Tag: Decisions

Let’s Talk To Rayowa

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 107: Rayowa

DBM: Hi Rayowa. How would you describe yourself?

Rayowa: Omo Naija in the house

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Rayowa: A 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Rayowa: I want to do something different with you to unlock value. Let’s exchange information based on our understanding and experiences of things, situations and with people. I will ask you any question that I feel you would enjoy answering, and vice versa. It can be personal; it can be general. I will not hold back with the truth, and I am hoping you wouldn’t either?

DBM: What if I do not find a question enjoyable?

Rayowa: You tell me, and I will ask something different

DBM: Okay!

Rayowa: How old are you?

DBM: 38. You?

Rayowa: 45. How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

DBM: Lol! I’d say 7 today. Tell me a little about Nigeria

Rayowa: Nigeria is a developing country, with its capital being Abuja. We run the Federal Presidential Republic type of government. Our currency is the Naira, and English is the official language spoken. There are other languages such as Hausa, Yoruba, Igbo and Fulani. We have a population of about 215 million people. The Nigerian knows how to survive and excel in all circumstances, reason why ‘Naija no dey carry last’, meaning, Nigeria never would come last. I’ve been taught to marry well, amass as many degrees as possible, and earn enough money so I can take care of my parents in their old age. I am also to do way better than my parents – in every way or form. The mortality rate of the country is high due to AIDS. And just like any other country, crime is high in Nigeria. Even an individual wearing a police uniform can commit a violent crime so easily. 419 is another level of Nigerian-operated fraudulent schemes. Nigerians want to be respected at all cost because we are hardworking, we are super competitive. Nigerians are driven by societal statuses, and yes, we can be stubborn.

DBM: I see

Rayowa: What do men want?

DBM: I don’t know what men want

Rayowa: What do you want?

DBM: With respect to?

Rayowa: Love, relationship

DBM: I want someone who answers my every question honestly, and is willing to volunteer any form of information needed to be heard. I want a love-relationship that encourages growth and fidelity. I want my peace and quiet; I want to eat good, healthy meals and build a friendship worth keeping.

Rayowa: Your turn

DBM: What are the two good things you learned from your mother?

Rayowa: My mother did not settle at every turn in her life and love relationships when she was being treated like crap. She’s currently in her fourth marriage, and this has been her longest and happiest. Because of her, I know how to say ‘no’ to any situation that seeks to cheapen who I am. I will not take just anything simply because others think there is nothing better out there that could come my way. Just like my mum, I am worthy of something better; I am worthy of someone better.

DBM: That’s a good response

Rayowa: What two things did you learn from your father?

DBM: I wasn’t close with/to my dad; I still am not but I observed certain things about his way of life when I was younger. He would always pursue what he truly loved and believed in, rather than being trapped in an office doing things he didn’t so much enjoy. I have learned to do things I am truly excited about and amazingly good at; so far as it doesn’t feel like a job, I will never tire doing it. The second would be, living a simple life within my means. I never saw him judging himself based on other people’s values and metrics… Because he was never competing with anyone. It was never his style to show off to anyone to prove a point. He only did what he believed in, and was in competition with just himself to achieve his goals.

Rayowa: I love that

DBM: What is the one exciting thing in your life right now?

Rayowa: I recently enrolled as a PhD student at the University of Oxford, after many attempts of applying for PhD scholarships. I am very happy and proud of myself right now.

DBM: Congratulations!

Rayowa: Thank you, Dave. Do you think a man is worth fighting for?

DBM: What type of man?

Rayowa: The type one is in love with

DBM: I don’t ‘fight’, it’s draining and too much work/stress.

Rayowa: You’ve never fought for something you believe in?

DBM: I have, and that was when I didn’t know any better. Today, I only will ‘fight’ for the right side – which is obviously my side.

Rayowa: You will not fight for a love that once made you feel good?

DBM: ‘Once made you feel good’. Question is, what has changed now?

Rayowa: Say, there is a hidden competition for his attention somewhere else

DBM: No! I only believe in investing in people the best way possible. If they don’t/can’t do the same for you, you let go. The reason why I don’t engage in ‘fights’ is because it involves a win by either getting beaten or beating someone else down. At this point in my life, my energy and focus are solely on figuring out what drives true joy from within me. I will let you go if you don’t think what we share is that special to cherish.

