David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 79: You can call me SafoMaame
DBM: Hi SafoMaame. How would you describe yourself?
SafoMaame: I fear being a failure. I fear being rejected if I am to speak the truth. I used to not drink. Now, I actually enjoy a good vodka or gin because those are the drinks my husband hides in the cabinet at home. I am no longer passionate about the office I occupy; I am no longer passionate about my marriage; I am no longer passionate about my husband.
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
SafoMaame: I’d say 4 over 10
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
SafoMaame: I am supposed to be the wife of a Prophet, but my husband is toxic. And I am worried about the foundation of his church, putrefying. The second concern is my son. I asked him what he wants to become in future, and he said, he wants to be like his daddy.
DBM: How long have you been married?
SafoMaame: My husband is very active on his social media platforms, so I don’t want to be specific with personal information.
DBM: Understood! You’re still married to him, no?
SafoMaame: Yes
DBM: Why do you describe your husband as toxic?
SafoMaame: I have never seen a man as arrogant as my husband is. He is calculating and crafty, unforgiving, selfish, always lying and exaggerating; and only chases after the endorsement of people. He is his most prophetic when he comes into contact with a rich man or woman. He will say and do anything to cajole or indulge them, so far as they have money. I am sorry to say this, but he is not trustworthy.
DBM: Was he always like this?
SafoMaame: I’d say yes and no, though I had my reservations about him, even back then – when we were dating.
DBM: What kinds of doubts?
SafoMaame: He has difficulty acknowledging his transgressions. He sees the call upon his life to be unique, and above the biblical standard. I know some of his junior pastors in church who are scholarly and can preach and speak into the lives of the congregation way better than him. My husband knows these young, spirit-filled guys can do the job better, but would not share his pulpit. Anything that would influence the attention of the people off him, he would not allow. It always has to be his name on the lips of people; his brand, his message. If a junior pastor proposes a solid idea that benefits the church, at a church-executives meeting, he will undermine the proposal simply because it didn’t come from him. If he feels threatened by a discerning junior pastor, he will send them off to the field to go and establish a branch of the church elsewhere, without any help from him or the church.
DBM: This is not healthy
SafoMaame: Mr. David, if I am to tell you what I am dealing with
DBM: I believe in a church that is bursting with diverse voices and giftings; a church that is welcoming to different minds and interpretations, when it comes to The Word of GOD. I prefer a pastor who doesn’t mind sharing his stage
SafoMaame: Not my husband. He has a dollar account in the name of the church, but the funds are being used for his personal purchases overseas: homes, cars, designer shoes and tailored clothing, etc.
DBM: At the end of the day, it’s your family that’s benefiting from all this, no?
SafoMaame: Yes, and that is why I am troubled. He is not doing things the right way. My husband will accuse a church staff for the same thing he’s doing with church money. Dave, the horrific things my husband has done …
DBM: What has he done?
SafoMaame: Let me tell you about one or two. There are women in our church who unfortunately, are unable to conceive in their marriages. I know my husband prays for a number of them during regular Sunday church services and consultation during the week. Many of them eventually get pregnant. They will come to church to thank my husband after giving birth, give their offerings, but then, stop church afterwards. I kept wondering why I wasn’t seeing many of the new miracle babies and their mothers. I accidentally met two of them at separate locations after a year or two of not attending church, and their sons looked just like my sons when they were their sons’ age. The sad part is, they were all trying to hide from me. They didn’t want me to see their kids. One even lied about the child being home, while he was seated in her car.
DBM: That’s weird
SafoMaame: The resemblance was crystal. They were my husband’s children. And so, I asked if they slept with him. One vehemently denied and was accusing me of insulting her integrity, but the other broke down in the end, and started confessing to how my husband had to have sex with her multiple times till she took seed. This particular lady had been married for six years without a child. She said my husband convinced her in prayer, he was the one to give her the experience of a child, and not her husband.
DBM: Did you confront him?
SafoMaame: I did. He says the call on his life is an opening to help others through whichever means, and that, I need to understand
DBM: The call on his life is not to take advantage of people
SafoMaame: To him, Prophets also make mistakes, and will keep making mistakes, so far as their mistakes solve problems for others. Dave, at the moment, my life revolves around him and what he brings home to our family. The irony is that, he is the first to expose a church member or staff for their wrongdoing
DBM: Do you pray for your husband?
SafoMaame: I used to, but he keeps getting worse
DBM: How many people have you told this to?
SafoMaame: My mother, and now, you.
DBM: In-as-much as you abhor his deceitfulness, I would entreat you not to be spreading rumors about him by telling too many people. Rather, find people you know he respects and would listen to, to address the matter with him.
SafoMaame: His spiritual fathers in ministry are doing worse. Majority of the people who give their offerings to my husband’s church are suffering, yet he would do nothing to support the congregation. He takes, and keeps taking from them. He will prescribe days of fasting and prayers for the church, and he will not pray nor fast at home.
DBM: I can only imagine. I have an idea of many of such people who look the part, while their character lacks the part. Their outward appearance looks good, while their actual motives and intentions stinks.
SafoMaame: Women look up to me in church, and I feel very bad when I think about all the bad things going on in my husband’s ministry that I am helping to cover up with my silence and fears.
DBM: Your task as his wife is to be true to yourself, your husband, the church and to GOD.
SafoMaame: I am not being true to myself and God.
DBM: What do you want to do?
SafoMaame: I’m stuck at the moment. I have heard other preachers questioning his calling and sermons, and he’s always accusing them of being spiritually and biblically oblivious
DBM: Do you see yourself to be growing as a Christian, fellowshipping under your husband’s feet?
SafoMaame: Unfortunately, no!
DBM: If you, his wife isn’t seeing growth in your spiritual walk with GOD, then I wonder what else the church is feeding on.
SafoMaame: Dave, can you pray for me? I am really hurting
DBM: I pray The Lord to make known to you the path He’s called you to take, especially in these times where you cannot clearly tell between what to do and what not to do. Only GOD understands what’s going on in your life, in your mind, in your head, and in your heart. I pray The Peace of GOD to your understanding; I pray healing to your brokenness and hurt. May the grace of GOD be sufficient for even you. I pray The Lord to fill you with so much joy, just at the thought of Him. May He hide you and the children, in the shadows of His wings from the wiles of whatever is causing your husband to be what GOD has not called him to be. May The Lord grant and create in you His sound and pure Heart, Spirit and Mind; and may He smile on you through it all. In Jesus Name, Amen!
SafoMaame: Amen! Thank you!
DBM: You’re most welcome!
Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio
