Tag: Disrespect

Let’s Talk To Arrow

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 173:  Arrow

DBM: Hello Arrow. How would you describe yourself?

Arrow: I embrace my funky; I do not follow trends slavishly. I love to dance and have fun

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Arrow: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Arrow: Something is not quite right regarding how my brother-in-law treats me.

DBM: How does he treat you?

Arrow: With disrespect. He is mean to me. He bullies and looks down on me.

DBM: Why do you allow your husband’s brother to disrespect you?

Arrow: I don’t allow it.

DBM: But he does it anyways?

Arrow: Yes

DBM: You have a right to be respected; you know that, no?

Arrow: I do

DBM: Have you informed your husband?

Arrow: I have

DBM: And?

Arrow: He says I should ignore him

DBM: So, he knows his brother treats you this way?

Arrow: He hasn’t witnessed it.

DBM: Do you live together with your husband?

Arrow: No. But we are in the process to be together.

DBM: Where is he?

Arrow: He works in Accra

DBM: Where do you live?

Arrow: Takoradi

DBM: With his brother?

Arrow: His brother’s house is directly opposite ours

DBM: You live in a compound or family house?

Arrow: No! Their father built four-bedroom houses for each of his three children on one land.

DBM: Oh, okay! So, you live in your husband’s house?

Arrow: I do.

DBM: Understood! How does your husband treat you?

Arrow: With respect and love

DBM: He’s nothing like his brother then?

Arrow: Nothing like him

DBM: Why do you think your brother-in-law doesn’t like you?

Arrow: I used to lap dance in a night club. My brother-in-law used to frequent the club and would pay specifically for the pretty dancers to gyrate in front of him. One of the dancers he attempted to force himself on drew our attention to his behavior. And so, all the girls made it a point to intentionally ignore him. I used to decline his requests for a private dance.

DBM: I have never been to a strip club before. Are clients allowed to touch?

Arrow: It depends on the dancer and her boundaries

DBM: What were yours?

Arrow: It really depends on the client paying for my services. If he is kind and attractive, I may allow touch, lick, kiss, etc.

DBM: What is etc.?

Arrow: Some got to experience me dry riding on them

DBM: So, you do more than just standing in front of a man to dance

Arrow: Something like that

DBM: Do you still offer such services?

Arrow: No! I am a housewife now

DBM: Would you classify your past job as prostitution?

Arrow: No

DBM: An escort?

Arrow: Depended on who needed my companionship for specific hours

DBM: I see

Arrow: But I am no hoe

DBM: I hear you. Did it pay?

Arrow: Lap dancing?

DBM: Yeah!

Arrow: Yeah! I could make over Ghs 1000 a night

DBM: How did you meet your husband?

Arrow: I went shopping at the Anaji Choice Mart, and he was buying groceries with a lady I later found out was his sister-in-law. I noticed a sharp rise in his eyebrows and interpreted it as a sign of him being happy to see me, and so, I smiled at him. Our eyes and body language spoke louder than words. His sister-in-law caught on so fast, she walked towards me to inform me that he was single. She introduced him to me and that’s how we started talking, and later, exchanged phone numbers. We got to the carpark and his sister-in-law had already briefed her husband, who was in the car waiting to see us together. Such a small world, huh?

DBM: Was your brother-in-law in shock?

Arrow: He wasn’t initially, but he had a frown on his face. The shock popped up when his wife asked for my phone number to keep in touch.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Arrow: A year and a half.

DBM: How long has your brother-in-law been married?

Arrow: Nine years

DBM: Most people are in need of applause so bad they would do any and everything to be relevant in your perception of them; including speaking against their own character-flaw – which they think they see in you. To the extent of pretending they do not know who they’re acting against. Thank goodness there is a mirror they will stare themselves at every now and then.

Arrow: Hypocrites

DBM: That is why I will never force myself to make decisions I am uncomfortable with. Some people thrive in talking at you, laughing, ridiculing at or bullying people; they delight in talking about you behind your back, lying, exaggerating and would even intentionally ignore your boundaries – just to disrespect you. Those are the classic insecure, childish pretenders.

Arrow: That is a correct description of my brother-in-law right there

DBM: And it only gets worse, unfortunately

Arrow: Dave, I don’t think I am even doing anything, directly or indirectly to trigger his bad behavior towards me.

