Let’s Talk To Louis
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 166: Louis, my brother
DBM: Hi Louis. How would you describe yourself?
Louis: Not complicated, not hard to understand
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Louis: 5.5
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Louis: I’m tempted to cheat on my wife
DBM: How long have you been married?
Louis: 14 years
DBM: Why do you feel like cheating on your wife?
Louis: My hormones are controlling this version of me, I think
DBM: What are your hormones seeking exactly?
Louis: More fun, more sex. I think I need a short break from the routine of my busy life
DBM: How busy are you in life?
Louis: So much going on lately
DBM: Like?
Louis: I don’t want to talk about it
DBM: Is sex lacking at home?
Louis: Not really
DBM: Is wifey a boring person?
Louis: Nah!
DBM: So, what is it then?
Louis: I feel like I need my batteries charged with a connection more available to me and my sexual needs
DBM: How would you rate your sex life with your wife?
Louis: Now?
DBM: Yeah
Louis: 55 to 60-ish %
DBM: I see
Louis: Also, I don’t want to stress her. Too much on her plate
DBM: Too much as in?
Louis: The children, her work, her dad, she’s also in school, etc.
DBM: What’s wrong with her father?
Louis: He’s sick
DBM: How old are your children?
Louis: 12, 10 and 7 years
DBM: How does your wife make you feel?
Louis: Make me feel, like how?
DBM: Tell me something about your wife
Louis: She’s self-sufficient, very independent, a great person, and a very hardworking woman. I feel desired by her. She makes me feel like I am the greatest man, and capable of anything
DBM: Are you capable of loving her?
Louis: Of course, I love my wife
DBM: How much?
Louis: Lol! I love her
DBM: Do you feel like you have lost your place in the marriage because she’s independent and self-sufficient?
Louis: Nothing like that
DBM: So, you feel useful in the marriage?
Louis: I do
DBM: How about your use and purpose in the marriage
Louis: I’m still the man and head of our home
DBM: In other words, you do not feel lost in where your place is, in the marriage?
Louis: I am able to fulfill my responsibilities as a man, husband and father
DBM: Are you attracted to your wife?
Louis: I am
DBM: She pleases you sexually?
Louis: Yes
DBM: You get pleasure from being with her?
Louis: Yes
DBM: Are you miserable in the marriage?
Louis: No
DBM: Are you in an unhappy marriage?
Louis: No
DBM: There is happiness at home?
Louis: We’re happy together, yes.
DBM: She takes very good care of you?
Louis: She does
DBM: Do you feel admired in your marriage?
Louis: My wife finds me attractive. She’s proud of me
DBM: Does she take your need for sex seriously?
Louis: She tries her very best
DBM: And is her ‘very best’ good enough for you?
Louis: It could be better, but at the moment, manageable. Are you married?
DBM: I’ve done five years loving and committing to someone, and each year has presented us different versions of ourselves that challenged our purpose
Louis: I didn’t know that. I thought you were single
DBM: I am not. I don’t discuss my personal relationship
Louis: Have you faced similar temptation?
DBM: I’ve been attracted to someone else before
Louis: And?
DBM: I drew nearer to the temptation to talk.
Louis: Just to talk?
DBM: The knowing you, knowing me process
Louis: I’m doing that too with the other woman
DBM: I see
Louis: And?
DBM: Mine could have been something equally beautiful – if I had pursued it
Louis: But…
DBM: I developed a taste bud for fine wine, and came to the realization that, even as a novice in wine tasting, I could tell the difference between an old and a new wine by the excitements each presented to me.
Louis: I love wine
DBM: Good. An aged wine has a pleasing flavor to it. Your wife of 14 years isn’t the same young lady you met and married 14 years ago
Louis: No, she’s not
DBM: You have at home, a woman who has grown strong with you, throughout the different seasons of your 14 years together, holding you, the children, the family and marriage down, no?
Louis: Yes
DBM: I came to the realization that; I’d rather have and value love that has grown strong.
Louis: Hmmm! Like fine wine
DBM: How long have you been engaging the other lady?
Louis: Almost three months
DBM: What’s your favorite fruit?
Louis: Apple
DBM: In what world do you compare a three months old apple juice to a 14 year old wine?
Louis: Yeah…
DBM: Does it even make sense to you? Just like the roots of any tree, its dense root are the masterstrokes to its endurance and potential to thrive. Question is, which of these new temptations catching your attention has done 14 years of YOU, three kids, and managing your household to build a family?
Louis: Point well noted
DBM: You have something that grows strong at home, Louis, and she’s your wife
Louis: I know
DBM: You may not need your wife to meet your horny moments. You do not need your wife to survive; she does not need you to survive either. In fact, no woman does. But for your marriage to survive, you need your wife.
Louis: Yes. My wife is not perfect, but she’s good
DBM: Try to love this new version of your wife that you’re currently staying with
Louis: I will try
DBM: That’s the least you can do. Find each other in this new phase of your marriage. Some of us are intentional on doing that
Louis: I need to say though, that a few things aren’t working to make our marriage as I want it
DBM: You can choose to divorce yourself from the version of your marriage that isn’t working for you now, and learn to adapt to the new phase it’s taking. Remember good wine, over the course of years undergoes a series of complicated changes that impact its aroma, flavors, and colors. And these changes elevate the wine to new heights, while revealing its entirely new character.
Louis: Yes
DBM: Good wine prepares the heart for love. And I know for a fact, the longer the wine is left to ferment, after being transferred to the oak barrel or glass jugs, the finer the wine tastes. What does your wife taste like today?
Louis: Nutritious
DBM: Your marriage can have the potential to grow into a deep, fruitful love, and the roots of your love can also grow stronger over time
Louis: Yes
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Louis: What are you most proud of about yourself?
DBM: Thank you!
Louis: It was nice talking to you
Image Credit: Rachel Claire
