Let’s Talk To Hera
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 138: Hera
DBM: Hi Hera. How would you describe yourself?
Hera: Troubled wife
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Hera: Six
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Hera: My husband is excited about something that is obviously, pissing me off. And he’s acting as if he doesn’t see that I’m against his decision. He wants to leave his job to start a pig farm. He has a stable income, which combined with mine supports our household. But he wants to drop all that to farm pigs. Is this not a risky move?
DBM: Why does he want to go into farming?
Hera: He was raised in a farming family. I get all that, but does that mean he has to be a farm-boy? My husband holds an MSc in Finance and Financial Analytics and ACCA certification. We have two children in High School. Why isn’t he considering all that before quitting his job? Is this some mid-life crises men go through?
DBM: He’s just passionate about his love for farming. It has nothing to do with mid-life crises
Hera: We have a lot of financial commitments and responsibilities in our household. How about that?
DBM: You think he’s not thought through all that?
Hera: He clearly has not. I’m trying so hard not to get angry at him but he’s not making it easier. He was drafting his resignation letter some days ago. He is not ready to listen to my point of view.
DBM: A man’s dream is what would sometimes inspire him to wake up one morning to resign from his job, in order to push what he believes in. At the moment, you’re choosing to see only the negatives in his decision but he sees otherwise. He sees something positive in the negative decision he’s about taking at work.
Hera: I am his wife; what if I do not want him to quit his day job?
DBM: Does he enjoy his current job?
Hera: It pays the bills and keeps the home running and comfy
DBM: That wasn’t my question
Hera: He’s complained a few times in the past while in bed that his job makes him miserable, but he’s not a miserable man, Dave. Life is good
DBM: Are you okay being the one person in his life to be responsible for ‘killing’ his dream?
Hera: Pig farming is not a dream. It’s a hobby.
DBM: What do you do for a living?
Hera: I’m a Marketing Executive
DBM: What’s your take on entrepreneurship?
Hera: It’s not for me
DBM: I can respect that.
Hera: How do I talk sense into my husband?
DBM: Find out if he’s appropriately prepared and planned for himself and the family, before resigning from his job
Hera: I can answer that, he has not.
DBM: That is per your perspective. Maybe he has built or in the process of building a proper structure and system to fund his journey
Hera: Bra David, he has not. His plan is to depend on me to take up his responsibilities at home while he chases after his dream. What if the dream fails, then what?
DBM: Has he enough savings to fall back on?
Hera: We have something but that’s what he’s considering to use to start his project. I can foresee the end from the beginning
DBM: You’ve already cast his pursuit in a negative light. It’s discouraging
Hera: I can’t afford to suffer with my children at my age
DBM: There is a lot to love about pig farming. I used to help my dad on his pig farm, though I hated every bit of that experience. He’s an Economist by profession, and just like your husband, quit his job to go into full-time farming because that was what he was passionate about.
Hera: This marriage thing is not easy
DBM: Nothing in life is easy. It often takes four to five years for entrepreneurs to build a flourishing, maintainable business. It just doesn’t happen at a go
Hera: 4 to 5 years of hardship I cannot do. That’s what I’m trying to say
DBM: Talk to your husband
Hera: He does whatever he’s convinced to do
DBM: Has he any mentors in the farming business to shadow?
Hera: No
DBM: So, for you, everything is, no?
Hera: Because it’s a no.
DBM: How much money has he in the bank?
Hera: Close to 400, 000
DBM: Cedis?
Hera: Yes
DBM: Is this the savings you were talking about?
Hera: Part of it
DBM: Pig farming is capital intensive
Hera: That’s why I’m saying he’s going to fail at it because he lacks the capital.
DBM: How about suggesting to him to start a small-scale farming of the pigs as a side hustle, while he still has a job – to test the ground?
Hera: He is the type who wants to be present on the field to monitor everything. He finds it difficult trusting people. He would want to be on the farm himself
DBM: I am actually talking about a backyard something; small, convenient for him to take his time early mornings and evenings, or weekends to attend to
Hera: You know what pisses me off?
DBM: What?
Hera: He gets to have an affair in addition to all the problems he’s creating for our family
DBM: Let’s stick to the initial conversation, please!
Hera: I’m frustrated
DBM: I can feel that. Actually, come to think of it, you can kill two birds with a stone
Hera: How?
DBM: Allow your husband to be engaged in a different kind of ‘affair’, the pig farm. Encourage him to go after his dream on the side while he still works his day job. Motivate him to have a small-scale pig farm, either at home or somewhere else close by and fake your support in his dream. I see his fulltime job as his ‘marriage’ at this moment. Help him not to put your family at risk by encouraging a backyard affair. Are you understanding me?
Hera: I am
DBM: Be smart about it and protect your territory. Imaging serving yourself Fufu and groundnut soup with pork from your own backyard farm?
Hera: I will think about it.
DBM: I know friends who made similar mistakes, they quit their jobs before starting their dream businesses, and are regretting. Especially, those who were married and had children. It wasn’t easy for them. I’d rather start on a small scale while I still have a paying job to see whether or not the dream is viable and I can confidently persevere and enjoy while doing it as a full-time gig.
Hera: I agree.
DBM: Participant 137, Rhett, left a question for you: ‘Does everything in your life happen for a reason or you just find reasons after these things have happened?’
Hera: I believe everything happens for a reason. Well, with the exception of my husband quitting his damn job to go into pig farming. There is always something to gain from an experience. I’ve seen myself through painful and difficult situations that taught me very unpleasant lessons, but they were teachable moments, nonetheless. One door close, and there is a window somewhere else to throw me some light, no matter how small. I can survive anything while living for the moment.
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Hera: You are being given the chance to make your one wish come true, what would it be?
Image Credit: Pew Nguyen