Rayowa: Just like that?

DBM: Just like that!

Rayowa: Even if he makes me happy?

DBM: If he was making you happy, you wouldn’t be thinking of doing any and everything to have him in your life. If you love him, and want the relationship that bad, he should be choosing you too. You don’t fight for his attention all by yourself; it’s supposed to be a side-by-side interest genuinely expressed by the both of you. He should be deserving of you as much as you think you deserve him.

Rayowa: It’s your turn

DBM: What am I not asking you that I should?

Rayowa: I don’t know how to keep my husband for myself

DBM: Is your husband showing you all the respect, consistency and depth that you know you deserve in the marriage?

Rayowa: Not really. And he’s become so unreasonable to even talk to lately. I feel like I have done more than he deserves

DBM: If you’re to stand back and take account of your husband’s deeds, he should be the best representation of what’s in your very best interest. You’re not built to break in a fight for a man; you’re here to fight for what you believe is due you. You’re in a position to see your husband as a man worth fighting for if you represent the woman, he believes is worth fighting for as well.

Rayowa: Dave, I have been a good wife to my husband

DBM: It’s still irrelevant if all he leaves on your heart is a scar. I would entreat you to pray for the Wisdom of GOD to know whether or not your husband is the right man for you; because some wins aren’t even worth the scars in the long run.

Image Credit: Joshua Mcknight

Let’s Talk To Luke

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 85: The name is Luke

DBM: Luke chapter what?

Luke: 😁

DBM: Hi Luke. How would you describe yourself?

Luke: I don’t know how to break this complication down: I am legally in a marital relationship with my wife. I have also agreed to work as a hired husband to my employer’s wife, for payment under the contract of employment.

DBM: What?

Luke: Yeah!

DBM: I will come back to this. How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Luke: 8 + 2

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Luke: My situation ship. I came across a job advertisement. The job title was Client Satisfaction Manager. The job responsibilities included handling client issues during the execution life cycle in a timely and accurate fashion; compilation of data collected, and basically, knowing enough about each zone of the company, in order to make pertinent suggestions to the client. It also involved a lot of traveling. I applied and got my job interview scheduled. Dave, I needed a new challenge, and so I prepared for my interview to ensure I made the best impression possible. We were about six in number on the day I interviewed. In the course of answering a question directed at me, I saw the only lady on the panel focusing with an intense gaze at me. She picked her phone and texted someone. The owner of the company, who was part of the team interviewing me, picked his phone to read a message, and immediately started smiling. I gazed back at the lady and she was staring at my lips to probably gain further circumstantial cues about the responses I was giving. Well, so I thought. Twenty-five or so minutes later, I left the conference room feeling positive about my candidacy. I missed a call on the phone on my way home, and so I tried calling back. He cut my call and called back.

DBM: Who called?

Luke: The owner of the company.

DBM: How could you tell it was him?

Luke: I could recognize his voice from the interview.

DBM: Okay?

Luke: He arranged a private meeting at a venue, which turned out to be the house address of his wife. They were waiting for me when I arrived. He wanted to offer me a different job but under the title of Client Satisfaction Consultant. He wanted me to become his wife’s husband.

DBM: His wife’s husband?

Luke: I know, right? Creepy. He explained to me that he is unable to meet his wife’s emotional needs. He also said he was pursuing another love interest and didn’t want to divorce his wife because there is too much at stake. He wanted me to become the safe place his could come to when emotionally down. He was going to continue being her provider in monetary ways. However, I am expected to provide her strength when she’s frail, affection when she feels lonely and courage when she’s scared.

DBM: Did they know that you are a married man?

Luke: They knew. I had my wedding band on during the interview and the meeting at her house. They proposed a lucrative salary with all benefits included; pension and social insurance contributions – medical, death, education, annual paid leave and public holidays off. I start work at 8:30 am to 4:30 pm.

DBM: I really am following your story, but where is your office be located?

Luke: Per my contract, I report to the company’s headquarters twice a week, from 8:30 to 12:30 pm to do personal assignments, and then complete the remaining hours at his wife’s house. I have been given my own office.

