Let’s Talk To Zoey
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 140: My name is Zoey
DBM: Hi Zoey. How would you describe yourself?
Zoey: African woman
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Zoey: 7
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Zoey: I am still finding it difficult to understand why in this day and age, it is a woman who has it so hard. I am dealing with my periods – the hormonal rise and fall, which influences numerous physical sensations and emotional shifts, which I experience for days before and after menstruation. The mood swings, those of us who bloat, get depressed, the fatigue, breast tenderness and the headaches – which sometimes would disrupt our daily routine. Dave, menstrual cramps sucks. I am always miserable during my period. Let me not even talk about pregnancy; the woman is feeling sick, tired and moody, and what is her husband thinking about? When he can have sex with you. I acknowledge that men go through their own struggles but sometimes, you guys are the reason why our marriages become overwhelming. My husband thinks I am not excited about him, but the truth is, I sometimes feel like I am dealing with everything on my own in this marriage, and this makes me feel isolated and resentful.
DBM: How long have you been married?
Zoey: Eight years, Dave. We have two kids
DBM: I see
Zoey: Society and men, indirectly put unrealistic expectations on how a woman should look like. Girls have to look pretty; such stereotype. Can you imagine my boss, a man, once walked to my office to suggest to me to wear ‘a little bit of make-up’? My husband had said same years back. Putting on make-up is too much work for me; it steals my time and it’s tiring to say the least. Why should I have stuff on my face before I am seen to be beautiful? Or in my boss’s words, ‘presentable to potential clients’. I mean, why?
DBM: It’s not down to your boss or husband to dictate your enhancing routine. It’s down to you
Zoey: I know, and I told my husband and boss the same thing, it’s my face. The same way I have no input on their decisions to build their bodies in the gym or ‘dress to kill’, I am in no way decorating my face to satisfy their curiosity.
DBM: Hmmm!
Zoey: Also, my husband thinks I don’t like having sex with him. Look, I respect the fact that his sexual desire is stronger than mine. With this knowledge in the backdrop, he’s supposed to SATISFY me during sex, so I can fall on the pleasure he brings me during sex – to increase my yearning for more. But no, man only wants to pound and last for 15 minutes or less, cum and then, sleep.
DBM: What feedback do you give him after sex?
Zoey: I tell him what he wants to hear
DBM: Like?
Zoey: Anything to make him feel he’s good in bed
DBM: And, is the ‘anything’ in this context the truth?
Zoey: No!
DBM: So, you’re the one enabling his mediocre performance
Zoey: I am not. A man is supposed to know what he’s supposed to do to make his woman feel fulfilled
DBM: But as a man, I would have preferred my partner rather being vocal and honest with me about how they truly feel during sex. How difficult is it for you to lovingly suggest what makes you happy or needs changing during intercourse?
Zoey: Men don’t listen
DBM: We do listen
Zoey: Not my husband.
DBM: Have you showed him how to please you? Because a real man, and husband would have a listening ear, and his aim would be only to please you. When it comes to sex, men work hard with the intention of pleasing. Because in our minds, if you’re satisfied, we will get the opportunity to repeat history all over again with you.
Zoey: Hmmm!
DBM: Your silence has consequences. The gaps he’s unable to fill also have its own consequences.
Zoey: I agree
DBM: Participant 139, Emmett, left a question for you: ‘Has something ever started out badly for you but in the end, was great?’
Zoey: No
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Zoey: What would you think if your man spent more time on his looks than on you?
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: Heyy Kazz
