Let’s Talk To SL
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 27: Sister Lydia or SL
DBM: Hello SL. Please tell me a little about yourself.
SL: Wife. Mother. Sister. Friend. Software Engineering Manager
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
SL: Are you a counselor, David?
DBM: No please, I am not.
SL: Why do you want us to talk to you?
DBM: I’ve always wanted to host a platform where people with something to say could openly, and fully speak their thoughts, without me interrupting. I think I am easy to talk to – when I am in a good mood, and can listen without necessarily judging. Also, I want people to feel heard and understood. I find value in every conversation I have with people.
SL: I’ve been a silent follower of your Facebook platform for years. I like the different conversations on your website. I want to talk to you because I think you’re a wonderful person, kind, un-judging and welcoming.
DBM: Thank you!
SL: My husband thinks my best friends may lead me astray.
DBM: Is he right?
SL: No!
DBM: So, why is he thinking that about them?
SL: Because they’re not married and they live a certain type of life.
DBM: What’s their lifestyle like?
SL: They roll with the big shots and they get paid for their time and services. They sometimes smoke, drink and live large.
DBM: What type of service do they provide?
SL: Men with class make offers to pay them money to keep them entertained. They’re basically compensated for their time and energy.
DBM: How old are you?
SL: I am in my thirties
DBM: Your friends are in that age bracket?
SL: Yes!
DBM: How long have you known them?
SL: 20+ years
DBM: How long have you known your husband?
SL: Almost 10 years.
DBM: Why do you still keep your friends close?
SL: Dave, I am my best self when we’re together.
DBM: Do you smoke?
SL: I used to
DBM: Why did you stop?
SL: My husband didn’t like it.
DBM: Do you drink?
SL: Occasionally.
DBM: Like, when you’re with your friends?
SL: Yes! And at parties or functions
DBM: Did you used to be an escort?
SL: Lol! I wouldn’t know how to answer this question.
DBM: Just try
SL: I am a career woman as already indicated, and have been working for 11 years. But prior to getting married, I used to get paid thousands of Cedis, and sometimes, in Dollars a month for regular sex.
DBM: And, your husband knows about this past?
SL: No! And I don’t think it’s any of his business.
DBM: Agreed! How would you describe your friends and their way of living?
SL: Grown women enjoying their freedoms. They want more options. They want more money. They want to do whatever the hell they want, on their own terms.
DBM: Do you think your friends have the power to be a bad influence on you?
SL: I don’t think so. I’m a grown-ass woman with a mind of my own.
DBM: Do you think your husband’s concerns are valid?
SL: I have known these ladies longer than I’ve known my husband. They know me, I know them; we trust our bond, and hold dear our friendship. We’ve been through a lot together and have built memories that we cherish. They’re more than just friends, they’re my sisters. They’ve been my greatest support system to just let go like that.
DBM: Have you tried explaining all this to your husband?
SL: Yes, but he insists I choose between our family and them.
DBM: Have you also considered the probability of a bad influence, masked behind wonderful friendships or intensely loving relationships?
SL: My friends are good people. They’ve contributed money to support my family during a hard time in our marriage.
DBM: Your husband knows this?
SL: No! His pride wouldn’t have allowed him to take the help, if he knew it came from them.
DBM: Are you immune to the personalities of your friends?
SL: I don’t think so. No one is as perfect
DBM: Evaluate their behaviors and actions
SL: They’re loyal, hardworking; they’ve helped me in ways that I did not think could be possible; they can be humorous and down to earth; well-rounded bitches, strong-willed, independent, sexy, bold and very kind.
DBM: How many friends are they?
SL: They’re four. I am the fifth.
DBM: Do they like the fact that you are married and have a family of your own?
SL: They love my children and are happy for me and my marriage.
DBM: They like your husband?
SL: Very much, but he talks bad about them in their absence.
DBM: Do your friends talk bad about your husband?
SL: No!
DBM: Which of the two damage your self-confidence, leaving you to sometimes feel emotionally drained?
SL: My husband.
DBM: Which of them has the tendency of stirring up negativity in your presence?
SL: My husband.
DBM: Which of them make you feel the most invigorated, happiest, healthiest, inspired, motivated and innovative?
SL: My friends. No doubt about this one.
DBM: Which of them would you classify as fake?
SL: Explain the fakeness
DBM: As in, they act one way when they’re in your face, and another when not in your presence?
SL: My husband is the fakest.
DBM: Which of them is clingy, and wants you to only hang out with them – giving you unreasonable ultimatums?
SL: My husband
DBM: Which of them acts like a jealous imp?
SL: My husband
DBM: Which of them show up with love only at moments when they can benefit from having you as a friend?
SL: My husband. I sometimes think he’s an opportunist, though he makes his own money.
DBM: Is there any good at all to your husband?
SL: Why do you ask?
DBM: From the responses you’ve given, I cannot think far
SL: I love my husband. I am just sick and tired of his tantrums.
DBM: Would you choose your friends over your husband?
SL: If I am to compare my relationship with both, I would say my friends are the best company to keep.
DBM: Can you ask any one of your girl friends to grant me an exclusive interview into their daily lives and line of work? I feel like engaging one of them.
SL: That will be fine. We all follow you on Facebook.
DBM: I would appreciate that.
Image Credit: Idy Tanndy
