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Mr. Dave, pls treat this as an anonymous post. We have a very thoughtful and open-minded pastor at church, who also happens to be our spiritual counsel. I’ve known him to be fond of me for yrs and his wife, we all know likes my husband very much. We, as in, the 4 of us. 2 years into our marriage, my husband came to me with his concerns about feeling confined to practice monogamy in our relationship. He made us discuss the subject of allowing for more sexual freedom without us damaging our marriage. He wanted us to open our marriage but to a select few.
I didn’t know where that idea was coming from, so I was a bit confused. We’ve been going for counseling separately, and he had become very attached to our pastor’s wife. He feels very much in love with her. My own counseling sessions with our pastor has had its toll on me too. I feel seen and attended to. I have shared a lot of secrets and intimate feelings with him and he’s been open to sharing his own desires with me. My pastor mentioned the other day that, he and his wife had decided to open their marriage so they can develop deep, meaningful connections with other people – while remaining each other’s primary partner in their marriage.
He did not want to be the only one in their relationship having his needs met while his wife stayed home to be faithful to him. He wanted her to also have the opportunity dip her toes into getting to know what else was exciting out there. My pastor told me his wife already knew who she wanted, my husband. Because he made her feel more alive than he makes her. Pastor told me just recently that he is having romantic love feelings for me and wants to bring it up so we can discuss it. Though I am the one seeking his counsel, he tells me I have been a warm, accepting and caring audience to his own problems.
The transference of feelings has happened on both ends, and I can’t believe I am saying this but my husband was so happy for me when I told him about my first date with our pastor. I have had the capacity to equally feel excited for him when he tells me all about his date nights with our pastor’s wife. The four of us have met twice already to openly talk about our experiences and what is working for us. Pastor was telling me he has realized his wife has become a lot friendlier, accommodating and freer since she started experiencing sex and intimacy with my husband.
Though I am a bit nervous to begin physically exploring intimacy with my pastor, I feel like I am ready to cross that bridge, though unorthodox. I wouldn’t claim my marriage is perfect now, but it’s pretty awesome. My husband, all of a sudden doesn’t take me for granted. He’s become extremely caring and gentle, which feels like an achievement for me.
Image Credit: Liliana Drew
