EUGENIA’S GRANDPA
I was having lunch this week with myself somewhere. Four tables ahead of me was an old man and his granddaughter. The young lady couldn’t stop staring at me. I knew she probably recognized me from Facebook. And I was right! She smiled while talking to her grandfather, and at the same time, staring at me. I smiled back and she walked to me. She is a follower of my page and really enjoys reading from here. I expressed my appreciation and she introduced herself, Eugenia.
She returned to her table and said something to her grandfather. The old guy turned to look at me. He signaled me to join their table. “My granddaughter says you’re a relationship counselor?”
No, I am not a counselor. I just have a platform that allows people to share their relationship experiences. He was delighted to know. He asked what made me start my Facebook page, and how it’s going. I responded to his questions and he was really pleased. I got to also know that he had been married for 57 years, until recently (2019) when he lost his wife. I asked him what kept his marriage going for that long. “I was always making sure I had a reason to feel great about my wife and marriage” he said.
He said, intentionally choosing to fall in love with his late wife changed a whole lot about the way he perceived things. An example he cited was, moments he knew he should or could have easily snapped at his wife for getting on his last nerve, he couldn’t. And that was because it had been his daily goal to be even excited about the idea of his wife eventually getting on his nerves. Meaning, he had had a good laugh about his wife provoking him in his mind already before it actually even manifested in real time. And when it did happen, it became more enjoyable to him to see his patience level tested to win.
He says he chose to look at everything that should have ordinarily, gotten him peeved with new eyes and understanding. He was willing to please his wife, no matter what. Things he wouldn’t have previously cared for/about, now became activities he wanted to partake, simply because his late wife enjoyed them. The other important statement he made was on TIME spent with his wife; his daily mandate, we should not forget – was to find something great about his wife and marriage. He spent as much time with his lady as possible. He said, “even when I knew work and other engagements were keeping me busy, I found myself making arrangements in order to schedule quality time to be spent with my wife.”
Even though he said he was in love with his late wife, his feelings for her weren’t always on the high. There were times those very same feelings settled or mellowed into different feels and actions. There were days he confessed he just ‘loved’ her, and was not necessarily ‘in love’ with her. This stage he says didn’t affect his goal of finding something great to feel about her and their marriage. It’s at this stage that he wouldn’t stop stressing on SACRIFICE; making sacrifices for the sake of the one you love.
And because the love was mutual, his late wife felt the same about him too, and was doing unto him, what was done to, and for her. I asked the last question on my mind before we started eating: ‘did you ever have to be with another woman to fulfil a need you felt your wife was lacking?’
His answer was “No!” His daily goal was to find something great about his wife to be excited about, and he always found something to keep him thinking and smiling, and fussing, and looking forward to telling her about it every evening, before bed.
“Me and my wife flirted a lot. Before phones and computers, we were writing ourselves little notes that we hid in each other’s bags, pockets or books that we took to work. It was like a puzzle game, because I was always searching for her note every day – to keep me smiling and thinking of her.”
He made me understand that, sex was good in their relationship. And though it could have been better, he wouldn’t complain, regardless. He made sure to be home on time to help reduce his wife’s stresses, because she also was working. His support at home helped clear her mind, and was setting her in the mood for intimacy with him. He believes, sex with his wife always started outside of the bedroom.
Image Credits: Dids
