Let’s Talk To Naomi – Part 1
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 71: Sister Naomi
DBM: Hi Sister Naomi. How would you describe yourself?
Naomi: I enjoy myself a lot, I value who I am to the highest degree; I cannot be rushed. I have heard people say, I am graceful in my appearance and also in the way I behave towards them. I am a born-again Christian, 31 years of age, single and ready to mingle
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Naomi: 9
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Naomi: First of all Dave, let me thank you for this opportunity. I have been following the ‘Let’s Talk To…’ conversations and I am learning a lot from everyone’s experience. It’s been an eye-opener for me. And I love the contents on your blog; it’s different and engaging.
DBM: Appreciated.
Naomi: As I said earlier, I am single and ready to enter into the dating scene for the first time in my life. I love the way you engage the ladies on your platform, and was thinking, maybe you could give me some pointers from your experience with people to guide me.
DBM: I am not a counselor. I hope you know that?
Naomi: I know that
DBM: Good! Is there someone you’re interested in at the moment?
Naomi: I have had a few guys flat-out expressing their interests in me in the past. I wasn’t ready for a relationship then so I let them go. The person I like now, and may want to be in a relationship with, unfortunately isn’t a guy my family or friends would approve of.
DBM: Why is that?
Naomi: He doesn’t have a degree. He is one of the security men at my place of work.
DBM: Why do you like him?
Naomi: I think he’s a nice guy
DBM: Nice as in?
Naomi: The way he talks to me, the way he smiles with me. He takes very good care of my car, and finds ways to compliment me every day. He doesn’t mind going on an errand for me. He walks me to my car when he’s on duty – after close of work. I’ve caught him a few times stealing glances at me. He keeps me relaxed and accepted.
DBM: How old is he?
Naomi: He is 37 I think
DBM: That’s my age mate. Do you think he likes you as much?
Naomi: If I’m to guess, I’d say yes, he likes me too
DBM: Have you asked him directly if he likes you?
Naomi: No!
DBM: Why not?
Naomi: I can’t
DBM: Why?
Naomi: I don’t want to come off as desperate
DBM: But you would be asking him out of desire, not desperation
Naomi: It’s not that simple.
DBM: What do you do for a living?
Naomi: I am a specialist in Programs with an international Agency for Development.
DBM: How long have you been friends with this gentleman?
Naomi: I have known him since 2017
DBM: And, he is single?
Naomi: He is
DBM: He told you that himself?
Naomi: Yes.
DBM: Okay!
Naomi: Dave
DBM: Yes?
Naomi: Are you in a relationship?
DBM: Yes please
Naomi: Can you use your personal experience to advise me on what to do next?
DBM: What is next on your itinerary?
Naomi: I love him, and I am in love with him. But I fear that love will not be enough for this situation to work out
DBM: What kind of love do you think you deserve?
Naomi: He makes me feel good. Is that a good answer?
DBM: I think it’s a good answer. It tells me you’re not into him because of who or what he is as a person. The person I am in a relationship with contributes to my happiness. That is a ‘feel-good’ moment, in my opinion.
Naomi: But I don’t know if he loves me too. That’s my biggest problem
DBM: I see. I usually do not base my focus on whether or not someone loves me too. I rather look at the behavior of the person I’m interested in; whether or not their actions towards me are driven or directed by love.
Naomi: That makes perfect sense
DBM: So, going back to your earlier response of him being a ‘nice’ guy, do you think he loves you?
Naomi: He loves me.
DBM: Exactly!
Naomi: How about finances?
DBM: What about it?
Naomi: Should it be a criterion to consider, looking at his current employment and the amount he earns?
DBM: Do you mind me asking your net pay?
Naomi: GHs 12,700
DBM: Would you consider the financial season of your life to be okay, with or without a man’s support?
Naomi: I am financially independent and okay
DBM: Do you know much he earns?
Naomi: I do. It’s not much
DBM: His current job aside, do you see in him potential?
Naomi: He is hardworking and smart.
DBM: Smart how?
Naomi: He has interest in going back to school. He likes to farm too. He’s been giving me some of the vegetables he grows at home. He sells his fresh farm produce to my colleagues. We love buying tomatoes, peppers, garden eggs, okro, cassava, plantains and fruits from his farm.
DBM: So, he’s got the earning potential
Naomi: Oh, yes.
DBM: Meaning, who he is today, can change for the better tomorrow?
Naomi: Very likely. Just that he’s got a lot of responsibilities. He’s taking care of his mother, his brothers and sister, and a cousin.
DBM: He’s a responsible man; that’s a good thing, no?
Naomi: It is. I believe in him
DBM: You buy from his farm, I like that.
Naomi: Why?
DBM: If I were him, I know I would be feeling content, supported and loved by you – just because you buy from my farm. This life is too short for me to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in my dream. It’s a big deal for me
Naomi: I believe in him
DBM: I believe you do.
Naomi: He is family oriented, and wants to have a family of his own. I want that for myself. He is a Christian, he has integrity… Dave, he stands for almost everything I believe in.
DBM: Those are some very important core values you both seem to live by.
Naomi: I feel like I will be safe with him by my side.
DBM: Are you going to be comfortable with others knowing you two are an item?
Naomi: Very. He’s a decent man. I am not shy about his person. I am actually proud of him.
DBM: Then choose him, if that decision is going to contribute to your own happiness. Everyday in my life is a choice; I choose the love of my life on a daily basis, and I do it intentionally. Don’t let your security guy choose you before you accept that he wants you. Choose him first for yourself, because he is good for you – and to you. Tell him you think of him. Tell him you love him. Tell him the thoughts of him alone excites you. Tell him exactly what he means to you.
Naomi: I will tell him tonight.
DBM: Keep me posted.
Naomi: I will. Dave, I am very happy
DBM: Good for you!
Image Credit: Samuel Estevan
