❤ Is Enough
Tucker: My wife proposed marriage to me at a time in my life, I wasn’t thinking too much into the idea of starting a family. And, even if I had, did not exert as much effort to be serious about it. My wife was the assertive one; she knew what she wanted, while I was a bit passive. Like many guys my age, I was living only in the moment and rotating girls I thought were desperate for love and attention. Dave, I was 35 years old and didn’t know what I wanted. My wife didn’t have her whole life figured out but she understood the need to mature. I said yes to her proposal even though I knew I could be making a big mistake going along with her plan.
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): What made you want to marry her?
Tucker: She was worth investing my love and all. I couldn’t predict our future but I knew I could risk jumping in with both feet. I knew the kind of man I wanted to be around her. I knew the kind of man I could become with her in my life. I had friends back in the day who only played mind games on women while pretending to be quality guys. They sold dreams and promises to single women they couldn’t and wouldn’t follow through. Looking back, I can say they lacked integrity and had no moral compass established to guide their actions. They were inconsistent, liars, wannabes and had no plans to be any better in the long-term. The colored lifestyle they were pushing to live in the open was a daily struggle, yet were promising undiscerning single women soft life. I see a lot of boys on social media lately advocating same old script; harassing women and tricking them into sex. There’s nothing new under the sun. The man I wanted to become and the future I wanted to experience wasn’t that of partying and getting drunk and laid with buddies on the weekends.
DBM: How long have you been married?
Tucker: 30 years
DBM: Congratulations!
Tucker: Thank you, David,
DBM: Do you know where some of your old buddies are today?
Tucker: Yes. Some are dead, some are ill. Some are miserable and begging for alms from some of us; some managed to work their way into the hearts of rich women, but because they were still playing, they got found out and have been left redundant. Some have become irresponsible and have children scattered all over with different women. Some are in jail. A handful are working jobs but are still struggling overseas. I have seen the consequences that a man’s negative action has on him. My friends chose to be weak men in their youth with their arrogance, selfishness and pride.
DBM: Hmmm!
Tucker: Dave, if you plant maize, it will turn into a tall stout grass that produces hundreds of cereal grains of corn. That is the natural order of harvest; whatever will come back to you will be greater than what you sowed. That is why we have to be careful as men with our actions, especially, how we treat women and people who love us. Life somehow falls apart, so all the bad decisions we’re choosing to make will reap its own harvest in multiple folds. The seed every man is planting will grow into a massive tree. What you will reap will be greater than what you sowed.
DBM: How would you describe yourself?
Tucker: The man I am is centered around my wife and children. The best I have done is to love them like no other, protect, support and provide for them the best way I know how. The man I identify as respects my wife and people in general. I am doing right by my wife and the people I come in contact with, and it’s rubbing off on me in a good way. Life hasn’t been easy but I have been stoic in the face of difficulties. My wife tells our children always that I have been there for her on her worst days. I have been her rock.
DBM: Is there a structure to the kind of love you give to your wife?
Tucker: A man understands the seasons his wife is in at every given moment. Boys don’t have time to analyze seasons. Boys murmur, complain, find faults, blame-game, give attitude and find the easiest way out by walking after their own lust. A man, even in his driest of seasons will communicate with his wife and make the effort to adjust in the midst of it all. That is the type of love I have been offering to my wife. I give 100% of my love, devotion and service to her wellbeing and she tries her best to offer me 100% of her love, devotion and service. Love is all about sacrifice, Dave. Love is enough. I know certain experts claim it’s not, but with my 30 years of experience under my belt, I know love is enough foundation for every man to do the right things in their marriages. Even the Bible confirms it, “For God so loved the world that He gave…” Love should lead men to sacrifice and faithfulness and truth.
DBM: I’m guilty of the ‘Love is not enough’ awareness
Tucker: I know. I follow and read from your page. But Dave, a man’s love allows experiences to manifest the heart attitude of his woman. Dealing with problems, temptations or misunderstanding are some of the elements allowed in marriage to purge us, as a furnace of affliction, so that the good of our defense will shine dazzling in the light of our faithfulness and loyalty to our spouses.
DBM: How did you meet your wife?
Tucker: She was in line at a taxi station waiting her turn. She was late for work, I could see. So, I offered her and three other people in line a lift. I dropped everyone at their destination before going to work. I asked if I could pick her up and drive her back to her house after work and she agreed. Our conversations afterwards fell in place. I found time to meet her parents three weeks after knowing her, and she asked me to marry her.
DBM: How old was she?
Tucker: 29 or 30. I was not in love with her but she was the type of woman I felt could challenge me to become a better version of myself. I engaged her, and we planned a wedding. We found a place to live, and the rest they say is history. I underestimated what could be possible for us because we were total strangers and we got married in less than four months.
DBM: What was going through your mind when she proposed married?
Tucker: I thought about it for some time. I wished she had discussed her intentions about marriage with me first before popping the question out of the blue. Also, it was too soon. I’m not going to lie, I was concerned.
DBM: Concerned about what?
Tucker: Concerned about what answer to give her; saying ‘yes’ to the unknown or risking a potential relationship with her by saying ‘no’.
DBM: Would you encourage women to propose to men?
Tucker: No.
DBM: Why not?
Tucker: Girls of today are ready for marriage whilst the men are in no rush and would need time to catch up to the idea of marriage. I’d rather encourage women to discuss their desires to want to be wives with their men, and find out from them what their understanding of a happy marriage looks like. They should also ask these men if they see them, as the women they are comfortable doing marriage with. If he’s keeping the subject of marriage on hold after dating him for some time, you need to ask questions so you know his reasons.
DBM: That makes sense.
Tucker: It’s scary, and really not worth it to rush into marriage only to regret later. It’d be better to start from square one all over again to experience a fulfilling and happy relationship with someone else who will prioritize you and what you deserve in marriage. A lot of boys force their intentions to love women they do not see as life partners. They know they’re not ready but they’re telling you they love you because you’re giving them something they need. They do not want you but they need what their association with you brings them. Whatever it is they’re seeking, if it is not the truest form of love, cut them loose.
Image Credit: George Pak
