David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 65: Call me Marc
DBM: Hello Marc. How would you describe yourself?
Marc: A family man; husband to my wife, father to my children.
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Marc: 4
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Marc: My wife has not returned to the house since Thursday of January 12th this year. Suddenly, I am my kids only parent.
DBM: How many children do you have?
Marc: I have two wonderful kids
DBM: Do you know where your wife is?
Marc: No, but she speaks to me and the kids on phone sometimes
DBM: Do you know when she would be returning home?
Marc: She says she needs some time alone
DBM: How are the kids managing in her absence?
Marc: My son says she was at their school the Thursday afternoon, to inform them about her decision to go away. She bought phones for them and have been calling and sending them money.
DBM: How old are your children?
Marc: 11 and 9
DBM: What are your in-laws telling you?
Marc: Nothing. They do not know where she is
DBM: Does your wife have a job?
Marc: She resigned before the 12th of January
DBM: Did you know?
Marc: I found out from her employers on the 13th of January, when I went to her workplace.
DBM: Do you know why she’s taken off?
Marc: Apparently, she told my children before leaving that she had been trying to convince herself that she was happy being with me when she was not.
DBM: She speaks with you sometimes, no?
Marc: Yes
DBM: What has she told you?
Marc: She’s leaving the marriage
DBM: Is this a conversation you’ve both had, prior to January 12?
Marc: Yes, and I made it clear I wasn’t in agreement. I love my wife, and will be willing to do anything to save our marriage
DBM: In your opinion, is your marriage working?
Marc: My marriage is just like any other relationship; there is nothing perfect about it. I am equally paying the tough price in order to create and maintain a happy home for us.
DBM: Do you think you could be struggling with accepting that, maybe, something isn’t working in your marriage – and that could be the reason why your wife had to walk away?
Marc: Massa, no relationship is easy. Even the best of marriages have issues in there that they deal with daily. We have our issues to work out, and I have been here, willing to talk it out. I have made a lot of sacrifices and changes – just to accommodate my wife
DBM: Why is your wife unhappy?
Marc: That’s the question she’s refusing to answer. She once told me she feels alone and trapped, and that, it wasn’t about me.
DBM: Do you think she found herself in a relationship that was a wrong fit?
Marc: Dave, marriage is like having a second good job. Most great jobs may pay well but that doesn’t mean they’re comfortable and easy. Whenever I get home, I know I am entering into my second, full-time job. I take off work and put on family. I roll up my sleeves and start working on what needs to be done
DBM: Like?
Marc: Giving my wife a hug or kiss, asking about her day, checking on the children and asking about their day; eating if there is food etc. My wife is my best friend, and truly one of the best human beings alive
DBM: Are you her best friend?
Marc: I’d want to believe so. She treats me right, even though I realized she was drifting apart as at last year.
DBM: What do you think your wife feels is missing in your marriage?
Marc: I don’t think I know
DBM: Do you know what she is searching for that she couldn’t possibly find in you?
Marc: Maybe, a new man. That could be my only answer. I am a good man Dave
DBM: I don’t doubt that. Question is, why couldn’t your good self be enough for her?
Marc: Can I ask you a question?
DBM: Ask away
Marc: Do you believe in marriage?
DBM: I do
Marc: How would you know your person is enough for you?
DBM: When I am not putting more of my effort into making the relationship work than I am enjoying being with my partner (who would/should qualify as the love of my life)
Marc: David, how do you know someone is the love of your life?
DBM: I just would know.
Marc: How?
DBM: I am supposed to be asking you the questions
Marc: Bruv, we’re having a chat to help me understand things from a different perspective
DBM: When I do not have to wonder where my relationship with you is heading; when I do not have to question whether or not you care about me, because I would already know how much you love me. This is due to the fact that you step up every day in your actions to make it clear to me that, you want me in your life, just as I am
Marc: Hmmm!
DBM: What is your intuition telling you?
Marc: My wife is not in love with me, and I am the one forcing her to stay with me
DBM: Do you see your wife happy with you?
Marc: I can make her happy
DBM: I believe you can, but is she in awe of you as her man?
Marc: I don’t think so
DBM: Do you believe she knows you’re a good man?
Marc: She does
DBM: Good is just not good enough for some people. I see marriage to be for one’s pleasure
Marc: My wife is my greatest pleasure
DBM: Are you her greatest pleasure? These are some of the questions you need to ask. She may be making you happy but you clearly aren’t her definition of happiness
Marc: We’ve done almost 13 years of marriage
DBM: Letting go can sometimes feel impossible, especially when you do not have much about someone or something to complain about. But it’s the right thing to do to let go, if your wife feels lonely and caged with you in her life.
Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko
