Dinner – David B

PERFECT MATCH

Written by David B on July 29, 2022. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 14: I want to be known as Kwam.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

KWAM: I believe I am well-mannered; I learn from everything; I am generous with my time, I am positive minded, I like helping others, I respect the opinions of others; I have a strong work ethic, I am friendly and can humor myself; I am confident and well-spoken and just an everyday guy.

DBM: How long have you been married?

KWAM: We will be doing 16 years in October.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

KWAM: I wasn’t looking for much, just a woman who practices good hygiene, knows how to dress and talk, and carry herself well.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

KWAM: I was on my third date with her close friend. Her friend wanted that date to be at my house. She wanted to eat a home cooked meal. Doorbell rings and it was my wife. She had a letter in her hand for me from my date. She suggested her friend (my wife) would be the perfect match for me. It was awkward at first but it worked out.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

KWAM: No! My wife’s friend (the former second date) is my best friend. My wife is my closest friend. A healthy friendship developed between me and my wife and it has made a whole lot of difference in our lives.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

KWAM: I asked her to marry me and she did not believe my proposal for two years. I was thinking she didn’t like me as much, but it turned out she wasn’t sure whether or not I was serious about marrying her.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

KWAM: Before she left my house after our first dinner meeting, I realized she’s frank and did not hide her feelings. She was also a good listener and she listened to me with interest; that was when I knew.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

KWAM: My wife is very attractive to me physically. I affirm her beauty whenever I see her. I am the best place my wife should feel needed, wanted, accepted loved and appreciated. When I look into my wife’s eyes, I am not in a hurry to look away.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

KWAM: I am always striving to understand my wife when we are in a deeper conversation. I pay attention to her during a conversation.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

KWAM: She’s a good wife. She knows we both come from two different upbringings and backgrounds, and that, I am my own individual, with flaws and any other mess. She respects our individual differences, so do I.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

KWAM: Till death…

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

KWAM: Most fun would be road trips with her.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

KWAM: I love my wife deeply every day. My love for her doesn’t swing.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

KWAM: I trust my wife. She has integrity.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

KWAM: I am close to my wife even when I am busy. I call, text, email and video call all the time. When we are physically together, I am with her in the kitchen chitchatting, we spend time together as a family and alone, etc.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

KWAM: My wife is my safest emotional connection.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

KWAM: I will do this marriage with her over again, any day. Our love is deep, strong and genuine.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

KWAM: Still married and spending more time together.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

KWAM: 14 times in a week. I like it in the mornings and evenings.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

KWAM: 5 out of 10. My desire for sex stays high but her appetite isn’t as high. I am patient with her though, as I try to meet her needs before my own.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

KWAM: I know I love my wife when I watch how I speak to her. I do not belittle, hurt, disrespect, humiliate or harm her in any way, be it in private or public.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

KWAM: She’s loving me well. My wife is very concerned about me too.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

KWAM: I am a good husband to her.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

KWAM: Not yet.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

KWAM: Kwamyere, you have given me space to pursue what interests me. You have been a woman of your word and have followed through with your commitment at whatever cost. The wonderful woman you have grown to become has been a matter of time, age and experience; being my wife was a choice you made. I will continue to help you at home with the responsibilities; your problems will be my problems so we can continue to spread the weight of it evenly; I am sure of my love for you because my heart beats for you alone. You have made me the happiest man I could have ever imagined for myself. It’s a privilege to love you, it’s a privilege to laugh and cry with you. It’s a privilege to care for you; it’s a privilege to raise our children with you. It’s a privilege to share my life with you, run to you, talk to you, feel for you and be with you. It’s a privilege to give you me, every day, for the rest of our lives together.

Image Credit: Any Lane

EUGENIA’S GRANDPA

Written by David B on July 8, 2022. Posted in Blog.

I was having lunch this week with myself somewhere. Four tables ahead of me was an old man and his granddaughter. The young lady couldn’t stop staring at me. I knew she probably recognized me from Facebook. And I was right! She smiled while talking to her grandfather, and at the same time, staring at me. I smiled back and she walked to me. She is a follower of my page and really enjoys reading from here. I expressed my appreciation and she introduced herself, Eugenia.

She returned to her table and said something to her grandfather. The old guy turned to look at me. He signaled me to join their table. “My granddaughter says you’re a relationship counselor?”

No, I am not a counselor. I just have a platform that allows people to share their relationship experiences. He was delighted to know. He asked what made me start my Facebook page, and how it’s going. I responded to his questions and he was really pleased. I got to also know that he had been married for 57 years, until recently (2019) when he lost his wife. I asked him what kept his marriage going for that long. “I was always making sure I had a reason to feel great about my wife and marriage” he said.

He said, intentionally choosing to fall in love with his late wife changed a whole lot about the way he perceived things. An example he cited was, moments he knew he should or could have easily snapped at his wife for getting on his last nerve, he couldn’t. And that was because it had been his daily goal to be even excited about the idea of his wife eventually getting on his nerves. Meaning, he had had a good laugh about his wife provoking him in his mind already before it actually even manifested in real time. And when it did happen, it became more enjoyable to him to see his patience level tested to win.

He says he chose to look at everything that should have ordinarily, gotten him peeved with new eyes and understanding. He was willing to please his wife, no matter what. Things he wouldn’t have previously cared for/about, now became activities he wanted to partake, simply because his late wife enjoyed them. The other important statement he made was on TIME spent with his wife; his daily mandate, we should not forget – was to find something great about his wife and marriage. He spent as much time with his lady as possible. He said, “even when I knew work and other engagements were keeping me busy, I found myself making arrangements in order to schedule quality time to be spent with my wife.”

Even though he said he was in love with his late wife, his feelings for her weren’t always on the high. There were times those very same feelings settled or mellowed into different feels and actions. There were days he confessed he just ‘loved’ her, and was not necessarily ‘in love’ with her. This stage he says didn’t affect his goal of finding something great to feel about her and their marriage. It’s at this stage that he wouldn’t stop stressing on SACRIFICE; making sacrifices for the sake of the one you love.

And because the love was mutual, his late wife felt the same about him too, and was doing unto him, what was done to, and for her. I asked the last question on my mind before we started eating: ‘did you ever have to be with another woman to fulfil a need you felt your wife was lacking?’

His answer was “No!” His daily goal was to find something great about his wife to be excited about, and he always found something to keep him thinking and smiling, and fussing, and looking forward to telling her about it every evening, before bed.

“Me and my wife flirted a lot. Before phones and computers, we were writing ourselves little notes that we hid in each other’s bags, pockets or books that we took to work. It was like a puzzle game, because I was always searching for her note every day – to keep me smiling and thinking of her.”

He made me understand that, sex was good in their relationship. And though it could have been better, he wouldn’t complain, regardless. He made sure to be home on time to help reduce his wife’s stresses, because she also was working. His support at home helped clear her mind, and was setting her in the mood for intimacy with him. He believes, sex with his wife always started outside of the bedroom.

Image Credits: Dids

Tag: Dinner

PERFECT MATCH

EUGENIA’S GRANDPA

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