Tag: Intention

Let’s Talk To Cleo

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 42: Cleo

DBM: Hi Cleo. Please tell me a little about yourself

Cleo: I’m a naughty, saved-by-Grace lady; a wife, a mom; in my late 30’s and a corporate lady

DBM: Hehehehe! What do you want to talk about? 😊

Cleo: Life and the decision to love

DBM: What’s your life’s story?

Cleo: I was brought up in a strict middle-class Pentecostal home and family; one of the extremely intelligent girls in class, and a talker. I started dating after university, and I have had my share of heartbreaks. Life wasn’t easy but it wasn’t difficult either. I learnt from an early stage in life, how to work to make ends meet for me.

DBM: What influenced your choice of a husband?

Cleo: Eii Dave, you won’t believe me if I tell you

DBM: Tell me😁

Cleo: Kk… Let’s start from the beginning; I was dating another man, actually engaged to be married. But I always knew we won’t work out. So, I called it quits, three months to my wedding. I was 32 then. On my 32nd birthday, I prayed to God and I asked Him for a husband. I gave God a checklist of what I wanted in a husband, and admitted that I’d done things my way and it hadn’t work out, and so this time round, it was His way through and through. I covenanted to desist from things that He God didn’t approve of.

I stopped talking to all other men, and I met my husband a year after. A month after my 33rd birthday, I told God I wanted a man that loved Him much more than anything else, and I knew if he loved God, he’ll love me. Dave, I chose my husband because he loves God.

DBM: GOD aside, were you in love with him?

Cleo: Dave, I decided to love him.

DBM: What do you believe love is?

Cleo: Love is a decision, not a feeling; a daily decision to choose the other person over and over again, above one self. Love is thoughtful and kind. Love doesn’t keep account of wrongs, it’s not rude.

DBM: What is wrong with the scenario whereby each spouse decides to put themselves first?

Cleo: Then they don’t love their spouse. They may feel something, but I don’t it would be love. Putting yourself first before your spouse means you don’t love your spouse.

DBM: How do you express love?

Cleo: I’m an intentional person, I always want to satisfy the person I love. My acts towards the person are clear; no ambiguity; no need to infer. It’s clear as possible. I always try to express my love to my husband through his love language.

DBM: How do you handle the unexpected and change?

Cleo: I don’t like change much, but I’ve learnt to embrace it. Change is the only constant in life; there’s no progress without change.

DBM: True! Can you deal with him doing things without you, in respect to his need for privacy?

Cleo: We have an open, honest marriage. I give him privacy when he requires, but he eventually tells me what’s going on. He’s never taken a decision that would affect our family without informing me. I’ve never thought of such a situation

DBM: Do you know all the ways your husband says, ‘I love you’? This is in reference to your language

Cleo: I’m easy; my love language is words of affirmation and quality time. He tells me sweet things all the time. But he loves surprises, and he’s always planning ways to wow my mind.

DBM: 😊 How important is sex to you?

Cleo: Very. It was the third on my checklist; my husband had to be great in bed

DBM: Lol! Do you believe love can last forever?

Cleo: Of course, Dave. Love is a decision, as long as you decide to love the person, it can last forever. You can love someone all the time, but that doesn’t mean you like the person all the time

DBM: True! Each and every day, marriages are being touched by the brokenness of this world. Do you see your marriage to be existing and functioning as GOD intended?

Cleo: Exactly as God intended. We surrender our marriage to God every day; my husband is my head, as Christ is his head, and I submit to my husband not because I want to, but because it’s a command from God. I have to admit, submitting to my husband is very easy; he makes it very easy for me.

DBM: I see. That’s good to know. How will you handle it if you drift apart?

Cleo: Dave, it won’t happen. God will not allow it. God is not a man that He should lie. He knows the plans He has for me; they are of good, not of evil; to prosper and bring me to an expected end. Drifting apart is not part of God’s plans for my marriage.

DBM: Noted! How do you keep the ‘love light’ burning when the romance seems to be dimming?

Cleo: I find ways to give him more of my love. I know what he likes; he loves a serene, well-kept environment that smells good, and I take time out of my busy schedule to provide that for him. Dave, I believe love isn’t about what you get, but what you’re willing to give.

DBM: Speak to us about your belief in ‘love not being about what you get, but what you’re willing to give’

Cleo: Love is evidenced by giving; the proof of love is what you’re willing to give the person. Most of us look at what we get from the person. I’m not saying love should be one sided or unrequited; what I’m saying is the couple should be willing to each give off the 100% of themselves to the other. The manufacturer of life has a manual for life, and in His manual, He demonstrated the highest form of love by sacrificing His only begotten son, so He could reconcile us to Himself.