DBM: He’s not a decent human being at heart. Ill-mannered brewing

Arrow: Sometimes, I feel like telling his wife about what I know

DBM: She doesn’t know?

Arrow: I haven’t told her anything

DBM: I see. Does your husband know about your past?

Arrow: He does

DBM: And?

Arrow: He says it’s my past, and has nothing to do with him. Honestly Dave, I do not regret the fun I had when I was single and dancing and earning from it. I’ve never had sleepless nights about it, to the extent of worrying that – it dictates my present status as a married woman.

DBM: Good for you! Keep keeping yourself active and just enjoy the current moment you’re living. It adds color to your life.

Arrow: Yes sir

DBM: So, what experience from your past is positively influencing your present?

Arrow: Oh! Lol! I often lap dance for my husband, and he loves it so much. He’s always in a hurry to rush to Taadi to sit in his favorite chair in our bedroom, rock hard for an hour or two, just to watch me shake what my momma gave me on him.

DBM: Smh! Participant 172, Air, left a question for you: ‘Would you take your mother’s property if you were in my shoes?’

Arrow: 2024, fortunately is my year to go and possess my promises. I would have taken what was rightfully mine. A lot of people have imprisoned themselves in the lands of their promises. They are held back and captive due to fear, shame, limitations and accusations of all sorts. I will not stand in my promised land, yet not be able to enjoy it.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Arrow: What is your most treasured memory?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Arianna Jade’

Let’s Talk To Ejo

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 97: Ejo

DBM: Hi Ejo. How would you describe yourself?

Ejo: A wife, nursing mother, and teacher

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ejo: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ejo: I gave birth to my second child six months ago, and I have been going through a very difficult phase that has made me gain so much weight. I am trying to get back to my pre-pregnancy figure but I am becoming heavier instead. My husband started running indirect jokes my way. He recently asked when I am going to lose all the fat. Even during sex, he will make a joke out of something in relation to my weight and it will kill my mood. I’ve told him I don’t like the mean jokes he’s been making but it’s falling on deaf ears.

DBM: Why does he make jokes about your weight?

Ejo: He finds slim attractive. He also thinks such jokes will motivate me to lose the weight but it’s actually hurting my feelings. I was dressing up in front of him just recently, and I caught him staring at my stomach and shaking his head in a funny way

DBM: That’s not cool. You don’t intentionally hurt the feelings of the woman you love, especially not over some silly crap like a few extra pounds

Ejo: Hmmm!

DBM: But you are eating right, no?

Ejo: I am

DBM: How about workouts?

Ejo: I exercise regularly

DBM: Are you getting plenty of sleep?

Ejo: I try to but I am not fitting into my clothes

DBM: Could it be a medical something sabotaging your efforts to stay in shape?

Ejo: My Mother-in-law tells my husband I am the one being lazy. I feel like they’re intentionally putting pressure on me to lose the weight. He laughs when his mother makes comments about my weight.

DBM: Wait! You gave birth just six months ago, no?

Ejo: Yes!

DBM: So, where from the rush to lose weight? You’re still breastfeeding and you need sufficient calories for milk supply; even your overall healing and lost energy and nourishment

Ejo: When my MIL sees a lot of food on the plate of my first child, she would go and take a chunk off it, and be using my weight as reference to why my daughter shouldn’t be eating too much. My husband will also be suggesting to our daughter that, women have to look skinny and pretty.

DBM: You’re very kind

Ejo: Why do you say that?

DBM: You’re allowing your mother-in-law to teach your daughter how to disrespect you, while you sleep in the same bed with her own son, who clearly needs a lot of improvement. What right has she got to tell your child what to eat? How well did she train her own son?

Ejo: I am just trying to maintain peace in my household

DBM: But at what cost?

Ejo: Dave, whenever I complain, I am the one being ridiculous

DBM: Subjecting yourself to bad-mannered people can affect your self-esteem and make you second-guess yourself

Image Credit: Anete Lusina

Let’s Talk To Kweku

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 6 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 20: My name is Kweku

DBM: Hello, Kweku. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Kweku: I am a Senior Product Marketing Manager. I am married with two kids. I am 43 years of age, and I live in Accra.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Kweku: I am planning on quitting my job.