DBM: Which days do you report at the office?

Luke: It’s per my discretion.

DBM: So, the three remaining weekdays, your job station is where?

Luke: His wife’s house.

DBM: How long have you been doing this?

Luke: For some time now

DBM: Can you put a time frame to it?

Luke: Yes, but it may inconvenience me. My wife can easily calculate from when I started job-hunting if she’s to come across this post.

DBM: But your job title equally gives you out, no?

Luke: I lied to her about the job title when I made the decision to accept this offer.

DBM: Aha!

Luke: Sometimes, a man has got to withhold certain truths about themselves or what they’re doing from their wives – just to avoid disappointing them. I know it’s not the best of decisions to make, that’s why I am choosing to shield my wife from pain and other possible consequences.

DBM: What if your wife decides to one day, surprise you at work?

Luke: My wife may consider a surprise on my birthdays or our wedding anniversaries. Those days, I ensure to be at work for the first half.

DBM: You have it all figured out, I guess?

Luke: Yes sir.

DBM: So, tell me how it works when you’re at the contract-wife’s house

Luke: I get home. Greet her with a kiss or hug; ask about her night. She prepares breakfast for us. After eating, she talks about whatever she’d want to talk about. Actually, I used to think my legal wife was a talker but this woman talks way more than my original wife. Anyhow, I don’t mind her talking so much, so I just listen and chat back. Most days in my original marriage, my wife and I argue a lot. But with this contract marriage, my woman and I don’t really argue.

DBM: I am just laughing in awe

Luke: I know. It will sound funny to me too 😊

DBM: How do you greet her when you first arrive at her home?

Luke: ‘Good morning, my Love’ or ‘darling, babe’ or ‘how is my lovely sunshine doing this morning?’ depending on my groove. Most mornings when I am there and I hear the shower turn on, I’ll climb in the shower with her and… Wheew! Those are usually beautiful mornings.

DBM: I can only imagine. So, this is not just some sex gig?

Luke: No, Dave. It’s a real-fake marriage. We would often watch a TV show together, make lunch together, and this is something I never thought I could do with my real wife. Some days, we just keep to ourselves. She would be reading a book and I would be in bed.

DBM: Do you do outings together?

Luke: No! But as I said earlier, we travel once in a while, to other places together.

DBM: Does it get boring?

Luke: Sometimes. And at those times, we both recognize it and keep to ourselves till it’s time for me to go home.

DBM: What is your feeling towards this job?

Luke: Dave, I am in love with her. Being in love only requires me to believe that I am in love. And I can confidently say that, this job has helped me grow to understand love even better. It’s helping me to appreciate my legal wife and children the more. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life without my original wife and work wife.

DBM: That’s good to know. But as at this moment, your wife doesn’t have a clue what you have been up to over the years. Aren’t you barring yourself from showing up authentically at your matrimonial home?

Luke: This secret is weighing me down, that’s why I am revealing it to you instead, so we share its load. I know my wife, she cannot organize her life around this information. I would spare her the hurt, sadness and anger.

DBM: Okay!

Luke: I love my job. Aside the benefits, I am learning a lot about women and how to treat them right. I am learning about love.

DBM: I am curious about one thing; does your wife not see any changes in you to suspect something?

Luke: I watch how I react around her when I am at home. Also, work officially ends when it’s 4:30 pm. Work-wife respects the boundaries.

DBM: Your wife doesn’t smell her perfume or scent on you?

Luke: She doesn’t use any presumes around me when I am at work. But even if she has to wear one to smell good, I’ve bought her my brand of perfumes to smell like me.

DBM: This is one of the interesting chats I have ever had in my life. Why did you choose me?

Luke: David, I haven’t always been your No.1 fan. But truth be told, I think you are using your Facebook to do a wonderful thing. I don’t agree with your prejudiced point of view when it comes to men and women. I can’t seem to wrap my head around why you think women are incapable of doing bad all by themselves. Anyways, that is a conversation for another day. But as I was saying, your platform is clean and sound. You know how to pull some of us out of our shelves to open up. It’s a rare gift, and I believe you have it. Just try not to change. Continue to be in a league of your own.

DBM: Appreciated. Thank you!

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

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