Now that’s the truest expression of love. Love enjoys giving, it enjoys taking; love is a communication, a communication that the two of us are of one purpose. As long as you’ve chosen that person to receive your love, you give off your best and all. It’s best if you meet someone who shares that same energy with you. I once heard in a movie, and that was before I got married, that ‘for a marriage to work, both partners have to apply the 80:20 rule; you love your spouse 80% whilst you reserve the 20% for yourself and your spouse does same.

Our generation is missing out on love because there’s a culture of receiving without us thinking of what we can give. Instead, we look at the love we receive before we reciprocate, and that’s not helping.

Image Credit: Godisable Jacob

Let’s Talk To Akos

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 36: It’s Akos for the meantime.

DBM: Hi Akosua. Please tell me a little about yourself

Akos: I am my own boss and I set my own schedule. I’ve not given up any amount of my freedom because of marriage. I am in control of my sexual liberation; I warm the minds, bodies and wallets of my clients; I own a beauty shop; 37 years of age, and holds a Master’s in Cosmetic Science and Technology from the Beijing Technology and Business University.

DBM: I’ve spoken to four of your best friends. Did you read my conversations with them?

Akos: I read everything.

DBM: And?

Akos: You invited us to present our true selves to you and your readers, and they shared exactly that; their opinions, feelings, desires and needs. I’m here to also speak for myself.

DBM: How important is education to you and your friends?

Akos: It’s our fundamental rights, whether we have sex with men or not. We’ve gained the relevant skills in our various specialties to enable us offer services to others, and most importantly, earn a livelihood. And our joint agreement as friends was to at least, get our Master’s degrees. So far, so good.

DBM: Are you in a relationship?

Akos: Yes!

DBM: And he knows you keep other men company for money?

Akos: He does

DBM: He’s okay with it?

Akos: He actually supports my work. He understands the importance of making a man feel chirpy and cheerful.

DBM: How did you meet?

Akos: He was a client, and he fell in love with me. He says, with me he feels desired and wanted. And I give him more than just sex.

DBM: What could be more than sex?

Akos: Pleasure

DBM: Was he single when you first met?

Akos: He is not married.

DBM: Okay?

Akos: I work very hard, so he helps me to relax and feel good about myself.

DBM: What does he do for a living?

Akos: He’s a medical doctor

DBM: Help me understand how he gets to be okay with the type of work you do

Akos: After he expressed interest in me, I asked him how many people he had had sex with. His answer was more than 80.

DBM: When was this?

Akos: 2017

DBM: And, how old was he?

Akos: 33

DBM: How many men had you slept with by then?

Akos: Probably half of his figure.

DBM: Are you in love with him?

Akos: I think so

DBM: Do you always give in to his sexual demands?

Akos: No! It’s not everyday that I find him sexually appetizing. But I am always the one who comes back and suggests we fuck, after the no.

DBM: Is he also sleeping with other people?

Akos: He is, but it’s commitment-free with them. He is constantly checking out other ladies and flirting excessively with them. He loves getting close to pretty girls.

DBM: It doesn’t bother you?

Akos: I’m okay with the fact that he makes time for me. He answers the phone any time I call; even when he’s on top of another woman – he will answer my call. He returns home to me at the end of the day; he is interested in my life and what I do with it; he adds so much more than depth and bliss to my 24/7 living. He understands and receives my love and care for him; he’s present to me during hard times; he pays attention to my concerns, always encouraging me to chase after my dreams; we love to discus our sexual exploits after we’ve been with different people; he understands I love being in the company of different men, and he contributes a lot to our relationship and home. What else do I want? He makes me laugh.

DBM: So, he’s emotionally available to you?

Akos: He opens up to me. He’s made me see him and know him for who he is. He’s introduced me to his mother and brothers; he includes my opinions in his thought processes and I think he trusts me.

DBM: Do you trust him?

Akos: I can count on the fact that he’s going to screw up, but he’s also the kind of man who is going to dust himself off after messing up just to make it right by me. We’re both freaking out about our feelings for each other, but the thing is there.

DBM: What thing?

Akos: Love.

DBM: How did he introduce you to his family

Akos: He just said, this is the lady I can’t stop thinking about

DBM: That’s sweet

Akos: Dave, I love myself enough to want to love this guy. I believe in true love, and I think when my man stares right in my face, I see love in his eyes if I don’t look the other way. I used to be scared of falling in love.

DBM: What about love scared you?

