Let’s Talk To Manism
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 115: Manism
DBM: Hi Manism. How would you describe yourself?
Manism: Well, I’m a down to earth person; quiet, observant and quite passionate about living life and accept truth along with its consequences.
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Manism: I cannot fix a number on that. So let me say, I’m currently content with where I am today.
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Manism: Well, I have noticed as I am growing up and getting older that a lot of us were lied to about male and female relations, and it is having serious consequences for us now as a generation. Especially for women; because many of them have no idea how to select a partner and that leads to a lot of problem for everyone involved.
DBM: What are some of the lies you feel were presented to us?
Manism: The biggest one that still persists till today is the, ‘men and women are the same’. And so whatever men do, nothing should stop women from doing the same and vice versa. It has permeated so many areas to the point that, no one really thinks about it anymore. Another one is that marriage should be based on love as the foundation. And so many people start from this point and then hope for the best.
DBM: You will agree that, many of us see relationships and marriage differently, thus, us having differing beliefs and expectations of it, no?
Manism: Yes, I definitely agree with that. But it’s just like raising a child. Everyone sees it differently. But at the end of the day, there’s a wrong way of seeing it and there’s a right way of seeing it. I’ll give you an example: the sexual revolution made it so that women can have sex with whomever they wanted without being shamed for it. However, this brought about a new problem. It is now very hard as a woman to want a relationship without sex before marriage. Very hard because we as men have been taught from a young age that as long as you are with a woman, she will give you sex. And what that does is that it opens up a lot of women to being taken advantage of simply because if she wouldn’t agree, he will just find someone else that will agree. This means now that as a woman, you will either have to get comfortable being with a man and definitely having sexual relations with him, or you and him will always be arguing about it because he expects it and you keep denying him. It has also made cheating way lot easier. You certainly have interviewed several people whose husbands have cheated. What no one usually says is that, there are women who will sleep with a man before marriage and so it’s easier for married men to do these things. Just that one thought of removing shame from premarital sex alone brought so many consequences.
DBM: That makes sense. Are you dating?
Manism: I’m seeing someone. Yes, but it’s complicated.
DBM: What was your reason for pursuing this person?
Manism: Well, I did not pursue. It just happened that we were at the same place at the same time. And things led to things.
DBM: How do you feel sex with her has added to your relationship?
Manism: Well, has it added anything? I think I would say that she’s been very impressed by me since we started, and so I imagine it makes me a lot more secure being with her in that regard.
DBM: Are you impressed with what she gives in return?
Manism: I’ve only been impressed by a few ladies in my time. She’s alright. Okay, I just read the question again. It’s a bit ambiguous. Did you mean sexually or otherwise?
DBM: What’s your take on ‘what a man can do, a woman can do better’?
Manism: Well, it is a lie. I think it started out as a way to affirm women and their capabilities but at some point, people started to actually believe it. There are things that the average man is better at. And there are things that the average woman is better at.
DBM: And, there are things that a human being is capable of doing, no?
Manism: Everyone is capable of doing everything. But there are things that are conducive for certain kinds of people. Not everyone. You can’t be an introvert who does not make friends easily and then want to be a salesman of niche products. Something else would be better suited to you.
DBM: True. So, I am assuming you are the type who is able to get a woman talking about the very things she’s most excited about (i.e.: sex, dating multiple men at a go, having specific expectations of men and people in general, etc.) whereby, she’s always associating those positive feelings with you, how would you define such a lady in your opinion?
Manism: Kindly rephrase the question. Let me understand you clearer.
DBM: Has a woman the right to cheat back if you’re cheating on her?
Manism: Hahahaha! I don’t believe there’s something called cheating back. It’s just cheating. And it is not a right. But that said, I think it can be justified if a woman steps out after her man steps out on her. If I did that, I would feel it was fair since I was silly enough to get caught in the first place.
DBM: What is your biggest dealbreaker in your relationship?
Manism: Lies. I can’t seem to get past lies. Once it starts then I cannot really seem to trust you again. I was once cheated on by an ex of mine. One day, she called and told me. And asked I forgive her and I did. I realized I’m not like most men who have a problem with cheating. But I cannot seem to let even an innocent lie go. I’ve worked on myself now because I realize women can be very prolific liars but still! Since you’re a man yourself, let me ask you this: do you think men are made to be with one woman?
DBM: I know men are supposed to be their authentic selves. Authenticity is a man’s best-selling point, and so if Mr. A feels he is content with just one partner, then he is content with one partner. If Mr. B feels he is not a one woman’s man, then he’s not made for one.
Manism: And what do you think is ideal?
DBM: Contentment is ideal
Manism: You don’t think that contentment leads to chaos?
DBM: From the numerous conversations I’ve had with thousands of ladies on my Facebook platform, women have said they’d rather appreciate men attracting them without behaviors that aren’t really them, lying or pretending to be men they know they are not. As a guy myself, I know many of us act like we’re good for the people we’re interested in, instead of becoming the attractive men we pretend to be.
Manism: Dave, sometimes, women do not really know what they are talking about. I know that sounds some way, but they teach us to act so that we can attract them.
DBM: What were you like as a kid?
Manism: Shy. Quite unsure of myself. But quite observant about my surroundings and noticing that which was said, and what I the difference in what I was seeing.
DBM: How do you express love as a man?
Manism: In doing. I think the psychological make up of men is in actions for the most part. But in order to deal with my woman, I have to also learn how to use words and gifts. I don’t know if those ones are sustainable though.
DBM: Okay! So, as her boyfriend, you feel your most comfortable sharing your feelings with your girlfriend when she … (If you’re to complete this sentence)
Manism: What feelings please? 😂
DBM: That something-something making you believe you’re that much into her
Manism: Haha. I don’t think I do that in general.
DBM: What advice would you give women on the types of partners they should select?
Manism: Well, we have to understand that there are different reasons why we have partners and we have different types of partners. Companionship. Family. Partnership. Fun. Someway somehow, we have deceived ourselves that we can have all these things in one person. And it is a lie told especially to women. Family is about duty. Not feelings. There are roles and as long as everyone plays their roles dutifully and consciously, it will work. Women who want families cannot join themselves with a man that does not have family values. They will suffer. Companionship does not have the same rules of engagement as family building. And partnership too. I think women have to take as much time studying themselves and studying men as much as men take time to study women to understand these differences. It is the lack of understanding of men that makes women easily deceived by a man because he has studied how to attract her, but she has no clue on how to separate someone who just wants a companion, from one who wants to raise a family. It is something that keep recurring in your stories all the time. The women are clueless, confused and easily deceived because they do not understand what they are dealing with.
DBM: Why do you think you’re in a complicated relationship then, since you seem to have figured the whole male and female relations out?
Manism: The complication has nothing to do with the relationship. It’s more to do with work, location, distance and all that. There are future decisions to be made that can make or break the union and so it’s not so clear to move forward or not. Some of the decisions are not so clear cut. But that said, I have not figured everything out. I just have realized that we have taken a lot of things for granted and it has made life very hard for us.
Image Credit: Austin J Best
