Let’s Talk To Noah
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 95: Noah
DBM: Hi Noah. How would you describe yourself?
Noah: I respect everyone around me, and I think people enjoy my company; I don’t put people down or deliberately hurt their feelings
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Noah: 6
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Noah: One of my close female friends is dating a guy I believe is not good enough for her. I don’t think she deserves how he sometimes treats her. Unfortunately, I don’t think she sees the bad in him because she’s completely fallen for him, and he knows, and is taking advantage of the opportunity to play her.
DBM: How long have you known your friend?
Noah: 17 years
DBM: And, for how long has she been dating this guy?
Noah: A year
DBM: How do you know he treats her bad?
Noah: She tells me things
DBM: That he treats her bad?
Noah: Not in those exact words. A friend of mine is close to her boyfriend and he tells me he’s seeing another girl on the side
DBM: You have any receipts?
Noah: Receipts?
DBM: Proof of him seeing another woman?
Noah: No!
DBM: Are you dating?
Noah: I am single
DBM: How old are you?
Noah: 34
DBM: Are you in love with your friend?
Noah: Lol!
DBM: Why are you laughing?
Noah: I am not in love with her
DBM: You think she deserves better, no?
Noah: I do!
DBM: Do you consider yourself a better alternative
Noah: It wouldn’t hurt. She’s my friend and I know her well
DBM: Has she ever come to you to vent about what he’s done to hurt her feelings?
Noah: Many times
DBM: I would suggest you wait for one of such moments to chip in your thoughts about him. Sometimes, unsolicited opinions on relationships are hardly ever welcomed when a friend is in love
Noah: Her mother wants me to date her
DBM: She’s not her mother. She wants to date her boyfriend, let her be
Noah: What if I can make her happy?
DBM: Do you know what she desires in a man?
Noah: Every woman wants a good man; I am a good catch
DBM: Sometimes, good is just not good enough for some people
Noah: But she’s not happy in the relationship. I know this, Dave
DBM: Because she told you she’s not happy?
Noah: Because I know my friend
DBM: You clearly don’t like this guy, do you?
Noah: I don’t; he is bad news and a cheat
DBM: Yet, he’s the one dating her
Noah: He made her abort a pregnancy because he wasn’t ready to be a father. My friend came to my house to cry
DBM: Was your friend ready to become a mother?
Noah: Yes. Now, I don’t know how to comfort her loss
DBM: Comfort her by remaining her best friend. And try as much to be there for her – with a judgement-free attitude and presence till you’ve gotten a sense of where her head is at.
Noah: She wants a man who will love her and marry her. I am that man
DBM: How do you know you’re the one?
Noah: We have an unspoken connection which is intense. Even her mother senses it between us
DBM: Who put this whole idea of you and her in your head?
Noah: How do you mean?
DBM: It was her mother, no?
Noah: No Dave. This is all me. This is a woman who lights up when she’s around me. I am my best version of self when I see her. Will it be selfish on my part to ask her to end things with him so she can choose me? I will be asking this from a place of love and respect for her
DBM: You’re certain it’s not a crush?
Noah: It’s love
DBM: It’s not jealousy because she’s spending more time with her man than with you?
Noah: It’s love
DBM: Are you attracted to her?
Noah: Yes
DBM: Romantically attracted to her?
Noah: Yes
DBM: You’re sure it’s not because you enjoy the time you spend together and the attention – she often gives to you? People sometimes confuse the two for love
Noah: It’s love
DBM: In the past year, have you made genuine attempts to simply be supportive of her relationship with this ‘bad news’ of a boyfriend?
Noah: I have. Do I make my feelings known to her?
DBM: I am sure you have made great decisions before, no?
Noah: Yes!
DBM: Then I trust you will make the best one yet, for you
Noah: What if she doesn’t want to be with me?
DBM: She’s not happy in her relationship, remember? You told me that
Noah: Yeah, but this is a big ‘what if’. What if she doesn’t know she’s not happy in her relationship, though she loves me too?
DBM: You simply respect her decision and do your best to reassemble your life without her
Noah: Life without her will hurt my feelings
DBM: Her love ought to be offered to you for your taking. Till then, learn how to be kind to your heart
Noah: What if I tell you we had sex?
DBM: Noah
Noah: Yeah
DBM: My banku is on fire. I need to go cook
Noah: Oh!
DBM: Have you told this woman that you are in love with her?
Noah: No! But I know she can read the signs written all over me
DBM: She is with her boyfriend because she chooses to be with him. For clarity’s sake, speak with her and ask directly, how she feels about you
Noah: Okay
DBM: When did you two have sex?
Noah: Two or three weeks after the abortion
DBM: Was this a first or you had done it before?
Noah: It was our first time being intimate. We’ve not spoken about it since
DBM: Has it jeopardized the friendship, or there could be that risk of decreasing its quality, someway, somehow?
Noah: I don’t know. We have not spoken since the act
DBM: How long was this?
Noah: February
DBM: 2023?
Noah: Yes
DBM: Wait, was the sex that bad?
Noah: I thought it was great. She left my place smiling
DBM: Smiling at, or with who?
Noah: She just had a smile on her face
DBM: The awkward or ‘Thank you for such an amazing sex’ smile?
Noah: How would I know?
DBM: What if this awkward silence is her inability to tell you – she did not enjoy the sex? You know it can be mortifying to look in the eyes of the one you care about after some bad sex?
Noah: I don’t think it was that bad
DBM: This is what I know, one of you will wind up feeling hurt.
Image Credit: Joice Rivas
