Let’s Talk To Kuukua
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 154: Kuukua is my name
DBM: Hi Kuukua. How would you describe yourself?
Kuukua: An open, easy book
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Kuukua: 6
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Kuukua: My husband does not share his fears with me. He is not vulnerable with me. I don’t know what his difficulties are. What am I missing?
DBM: What are you expecting of him?
Kuukua: Dave, I share everything with my husband. I tell him about my day but he doesn’t volunteer information as much. My intention is for us to establish trust and some level of closeness. This is making me feel uncomfortable. It’s like, he’s keeping secrets from me
DBM: In-as-much as I get where you are coming from, I don’t think being married to him means sharing all the last details of your life with him.
Kuukua: Why not? He is my husband. We’re supposed to be one unit. ‘And the two shall be one…’
DBM: Withholding information pertaining to an aspect of my day doesn’t necessarily mean I am keeping a secret from you.
Kuukua: I don’t subscribe to your opinion on this matter
DBM: Everyone has the right to some level of privacy. Have you not, even for once, desired to be alone with your thoughts?
Kuukua: I have, but at the end of the day, I share my thoughts with my husband
DBM: That’s your choice. His may be, to keep certain things to himself
Kuukua: And what if – him doing that troubles me?
DBM: What if, him sharing his deepest thoughts with you also makes him uncomfortable?
Kuukua: Why should he feel uncomfortable telling me things?
DBM: Giving a man his privacy, most of the time builds a certain degree of intimacy with you. If he doesn’t feel coerced or made to feel uncomfortable to disclose an information about himself, he will feel safe and respected. This feeling makes us want to open up and be vulnerable around you. This, also makes us comfortable to want to share what’s really on our minds.
Kuukua: My husband is comfortable talking about important issues with another woman
DBM: How do you know this?
Kuukua: I go through his phone while he’s asleep
DBM: You realize what I was talking about?
Kuukua: What?
DBM: Respecting boundaries. Do you seek for his permission before touching his phone?
Kuukua: No, and I am doing nothing wrong by going through his phone
DBM: Do you love him?
Kuukua: So very much
DBM: Does he know how much you love him?
Kuukua: He does
DBM: So, he doesn’t feel unloved, alone or bitter around you?
Kuukua: I don’t think he does
DBM: Hmmm! Why is he seeking emotional companionship outside then?
Kuukua: That’s what I am trying to understand. He talks to this other lady about me, our children, and even about things going on in his family that I had no idea of
DBM: Things like?
Kuukua: Giving money to his sister to expand her business.
DBM: Do you have a problem with that?
Kuukua: I don’t. All I am saying is, I want to know about these kinds of things. My husband is going through depression, and I do not know about it. But he tells this other woman. He asks her also about what to get me as gifts on special occasions. Every present or surprise that he’s pulled on me or made me experience were suggestions from the woman.
DBM: Do you know this other lady?
Kuukua: I do
DBM: What do you think is the nature of their friendship?
Kuukua: I think it goes deeper than it meets the eye
DBM: What’s your reason?
Kuukua: Because they discussed it in one of their chats. They both had identified a potential connection between them.
DBM: What type of connection?
Kuukua: Sexual tension
DBM: Is the lady married?
Kuukua: No!
DBM: I see
Kuukua: Your guess is as good as mine
DBM: I think your imaginations may be running wild
Kuukua: If it looks like a duck…
DBM: You need to refrain from trespassing upon your husband’s phone
Kuukua: I can’t
DBM: Question: Do you share everything with him because it makes you feel better or you desire the change and transformation it may bring to you two?
Kuukua: Because I think it’s the right thing to do
DBM: Participant 153, Ola, left a question for you: ‘Why did you forgive the person who hurt you the most?’
Kuukua: I forgave him because it’s a relationship I want to keep. Keeping tabs on what he did to hurt my feelings only made me hate him. I don’t want to hate the man I love
DBM: This is in reference to your husband, no?
Kuukua: Yes
DBM: You mind me asking what he did?
Kuukua: He had an affair
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Kuukua: Do you think people are replaceable?
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: Davd Kuko
