Let’s Talk To Jina
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 116: Jina
DBM: Hello Jina. How would you describe yourself?
Jina: I live by a different set of core beliefs and that’s what is guiding my decisions
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Jina: 7
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Jina: My mother walked into a sensitive relationship with me, in the name of marriage. I was 17 years old. Just like my mother, when I dream of getting married, I am often imagining my relationship to be a happily ever after storyline. Divorce wouldn’t be a thought on my mind because I’d only want to thrive as my husband’s wife. Prior to her second marriage, she was in an unhappy situation with my father. Even I wished she could start all over without my dad, but mom stayed because of me. I’ve heard people say that it takes two people in a marriage to make it work, but I saw my mother as the only one doing things differently to keep the home together. Mum ensured she was her pleasant self every day, while my father found every reason to fight with her. My mother lost her energy to stay married. She died five years into her second marriage with my step father, who is currently my soul mate.
DBM: Your step father is your husband, you mean?
Jina: No, boyfriend
DBM: How old are you?
Jina: I’m in my mid-twenties
DBM: Is your relationship with zaddy public?
Jina: No
DBM: At what point did your step-dad become a love interest?
Jina: I am still mystified as to why of all the men in the world, I decided to fall in love with my late mother’s husband. He was mourning my mother, months after her burial and one day he looked at me and the attraction between us turned into something rather commanding and real, we were both comfortable with crossing that bridge over troubled waters.
DBM: Meaning?
Jina: We had sex. We were completely at ease around each other, the attraction could not be mistaken
DBM: Did he and your mother have kids?
Jina: No!
DBM: Has he any children of his own?
Jina: Yes
DBM: They know you as their step-sister?
Jina: Yes
DBM: They know about you and their dad?
Jina: Not yet
DBM: What caused your mother’s death?
Jina: She suffered from a chronic lower respiratory disease
DBM: How would you describe your boyfriend?
Jina: He is a generous wave that carried my mother and me along with him
DBM: How long have you been dating?
Jina: Over year, four months and two weeks
DBM: You love him?
Jina: With all of my heart. He’s very down to earth and endearing. When my mother was alive, his unconditional acceptance of her was never based on anything special she had to do. He was fond of saying, mum was one of God’s beautiful gifts to him.
DBM: Awww! How do you understand love?
Jina: When I am able to let him live his life, and not do anything that would suggest I want to keep him only for myself.
DBM: Hmmm!
Jina: It’s crazy, I know! But it’s because I trust him, and we have so much in common
DBM: Was the feelings between you two mutual when your mother was alive?
Jina: There was nothing romantically inclined between us
DBM: Is this a relationship that could end up in marriage?
Jina: No. We’ve talked about it, and marriage is certainly out of the question
DBM: You don’t want to be married?
Jina: I do. But in our complicated situation, it wouldn’t be ideal. Just having him close by is good enough for me; especially knowing how much he cares about me
DBM: You’re certain you’re not confusing your own emotions, especially knowing how vulnerable you both are while going through the whole grieving process of the one woman you loved?
Jina: I loved my mother, and he loved his wife dearly. That love is still present in our hearts. I think what we’ve developed between us, in a way is a compliment also to my mother. The human heart is capable of limitless love and can or will make room for possible relationships in the future
DBM: In other words, you can love two people at the same time?
Jina: I believe so; though those two relationships will never be founded on the same level of depth and definitely not feel the same, one can still be happy pursuing love while making the most out of life. Sharing true love with someone you are capable of genuinely caring about is a healthy exercise for the soul
DBM: How long are you two planning on keeping your relationship under wraps?
Jina: We haven’t discussed into detail. We feel that people will quickly assume that’s what might have even killed my mother, but we both know that’s not the case. Also, we don’t want to overwhelm ourselves with the judgmental attitudes of naysayers
DBM: So, where do you draw the line between a secret relationship and a private one?
Jina: Dave, we recently buried his wife, my mother. We don’t want the outside world to know he’s been able to move on so quickly with me. Because truth is, we’re still mourning her in our own way. And we are not ready to compromise our relationship in the process of having to always explain why we happen to be dating all of a sudden.
DBM: How do you think your mother would be feeling in her grave – if she were to see what you two are up to?
Jina: The traditional priest representing my boyfriend’s family’s clan showed up at our house, unannounced, the night we first had sex. He asked us to pacify my mother at the graveyard with an egg, schnapps, a fowl and a plea. He covered us with leaves and doted spots to perform a sacred ritual as demanded by their custom to enable us to be together intimately
DBM: I see. How did he know you two were sleeping together?
Jina: That’s a question for the gods. We don’t know how but he showed up at our doorstep
DBM: Do you work?
Jina: Yes, I am a teacher
DBM: So, you’re not with him because of money?
Jina: To me, money is a make-believe commodity. In fact, I am the one that gives ‘sika’ the very power it has in my life. Dave, as long as I can feed myself, I’m good to go.
Image Credit: Jairo David-Arboleda