Akos: I didn’t know how to place myself in a vulnerable situation where I could be easily hurt. I was also skeptical about getting what I had always hoped for, and probably messing it all up. What I share with this guy is everything that I’ve ever imagined for my soul mate. He gets me, and I get him.

DBM: Is marriage something of interest to the both of you?

Akos: No! He’s already adding value to my life. Marriage will only complicate things for me

DBM: How so?

Akos: I am not sexually exclusive to him; I don’t have eyes for only him. My crazy imaginations and sexual intimacies are not with only him.

DBM: How about children?

Akos: I don’t want any. He has a child though.

DBM: At what age did you start being with other men?

Akos: Early twenties.

DBM: Your family is aware of what you do?

Akos: They know I own a beauty shop.

DBM: What has been your worst experience with a client?

Akos: I was booked by a murderer who wasn’t interested in any bullshit cuddling; just wild, nasty, sweaty sex for an hour. He gave me a bag full of money after he finished; it was weird for someone to pay so much money for an hour. The following week, I read in the newspaper about his arrest for killing his girlfriend the afternoon of the evening we met.

DBM: What was his story?

Akos: His girlfriend had cheated on him with his best friend.

DBM: How did that make you feel?

Akos: I took out my sexual frustration on my boyfriend and fucked him till we broke the bed.

DBM: How is that therapeutic?

Akos: Rough sex can sometimes be my coping mechanism. It helps me heal and find peace from moment to moment.

DBM: When a client is ugly, or a total turn off, how do you manage?

Akos: Money talks, and fortunately for me, I speak its language

DBM: Does your job have any effect on the intimate relationship you have with your boyfriend?

Akos: I fake orgasms with most of the clients. I reach real orgasm with my man

DBM: Does it ever get boring?

Akos: With clients?

DBM: Yes

Akos: It happens; it comes with the territory

DBM: What’s your long-term goal?

Akos: I have plans to retire, and have established a lifetime income stream that equals my expenses. I also have a few investments and rental properties.

DBM: Does the thought of contracting an STI never occur to you?

Akos: I practice safe sex and personal hygiene

DBM: What if the condom slips off or tears during intercourse?

Akos: I take numerous showers every day; I wash my lower body with water after sex of any kind. I always urinate and wash the outside of my vagina with water. And luckily for me, my general practitioner is the guy I wake up next to, every morning.

DBM: If you could go back in time to choose a future career all over again…

Akos: My experience with men has taught me that, guys are generally not good with their own feelings. And women are not entirely naïve about what our men want from us. I like getting paid to provide comfort, warmth and care. I feel good when a client tells me, I’ve brought him to order. It’s not an easy job to opt for; it requires more thought in order not to take a step in the wrong direction.

DBM: Do you always say yes to a job order?

Akos: I don’t put needless pressure on myself because of money. I have said no a lot of the time for safety’s sake. I protect my time and energy when I decline these clients.

DBM: Do you think a man will ever be content with one woman?

Akos: A man whose desire to protect surges when he thinks about the one person he cares about, will shield his love interest from any form of pain. They will never consider deliberately wounding their spouse, because they know their wives deserve better. These are the kinds of men women should go for – because they’re content with what they see in them.

DBM: Are you happy with your life and the choices you’ve made thus far?

Akos: For me, it’s the littlest things that makes me feel happy; when I am able to spot the positive in a situation; when I win a new client over and he’s unable to stop smiling; when I am able to overcome a challenge; the fact that I can forgive myself for my mistakes; when I am able to try something new that freaks me out at the same time; and when I give myself so much love.

Image Credit: Bella Zhong

Let’s Talk To Ofori: Part 2

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Mr. Ofori, thank you for agreeing to a second interview.

Ofori: My pleasure. I read some of the comment on Facebook. People want to hear more.

DBM: Yes please

Ofori: I’m ready

DBM: This question is from Anane Wisdom to your wife: Why did she marry a jobless former prison inmate? What did she see in you that no one else did? How did her family take her decision to marry you? And, how was the marriage ceremony?

Ofori: I need to ask my wife. I will type her response

DBM: Okay!

(15 minutes later)

Ofori: Ama had a fiancé the time they came for the prison outreach. After our encounter, she couldn’t stop herself from forgetting about me. She did not get back to me for a long time because she was in a relationship with George. Things ended between them after he got another woman pregnant. She says, though George was her taste, he was totally wrong for her. She considered dating me because she believed I fit into the normalcy of her life. She decided we would be friends, and a relationship was built from there. She married me because we had become good friends. She says I became her responsibility, and she had trust in me. We also found common ground during misunderstandings, and had come out with a deeper understanding of issues; we were empathetic towards each another, and had respect for our point of views. We were comfortable with each other because I was living in her house. I also realized I could be content with just Ama. And, because she was in love with me, and I in her, she wanted nothing more than to marry me. Her family were not in favor of her decision, but she was convinced I was hers to keep. We had a very simple wedding, and it was sponsored by my wife and her close friends.

