Let’s Talk To Nat
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 47: I would like to go by Nat
DBM: Hello Nat. How would you describe yourself?
Nat: I am a 37-year-old father with three great kids; I am also a husband. A very generous person, passionate and with the desire to succeed in life through fair means. I am a risk taker and I possess the willingness to do everything for the success of my family.
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Nat: Hey, can we make it another time please? I have not been feeling well
DBM: Alright! But what’s wrong with you?
Nat: I wanted us to do it but my mind is not fully focused at the moment
DBM: I understand
Nat: I feel I have made a mistake marrying my wife, even though I knew her and have been with her for a while. I had a baby with her before traveling to the States. I didn’t really look at the other side of her being a helper
DBM: Meaning?
Nat: Meaning she isn’t putting in an effort. You know how as a man, you really want to take risks in order to be successful; but when the other partner isn’t buying into those ideas, it becomes frustrating and kind of, drags you backwards.
DBM: I can imagine, hmmm! What kinds of risks do you want to take?
Nat: A lot Dave. I really want to start being my own boss, exploring other adventures; but nothing of that sort is happening. You know life is very short, and I would like to fulfill something in order to achieve much of what I want. I wouldn’t like to say I made a mistake marrying her, but most of the times, that is how I feel.
DBM: Hmmm!
Nat: I have tried talking to her but she has lost a lot of spark that – I can’t really figure out what is really going on
DBM: Do you think she’s also not happy with you, or the marriage?
Nat: I definitely feel so, but you and I know how our communities’ frown on divorce. She isn’t happy, yet she’s scared to let it go. Primarily, it might be based on the kids
DBM: I see
Nat: For sure she’s not happy, but she’s pretending to be, and that is killing me gradually
DBM: What does she do for a living?
Nat: Very good question. Her educational background isn’t great but when I met her, I tried so hard making sure she furthers her education. All attempts failed. She is a beautician now. No disrespect to her career, but I feel she can do more.
DBM: She’s with you in the States?
Nat: Yes. I brought her and my older daughter about three years ago
DBM: Okay!
Nat: I have tried to upgrade her by encouraging her to enroll in classes and stuff, to elevate her to a level where it would be good for the both of us, but all attempts have failed. It’s kind of complicated at the moment. She literally can’t stand or survive on her own, nor take care of herself. She cannot even take good care of the kids; therefore, I feel overburdened. I have to do almost everything in the family.
DBM: What are her interests?
Nat: I wish I can pinpoint what really interests her Dave
DBM: Do you know what she would like or want to do with her life?
Nat: Great question! I have asked her on countless occasions or during our discussions, but she seems not to know what she really wants to do with her life. I had to take risks to get to where I am at the moment. I am successful when it comes to my career. I have been accomplishing things because I want to give my wife and my children a good life. I wish she were on the same level with me. I would have been a happy man
DBM: What made you want to pursue her in marriage?
Nat: She’s was faithful to me even though I didn’t have anything when we met. I was just a student at the time. She wasn’t those types of ladies that would jump from one man to the other, cheating and engaging themselves in those dangerous attitudes. But now, I have realized I want more. I want my wife to be a goal getter, a woman who is not scared to take risks; a lady with a purpose in life. A woman who can support me in ways that can make me feel more relaxed, even when I am not around. Someone who can make decisions that are sound to help our kids and herself, you know?
DBM: No two people are the same. This is what you chose for a wife. How best do you think you can make do with who she is – assuming, she’s never going to change for you?
Nat: Hmmm! That’s a difficult question. I have been trying to psych her up. For instance, she took driving lessons in Ghana, before coming her. She has taken two driving lessons in addition to what she had back home. I knew there wasn’t any improvement, but she forced me to buy her a car. Eventually, I did buy her a brand new 2022 car. Guess what? She can’t drive the car. It is still parked in the garage, and I have been the one driving her around. To and from work. I wish to help her to be independent but I feel her mindset is kind of weak. It’s been a struggle to change or groom her to be who I really want her to be. Anytime she moves the car, she gets into an accident. I really want her to be successful and independent in life, so if I am not around, she can afford to take care of the children.
DBM: That’s understandable. Do you feel your life would be way better without her by your side?
Nat: Sometimes, that is how I feel, but I also feel each person comes with their own luck in our lives. Even though I wasn’t successful before she migrated to the United States, I often feel her luck is also part of the reasons why I am where I am at the moment in life. Some ladies can really ruin one’s life with a lot of bad luck. It could be that I would have been better or not… But I seriously don’t know if she is destined for me. If she is destined for me, then she has to change a little to make me happy as a man, because at this very moment, I am scared for us.
DBM: I heard my mother once tell a man who had come to discuss his plan to divorce his wife, that, ‘a good wife is a man’s covering. She may not be a perfect wife, however, keeping to her can be a good thing – because you obtain favor’
Nat: That is absolutely for sure
DBM: Do you love your wife?
Nat: Yes, I do. I love her for her patience, her respectful nature, her sense of humor, the care and other qualities. But I need her to lift herself to make me proud.
DBM: Are you in love with your wife? I mean, aside the fact that she’s not making you any prouder
Nat: I am not really in love with her
DBM: Are you in love with someone else?
Nat: No!
DBM: Okay!
Nat: I just want her to be the woman I dreamt of, so things can get better for us all.
DBM: Would you want me to recommend a counselor I trust to speak with you?
Nat: That would be wonderful
DBM: I will publish our conversation on Friday, the 27th of January. I will get him to read it, so he gets to have a fair idea of you, and then, you can WhatsApp him afterwards.
Nat: Awesome! Thank you!
DBM: You’re welcome!
Image Credit: Thirdman
