In The Wrong
Riri: Dave, I need your opinion. Make it as honest and brutal as possible
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): I’m all ears
Riri: My husband is or was in a sexual relationship with a girl who is our daughter’s age.
DBM: How old is your daughter?
Riri: 16. She turns 17 in September
DBM: How old is your husband?
Riri: 43
DBM: How long have you been married?
Riri: Almost two decades
DBM: “Is or was in a sexual relationship…” which is which?
Riri: Because I am just finding out about their relationship
DBM: How long ago since finding out?
Riri: Three weeks
DBM: How did you find out?
Riri: The girl is one of our daughter’s friends. They’re not best friends. They’re not close friends. They’re just friends. The first time she came to this house was on our daughter’s 15th birthday. She looked way mature for her age. She’s also very beautiful and classy. These were just my initial observations of her. I caught my husband sizing her up at the party but didn’t make a big deal out of it because I didn’t think he could be interested in someone our daughter’s age. Last year, my daughter told me her friend uses the latest iPhone. My husband uses the latest iPhone too, the exact type she uses. He was asleep one dawn when a notification on his phone drew my attention to it. It was from the girl. I unlocked it on his face and went through their conversations. They’re sleeping together. He’s giving her money, gifts etc. Dave, the sad pert is we know her parents. We aren’t close with them but we know them.
DBM: Your husband is violating this child. That is a crime; you know that, no?
Riri: I know
DBM: And, have you reported him to the police?
Riri: No
DBM: Have you informed the parents of this child?
Riri: No
DBM: Why not?
Riri: It’s the embarrassment and public humiliation I am trying to protect my family from. I can’t tell anybody about this.
DBM: But you’re telling me
Riri: I have a question
DBM: What?
Riri: Is it really abuse?
DBM: Why that question?
Riri: I am asking because when I look back and place myself in her shoes at that same age, I was a baddie myself. I was in a relationship with an older man.
DBM: Are you comfortable with the idea of a man your husband’s age sleeping with your daughter?
Riri: No
DBM: You cannot and will not excuse bad behavior.
Riri: Sorry
DBM: You being in the known is actually the first step in helping to put an end to the silence and shame, denial and even the confusion that is making you want to entertain and allow child sexual abuse of this magnitude to be occurring right under your nose at home.
Riri: I’m finding it difficult to use the legal route because of my own experience at that age.
DBM: You just told me you wouldn’t let a man get away with abusing your daughter at this young age, no?
Riri: Yes
DBM: Why are you excusing your husband’s behavior? Or because she’s not your daughter? Any form of sexual activity between an adult and a child is abuse of power and trust. And, that is illegal.
Riri: I’ve got to go Dave. Let’s talk later.
Image Credit: Ketut Subiyanto
