor, as and when we please. My wife is the only woman who has ever made me feel at peace with my decision to want to marry and stay married to just one woman. She gives me every reason to want to be exceptional. Exceptional men stay true to their words. I vowed to make her feel loved and seen and valued. I’m going to keep my word.
Image Credit: Japhet Kweba
