Good man – David B

MY EWE SYRUP

Written by David B on July 23, 2022. Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 12: Would love to use Vicky.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

VICKY: Well, I am 34yrs of age and a business woman. I am a lovely lady and I care very much about people, especially the needy. I am a very private person. I don’t easily forgive wrong doings, thus my reason for always ensuring I am in my lane😂(I am still working on myself).

DBM: How long have you been married?

VICKY: I have been married for 9yrs.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

VICKY: Dave, I am chubby in person😄, and so I always admire the slim and not too tall type of men. I am glad I got exactly as I wanted.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

VICKY: Hmmm! Very interesting one there😄. I used to read one newspaper called (Ebony) in the early 2000s. And there was a particular story that we followed all the time for updates; just after every episode you can choose to write comments by posting it through the Post office; in a week’s time your comments got published. I happen to post mine together with my email address and phone number. Phone those days weren’t in use much, and so email was most times the tool for easy communication. My husband, then an unknown friend, fell in love with my name (tribe). Our friendship started from Yahoo mail in a matter of four good years before we met face to face. We married within nine months after we met.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

VICKY: Not really, especially at the first six years of our marriage, but now I can say yes! I have learned to trust him, though at times because of his judgmental attitude I switch, but then, I am still on it. It’s better.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

VICKY: He becomes very excited when I see different ladies with back and front loads, and I prompt him to take a glance, (he can’t pretend ooo)

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

VICKY: I wasn’t certain about him at first – because he rescued me from a broken heart, even though he had no idea about that past. I decided to marry him to shame my ex. I remember I couldn’t control my tears on my wedding day, in which the witnesses present misunderstood to be tears of joy, but trust me, it wasn’t.

I thought of the regret but we move la. My husband’s intelligence, smartness and faithful love towards me, when I had a miscarriage for the first time in our marriage, followed by a stillbirth of an eight months old pregnancy, and later had premature twins etc. This man stood by me in all the odds; that was when I realized I had gotten 99% types of a good man. I then sat down one day and accessed myself, and left the past behind me. Since then, I have given my all to this marriage.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

VICKY: Yes, very well! His style of dressing, his neatness and above all, his very energetic nature in bed😂. (You can’t joke with Ewe men)

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

VICKY: I do listen to understand but as I said, his judgement on issues sometimes puts me off. Though I know he is very mature in mind, and some of the issues he addresses to are true, I try not to get all worked up, and so I overlook certain things just to grant him an audience.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

VICKY: He is perfect! He is good in all aspects of life, and I like the intellectual aspects of him too. My husband is a very responsible family man.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

VICKY: To love and to hold, till death.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

VICKY: When we go for outings, especially far away from home.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

VICKY: Yes! Very well (especially for the past 4yrs)

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

VICKY: Yes! 98%.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

VICKY: Mostly, when he is at home; but these days I realize that quality time to be spent is fading gradually, because of the phone. I work with my phone most of the times and I wish he could understand me a little bit.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

VICKY: For now Yes.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

VICKY: Dave! Yes 💯%

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

VICKY: Growing stronger and healthier, and always advising our three boys on life issues.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

VICKY: Dave, I will be the happiest woman on earth the day I will reach that thing called orgasm 😂 Not that he is not good in bed ooo, we do explore various types of sex but still… I asked my mum and only sister about it, and they said same. I then proceeded to see a doctor and upon a series of tests, they came to the conclusion of it probably being a genetic issue. I was raped at a very tender age, and I learnt it could also be a factor.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

VICKY: 9/10. Hoping for the best.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

VICKY: Sacrificing for each other, being committed, and also listening to your partner without making him or her feel less in any way.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

VICKY: Very well! He also tries his best to put a smile on my face, and I hope things will turn out good soon.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

VICKY: Yes! I am really trying my best, Dave.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

VICKY: Never! It is something I will find very difficult to forgive, if he’s to cheat on me. And so, I promised never to try it at all.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

VICKY: My Chipolonpolon husband,

I have grown to love you now. I can’t live without you these days; kindly trust and believe in me. Everything will be fine. I am a work in progress wai. Stay healthy for me and stop catching BP. My body and soul are all for you. Happy yourself, na life is too short to be thinking of unnecessary issues.

Image Credit: Mike Jones

MY FAVORITE PERSON

Written by David B on July 9, 2022. Posted in Blog.