DBM: Why?

Kweku: I feel disrespected by my employers. I loathe my boss. That is my first reason. The second reason is my salary, it’s low. The third reason: I hate my job. I am so unhappy.

DBM: Why do you hate your job?

Kweku: It’s not fulfilling, and I don’t feel challenged enough. There is no progression in my career. I feel so limited.

DBM: How long have you been working for your current employer?

Kweku: 9 years.

DBM: Why do you dislike your boss?

Kweku: He is incompetent, but because he has money, he feels he can talk to anyone anyhow and get away with it.

DBM: When was the last time you encountered your boss in an argument?

Kweku: Just yesterday. Dave, it’s an everyday attack with him when it comes to my input at work. There is always a problem with what I do.

DBM: What specifically are your duties and responsibilities?

Kweku: I am involved in the development of products and its distribution; I also create and implement marketing strategies and initiatives to increase our product’s visibility and market performance; I create sales copy, and liaise with the stakeholders of our company. My job is to also perform thorough market research and competitive analysis to understand and efficiently communicate product value proposition.

DBM: Do you have a new job lined up somewhere else?

Kweku: No, but I have put in a few applications.

DBM: Any luck thus far with those applications?

Kweku: I did one interview recently.

DBM: How did it go?

Kweku: It was okay.

DBM: You mentioned being unhappy; an unhappy worker most often is an un-productive worker. Are you productive at work?

Kweku: I am, and that’s what pisses me off; because I stive to give my 100% at every task, only to be unappreciated and criticized.

DBM: You are certain about resigning?

Kweku: At this moment, yes! I called my boss incompetent in the presence of my co-workers.

DBM: When was this?

Kweku: Yesterday afternoon.

DBM: What was his reaction?

Kweku: He was in shock. And angry. And defensive

DBM: What did your co-workers say after hearing you say that to the boss?

Kweku: Nothing! They all knew someone had to tell him to his face.

DBM: And that person had to be you?

Kweku: Unfortunately!

DBM: Does your wife know you’re going to be unemployed, like yesterday?

Kweku: Not yet.

DBM: Does she know about how you’re being treated at work?

Kweku: Yes!

DBM: And, what has she said to you?

Kweku: She’s been helping me with job applications.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Kweku: 11 years.

DBM: So, your children are under 11?

Kweku: Yes!

DBM: Has your boss approached you since yesterday?

Kweku: Not yet. That is why I want to send in my resignation letter.

DBM: Are you resigning because you feel you will be fired, regardless?

Kweku: No, Dave. I have had enough of his bullshit.

DBM: Kweku, please do not get into anymore emotional exchanges with your boss. If you allow your emotions to outrun your rational decision, you may not have the time to properly think things through.

Kweku: I have no interest in talking to him today.

DBM: If you’re resigning, then it indirectly also means you’re firing him as your boss.

Kweku: Lol! I haven’t heard that before. Lol!

DBM: Do not resign via email.

Kweku: Why not? That’s how it’s done here.

DBM: You insulted him. I would suggest you write a short letter, and it should be to the points you’ve raised: low salary, unfulfillment and the unhappiness. State the actual date of your resignation, and then go to your boss’ office to hand him the letter. Without any complaints, tell him you are resigning, and try to talk over your concerns. After receiving your letter, thank him, and then leave.

Kweku: Dave, it’s too much work while I can just send him a mail. I am trying to prevent any confrontation.

DBM: I see. Anyways, you are in control of your happiness, no one else is.

Kweku: True.

DBM: Are you your family’s main source of income?

Kweku: Yes, but my wife also works.

DBM: Do you have enough saved to support your family – while you wait for your next employment?

Kweku: I have something saved.

DBM: To sustain your home for the next two-to-three years?

Kweku: Lol! Hopefully, I wouldn’t be staying in the house unemployed for that long. Lol!

DBM: Well, you can never be sure.

Kweku: My wife works. She will give me the necessary support.

DBM: Has she confirmed to that?

Kweku: She is my wife. We are in it together.

DBM: Are you going to be alright?

Kweku: I will be fine, Inshallah!

Image Credit: Nappy

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