Let’s Talk To Dexter
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 152: My name is Dexter
DBM: Hi Dexter. How would you describe yourself?
Dexter: Rosemond’s husband
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Dexter: Seven
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Dexter: This is not a popular opinion but mine with women. The women I have been with, including my wife, all seem to shoot blanks when it comes to their dealings with me. This includes my wife’s interpretations of my actions as a man, and her husband in our marriage. The least-appealing thing I do, and a woman in my life is resentful of me. Bro, guys are simple people oo
DBM: We can be simple, I concur
Dexter: I don’t need much to be happy with my life, unlike my wife. I am a man of few things, just like what you will find in my wardrobe.
DBM: What do you need to be satisfied, as Rosemond’s husband?
Dexter: I want my respect, our shared mutual affection and great sex. Dave, that’s all I want from a woman
DBM: Does your wife make available to you these needs?
Dexter: You remember the scale you put me on from 1 to 10?
DBM: Yes
Dexter: I am 7 because she supplies my needs the best way possible
DBM: Is 7 enough?
Dexter: I wouldn’t mind a 9
DBM: Can she get you to a nine?
Dexter: My wife can work hard to help me achieve it. She’s focused and has a clear vision of how she wants her marriage to be. She’s determined to get what she wants and deserves.
DBM: But do you also deserve a woman like your wife?
Dexter: I think I do. I will do anything for that woman. Dave, won’t you do anything for the one you love?
DBM: I am loved well, so yes.
Dexter: A man is a simple thing to figure out.
DBM: I am a communications person but would hardly communicate my concerns in my relationship. How do you talk about serious issues bothering you in your marriage?
Dexter: My wife knows how to measure my level of happiness. She can tell between my moods to know I am unhappy about something. We fight, we argue, but it doesn’t extend. For her, she will make sure she’s heard – if my actions or attitude bothers her. She doesn’t believe in silence when something is troubling her. She does not expect me to read her mind, while she can talk about it.
DBM: I see
Dexter: I married a woman who ensures that both she and those close to, and around her are treated with respect and dignity. My wife will always get to the point when she has something on her mind to discuss
DBM: What if you’re not in the mood to reason with her?
Dexter: The truth is, avoiding a conversation you’re not interested in doesn’t resolve the problem at stake. She knows how to gently help me put my pride aside to talk about difficult issues.
DBM: And, are you able to sit and talk?
Dexter: Always
DBM: How so?
Dexter: She rewards me when I prioritize what is important to her
DBM: Do you do it because you know there is a reward you like being offered you at the end?
Dexter: Yes and no. Yes, because I love the reward she presents. When a naked woman sits on my lap to discuss what she feels I am doing wrong to hurt her feelings, what do you think I would do? Turn away from such a conversation?
DBM: Sex is the reward?
Dexter: Sex should be one of the kind gestures towards reconciliation.
DBM: After the sex, then what?
Dexter: Happiness on her face, smiles, positive energy and mood, love at every glance, special attention, happy wife, happy husband
DBM: Smh!
Dexter: What?
DBM: How long have you been married?
Dexter: 13 years
DBM: Nice
Dexter: I am proud of myself when I am able to make my wife happy. That’s what I live for, as her husband
DBM: I see. What else comes to mind when you think of your wife?
Dexter: Being her protector and lover. My wife is not my best friend. I have a best friend. But she is my closest friend.
DBM: Who is your best friend?
Dexter: A childhood friend
DBM: Male or female?
Dexter: Female
DBM: I see
Dexter: She’s married
DBM: But you’ve tapped that A$$?
Dexter: That was before I met my wife
DBM: Why didn’t it work out?
Dexter: We weren’t good as a couple, but we are solid as friends
DBM: She feels this same way about you?
Dexter: Yes. It was her idea to break things off. She found her right guy to love. I am her right friend to relate to.
DBM: Do you miss her as an intimate friend?
Dexter: No. I like our friendship better
DBM: Have you cheated on your wife before?
Dexter: Yes, once
DBM: How long ago?
Dexter: 8 years ago, I think
DBM: What led to that?
Dexter: I was out of Ghana to further my education
DBM: So, it happened while you were away?
Dexter: Yes
DBM: Did you love the other woman?
Dexter: It was an arrangement. No strings attached. She needed it for herself too. Sex buddies and study mates.
DBM: Where is she now?
Dexter: I haven’t stayed in touch with her since returning home
DBM: Does your wife know?
Dexter: She doesn’t
DBM: Why not?
Dexter: She doesn’t have to know every bad decision I make. I’ve owned up to myself with this wrong deed. I know I made a bad decision, and I’ve taken responsibility of my action. I am doing better so far.
DBM: My prayer every morning is to at least, try to do right by GOD, do right by myself and do right by others, specifically, my significant other.
Dexter: There is no excuse for what I did. That’s the reason why I do not see the need to hurt her feelings by telling her.
DBM: Participant 151, Forrest, left a question for you: ‘How do you process the feelings of confusion or loss?’
Dexter: We have a lot more clarity than we think of ourselves as a people. I am able to reason with myself to not get carried away when down.
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Dexter: Share with me a moment in your life that you will never forget
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: Desmond Gatimu