I have never believed in LOVE IN ITS ENTIRETY; maybe, apart from my dad’s love (which was short lived), I don’t trust any other, not even that of my mother. Her world of marriage was not something I looked forward to, neither have I ever thought I would get married someday. It seems like a ‘burden’ or a ‘risk’. I don’t take risks deliberately, if I can avoid, why go into it? My husband (I call him roommate), first knew he will marry me when he was about 19 years old in high school. He had not met me but saw my name on a school admission board for freshmen (apparently, he fell in love with my name). He was in his final year and had promised himself to marry the lady behind that name. He told his other cousin and a friend in school then. Lo and behold, I finally arrived in school only for him to discover, ‘I was out of his league’, as some of his mates were interested in me.

The first time I met him, it seemed like a déjà vu. I believed I had known him but nope, never do I recall meeting him anywhere, except that – he had the looks of my father. We didn’t communicate much as his exist on campus was near but he always spoke to me, writing little poems in a notebook and dropping it off in my class. (We were in the same department). We exchanged poems in that notebook but never sat together to have a chat till he left campus.

I returned home one vacation, visiting my cousin only to discover we were in the same neighborhood and lived close to my cousin’s house. Before visiting him for the first time at home, he had already told his family he had a girlfriend. (I had no idea I was his girlfriend) yet, that was how the family saw me. No one dared to ask. They passed funny jokes whenever I visited. (I left the area and returned years later). He still held on to me as ‘his girlfriend’ all that time. I was living my life.

Long story short, one night while escorting me home he said when I get a job, I will use my first few months’ salary to marry you. I laughed so hard because I knew he seemed too good a guy for me, (WE WERE NOT OFFICIALLY DATING. I still saw him as a ‘good friend’. I couldn’t see myself marrying him. He was too quiet for my liking. Truly to his words, he went to my sister one day and told her he wants to marry me; went ahead to my elder brother to inform him about his intentions to marry me. Note: no member of my family knew I was dating; neither was aware I had a serious boyfriend, except my big sister, who knows the men (general) in my life. The first time my family met him officially was the day of the ‘knocking’.

He had informed his family but I was the last person to know I was about to get married. When his father and Auntie called me to inform me, I was upset, and confronted him about it. He was confident I am the only woman he wants to be with. I gave them my own date to be married, as their notice was about a month ahead to the proposed date. I requested for a few more months. We got married within four months after his intention was made known. Our 14 years together has never seen any misunderstanding; he hates confrontation and he is a man of very few words. He is the worst person to pick a quarrel with because he won’t utter a word. A friend once told me you both are like oil and water. I am an extrovert and he is like a ‘TOTAL LOCKDOWN’; that’s if that can describe an extreme introvert. He lives in the shadows. He joins me on my night life, and I am like his ‘bad influence’. I taught him how to drink alcohol, socialize, club; how to express his anger, and also, talking to women without fear of offending them. Not all women are rude when approached. It depends on how you come at them.

Ask me about an Angel and I will point to him; he says he wanted a wife but got a social media manager too, (you send him WhatsApp messages and he takes months to reply. I have to check his messages for him. I don’t know about happily ever, but I am a happily spoiled wife. Marriage to him is like having a roommate who does all the work, while you take compliments. I live a simple life with him. I married him with a leap of faith in him. He is a man that met all my checklist: tribe, same taste in music, loves domestic chores; he is faithful, loves movies; he has a lovely skin color; very empathetic, and started life with me from the ground up. We had the exact country themed wedding I dreamed of. We are building a future together, but whatever happens in the future I am proud and glad I met a man who defines marriage as a commandment of commitment. He once said to me you are the woman I am having my every first with.

Least I forget, our poetic note book was our marriage wows. We’ve been married for 10 years now. Our wedding song was “When God Made You”. He is a man with no flaws, dignity, and the humblest to ever walk this earth. Whenever there is chaos, he is that ‘silver lining’. Mr. EC, may God bless you a million times. If you miss heaven, I will blame God; if I depart this earth some day before you, I want you to move on with your life, and enjoy it to the fullest. I promise to learn how to drive so you can stay home and enjoy your lockdown in peace. Allow me to also do the domestic chores; my mum says you make me lazy. Judith says you are a diplomatic person so I should allow you to do your things while I do my controversial things. Gizz said if you become a pastor someday, we will be poor because you can’t take offertory, and would probably give out all our savings.

Image Credit: Andres Ayrton

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