DBM: From Benjamin Riverston: Where was your mother when you got released from prison? Was your mother checking up on you while in prison? What was the relationship between your father and mother while in prison? And, did your father ever forgive you?

Ofori: In our house, my father dominated their marriage. My mother didn’t have a say; she had to do everything my father wanted done. I did not see them making decisions together, she could not strike a balance even with how to raise us kids. My father didn’t want anything to do with me, and so my mother kept her physical distance in order not to upset my father. But she would send food and greetings through my wife to me in prison. Ama became friends with my mother in the process. I will describe the relationship between my parents as toxic. He abused my mother physically, emotionally, sexually and psychologically. My father did not forgive me till he died.

DBM: Kwadwo Twum wants to know the role your wife played in making you who you became after your release? And, how did society define you? How were you able to fit into society, and even find work?

Ofori: I craved for support during my encounter with Ama on their outreach program. When we became friends, and was visiting me in prison, I kept reminding her I would need help to make it out there after my release. Ama was that singular someone in my life who cared about me unconditionally, and was by my side, no matter what could go wrong. I had the ability to understand numbers and how they could influence a company; I had an eye for detail, and loved math. She knew I wanted the opportunity to go back to school, and she believed in my mind. She took bank loans to fund my education. I have two Masters degrees and was working in Finance prior to my retirement. I paid back all the monies she spent on me after I was gainfully employed. My wife ensured all my needs were met. She allowed me to make decisions concerning my life and interests, and she supported me through and through without a shadow of doubt. She believed I was capable of meeting my goals, and was my number one fan – always encouraging me to go after my dreams. I became the best version of myself.

My entire society was built around my wife. It was a conscious choice I made, and she built my confidence in believing in myself. Her presence in my life made me believe everything was going to work out, one way or the other. We also planned as early as possible for what I could do in order to have a successful life after prison.

DBM: From Fafah Gloria: How was your relationship with your parents after prison? And, do you have siblings? What was their reaction towards you?

Ofori: I only had a relationship with my mother, that was even after my father died years later. I have four other siblings from my mother’s side and three younger ones my dad had with other women. My siblings eventually came along.

DBM: Miriam Ronke would want to know whether or not you would advise any child to stand up for his or her abused parent?

Ofori: Unfortunately for me, beating up dad didn’t stop him from abusing my mother. And I ended up in prison. If you’re a witness to a parent being abused, find the nearest police station or domestic abuse service to report the abuser. Usually, abusers don’t listen to talks, so don’t try reasoning with them. Don’t ignore the issue thinking it’s up to your parents to figure out. Help them figure it out by getting the abuser arrested. It gives the victim room to decide what’s good for them.

DBM: Gyene W’ani wants to know whether or not Ama uses your past against you when there is a disagreement?

Ofori: Never. Trust is the foundation of our relationship, and she’s never had to protect herself from me because of my past record. She’s not the type who would use guilt as a weapon to control me; she’s not insensitive nor judgmental. Unlike my dad, Ama knows I’ve made mistakes and made amends the best way possible. I’ve been moving in the right direction since and I’d say, we’re happy together. She’s looked beyond the prison inmate.

DBM: The last question comes from me; you mentioned looking beyond the temptation to cheat on your wife in our first interview. How were you able to easily do that?

Ofori: It wasn’t an easy decision, Dave. I know the kind of life my father lived, and how his actions gravely affected my mother’s psychological wellbeing. My goal was to not satisfy several women with my affection and desires and expectations. My wife deserved my best, and so I chose Ama, to rather discover wholly and intentionally with my desire to satisfy all of her needs till death do us part. It’s a decision to choose to desire your wife over others, and I always chose Ama. She’s enough!

DBM: Thank you, Sir.

Ofori: You’re welcome. Hopefully, we covered all the questions?

DBM: Yes please, we have.

Image Credit: Kindel Media

Let’s Talk To Ofori: Part 1

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 10 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 23: I’m Ofori

DBM: Hi Ofori. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Ofori: 70 years young. I have had my share of the ups and downs and I believe that is what has made me the man I am today. They say I have a good sense of humor and very opinionated; I get out of bed early because my knees have started to hurt and everything aches lately.

DBM:  Why is a 70-year-old man on Facebook?

Ofori: I have been monitoring my children. I read from a few platforms to also see what’s happening. My daughter indirectly introduced your account to me. She comments a lot under your posts, and it was showing in my newsfeed. I think I’ve followed you for three years.

