Tag: Cry

Cyndi: I was married for 12 years. Seven out of those years I lived as a single married woman in a loveless relationship with my husband. My husband instead of being with me, learned so much about pleasing himself sexually with other women. He avoided sexual intimacy with me due to his higher sexual interest in other women. He had a lot of vulnerable conversations with other women. He created sexual memories with other women. One of his mistresses had the guts to call me on the phone to tell me she was the one who had instructed my husband not to be having sex with me because she considered that to be cheating on her.

To be very honest with you Dave, when I look back on our journey as husband and wife, there is no such thing as joy to recollect. Our love did not deepen with time. I don’t believe in prayer, effort or communication anymore. What wasn’t I willing to do to get my husband to work together with me to grow a good marriage? I don’t believe in giving up on something as important as marriage when it’s in its uphill season. No marriage is easy and I don’t expect couples to give up on themselves but my husband gave up on me when I needed us the most.

My husband was such a nice guy. I remember the day he asked me to marry him. I remember the first time he hugged me and told me how much he loved me. I remember all the promises he made to make me believe he would be the perfect man to raise a family with. He used to represent hope in my life. He used to represent love. He used to represent dreams that could come true. My dreams were all about him. About us. I thought our reality was going to be whatever we wanted it to be. Then I stumbled upon a text message on his phone from a girl he told me he used to date. We weren’t married by this time. They were still sleeping together though she was also dating another guy. Two years into our marriage, he started to clear his phone and computer’s browser history. He set new passwords on his mobile device while having access to mine. I had nothing to hide.

He began meeting with his mistresses late into the nights under the guise of having late-night work engagements. There were specific calls he would only take outside of the house. I couldn’t explain it but it was happening before my eyes. Then he started to unfairly criticize every minor thing I did that displeased him. He became short-tempered and snappy. Always appearing moody before eventually becoming distant. And cold towards me. He stopped posting loving messages and tributes to me on his social media because he did not want to upset a mistress. He confirmed my suspicions and I came to the conclusion that I was no longer going to commit to healing or rebuilding the relationship.

I started sleeping in our children’s room and I did that for six years. Dave, I was traumatized by his betrayal. I couldn’t trust him with the safety of my emotions. I told my parents and his parents. They tried to talk to him but he wasn’t willing to take responsibility for his actions. He even got angry at me for telling our families. He did not end the affair and was still in contact with her. His own sister, Dave, my sister-in-law o, had lunch with me one day and told me to do something drastic that she had done when her husband was having an affair. She asked me to strip myself naked at dawn, in my children’s room, lie on the floor and pour my heart out in tears. I did just as she had suggested and my 7-year-old son got up upon hearing me cry. He saw me naked on the floor and got scared and started to cry. He took his bedsheet and tried to keep me covered. His sheets covered my belly and my upper thighs, barely coving anything. He laid beside me, absolutely dead terrified of seeing his mother in tears and in pain. We cried till we both fell asleep.

My sister-in-law’s husband died three years ago. My husband was involved in a dreadful car accident. He doesn’t remember how it happened but eye witnesses say that there was a pot hole on the side of the road which caught the front side wheel of his car and span him into a ditch. They had to drag him out of the car because there was smoke. He was taken to the hospital and hasn’t been able to walk since. I filed for divorce and moved out of the house with the children, two days before he was discharged from the hospital. People are saying I am wicked for leaving my husband in his time of need. Nobody seems to remember how he abandoned me in our marriage for seven years. Now, I’m the bad guy?

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Wait! I’ve actually heard about the bare-assed on the ground tactic. I know a lady who told me on three different occasions that she was going to curse her ex-husband at dawn like that. She wasn’t able to bring herself into doing it because she couldn’t look past her little boys becoming fatherless. But she told me about the process.

Cyndi: Dave, it’s a dangerous curse.

DBM: I don’t believe in curses

Cyndi: I do, and it works. Its potency lies in a bloodline invoking it. My husband’s blood sister told me to lock it in. My husband’s biological son cried with me because he felt my pain, though he could not yet understand nor explain with words. Every child cry for a reason. And when we cry, the voice of our blood cries out to the universe from the ground. Some combined tears represent a demand for justice, retribution, and vengeance against people.

DBM: How long did it take before your husband’s accident?

Cyndi: 7 months.

DBM: How about your sister-in-law’s late husband?

Cyndi: 3 months. Her husband’s sister told her to invoke the curse. Her daughter woke up from her sleep to join her mother cry. Her husband died in his sleep three months later.

DBM: What is your relationship like with his sister now?

Cyndi: We’re very close friends. When the news of her brother’s accident got to her, she told me she didn’t realize the wages of his sins would paralyze him, since hers resulted in death.

DBM: When you were naked on the floor, what did you pray about?

Cyndi: It wasn’t a prayer. I was complaining to God. It was more of my regret and waste of time in a marriage that wasn’t serving me. I cried all the hurt, pain, betrayal, embarrassment and heartbreak on the floor, and slept on it.

DBM: Who is taking care of your husband?

Cyndi: His mother and father. His sister tells me everyday is a battle for him but he has his parents around.

DBM: Are you divorced?

Cyndi: No, but we are separated.

Image Credit: Dihandrea