DBM: Nice meeting you, Sir. What do you want to talk about?

Ofori: I want to talk about my journey as a man.

DBM: Oh, nice! I am interested.

Ofori: I was in prison when I was 22 years old. I got released at age 32. I married at age 33.

DBM: Why were you in prison?

Ofori: I beat my father for beating my mum. He collapsed in the process because I hit his head with a sharp object. I was arrested and the rest is history.

DBM: How was life in prison?

Ofori: Imagine a boarding school built not to educate but frustrate and punish you. Every given moment of your day is scheduled and tightly controlled. You do not have the luxury to make a plan; lights go on and off per someone’s instruction; you do not have a choice to eat what you want; you force yourself to eat what you are given else you will go hungry. At night, there is the cessation of all movement and activities. You breathe the same stinking air and smell; it becomes your new normal. Life in prison is not a life any young man should experience. Being completely removed from society is not pleasant. We think Ghana is tough? Prison is hell. If you’ve not been caught in certain mistakes yet, find yourself a bit of help so you can get on the right path. It’s never too late.

DBM: How was the feeling after being released?

Ofori: The process was daunting and traumatic; so much anxiety and adjustments. A lot of catching up to be done, while dealing with mental health issues. I was practically stuck and didn’t know how to function in the society.

DBM: You married a year after your release. Tell me about that.

Ofori: I met my wife after I had served my first five years in prison. Her church had organized an event at our station, and they came to screen us. She was part of the health team that attended to me. While they took our samples and examined us, they asked what brought us to prison. I shared my story and she developed an interest in my case.

DBM: What was your first impression of her?

Ofori: I thought she was alright.

DBM: Your taste?

Ofori: It didn’t really matter to me because I knew she wasn’t going to fall for an inmate.

DBM: But was she your taste?

Ofori: She wasn’t. She came back 13 months later to visit me.

DBM: You remembered her?

Ofori: I did. She was the only one in the health team who looked me in the eyes and smiled at me during their outreach. I took a picture of her smiling – with my mind, and I looked at her every now and then.

DBM: Did she have the same smile when you saw her again?

Ofori: Even better. I told her I had been thinking about her.

DBM: Had you?

Ofori: You’re not listening. I just told you I look at her picture with my mind. Of course, I had been thinking about her. She told me she used to think about me too.

DBM: How did that make you feel?

Ofori: It was at that point that I realized she was my taste.

DBM: How so?

Ofori: My wife demonstrated mercy and grace amidst my hardship. Days after our second meet, I developed feelings for her because she’s a woman of impeccable character and stanch integrity. She was compassionate to my needs. 37 years in marriage, and she’s still the same towards me. I seriously cannot put a measure to my wife’s worth.

DBM: Why did you marry her?

Ofori: When I suggested marriage to her, I wasn’t working. I did not have money to even feed myself. I didn’t have a place to lay my head because my father didn’t want me around. My wife took me in. It was a risky decision she took, but she did anyways. She can be very stubborn; I have to admit. I felt so alone when I came out of prison. Marrying my wife eliminated loneliness for me.

DBM: How old is your wife?

Ofori: She’s two years older than me.

DBM: 72

Ofori: Yes!

DBM: How has marriage been like for you thus far?

Ofori: Nothing I could have ever dreamt of. It’s been beautiful, as well as hard. But we’ve moved through the tests of life together.

DBM: How many children?

Ofori: Four wonderful humans.

DBM: How important is sex in your marriage?

Ofori: As a young couple, we had a lot of sex while we could. Before and after the births of our children. Our emotional connection is still intact due to memories from the good old days.

DBM: Can I ask a personal question?

Ofori: I am already answering personal questions. Shoot!

DBM: Have you cheated on your wife before?

Ofori: The thought had occurred to me a couple of times from all directions, but I did not pursue the temptation. The bond I have with my wife is deep and that has been my support to stay true to my vows. I was not in a hurry to get where I was going with my wife in our marital journey. Most of the parties in marriages today are in such a hurry to reach a certain cloud, they have no sense of slowing down to appreciate, and be content with the little steps they take.

DBM: How have you been able to stay married this long?

Ofori: Oh, I have been reminding myself why my wife looks pretty to me. Whenever I hear her voice, I remind myself why I am still in love with her, especially during disagreements and fights. I look at the changes in her body that I don’t like so much, and rather zoom in, and sharpen the focus of my attention to the charming details about her that I used to see as amazing. I always remember why she’s my favorite woman, and I choose to be with her every day.

Image Credit: Kindel Media 

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