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Lonely At The Top

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Luna: Good evening, Dave

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Greetings! How are you?

Luna: Fine. You?

DBM: I am doing alright, thanks. What’s on your mind?

Luna: My guy just asked me to marry him.

DBM: Oh great! Congratulations!

Luna: Thanks.

DBM: You’re excited, no?

Luna: I’m supposed to be but I don’t know why I am feeling a bit unsure.

DBM: Unsure about what?

Luna: He used to tell me he would never marry again.

DBM: People’s minds change, you know?

Luna: Yes, but he is a divorcee, and based on the stories he has shared with me about his ex-wife and what he said she put him through, I never imagined him settling down again.

DBM: His divorce is official, no?

Luna: Yes

DBM: You’ve seen a signed divorce decree by a judge?

Luna: Yes Dave.

DBM: Good to know! I had to be sure. A lot of skewed men are loosely throwing out the ‘I’m divorcing my wife’ lines to single women just to get laid.

Luna: I know

DBM: Are you the reason he divorced his wife?

Luna: No. I met him after his divorce

DBM: Okay! You’re on a good start then.

Luna: Dave, is marriage for everyone?

DBM: Question should be, is marriage for you?

Luna: I want to be married, yes.

DBM: Do you see yourself being married to him?

Luna: I love him but I feel like he’s made me believe he’s not interested in marrying anyone again.

DBM: You need to understand that, no amount of love can make a man who isn’t that much into the idea of marriage to want to do something (marriage) he doesn’t want to. If he’s asked you to marry him, then it means he’s that much into you. Have you asked him why he wants to marry you?

Luna: No, do I have to?

DBM: But of course! You’re not the least curious as to why?

Luna: I am

DBM: How old is he?

Luna: 48

DBM: How old are you?

Luna: 37

DBM: You need to know his perceived analysis of your worth to him. You are certainly offering him something of value, and he’s calculated exactly what marrying you might or not cost him. You need to understand from his point of view – what he feels he’s gaining: i.e. Are you an asset or a liability. Is this going to be your first marriage?

Luna: Yes

DBM: You have children?

Luna: No, but he has three with his ex.

DBM: And, you’re okay with that?

Luna: I don’t mind

DBM: Okay! Something is holding you back, what is it?

Luna: He’s never said ‘I love you’ to me before

DBM: How long have you been together?

Luna: 3 years. Ever since we fell in love two years ago, I have been randomly telling him how much I love him. Sometimes, I feel like he doesn’t feel any true love for me. The one time I remember him saying it back to me was after an awesome afternoon sex. Even with that, I felt he talked himself into believing it because I said it to him first.

DBM: You want my honest opinion, no?

Luna: Yes

DBM: So, this is what I, David Bondze-Mbir believe and practice: I would rather have somebody who could never tell me they love me but every day, I felt it with their actions. That’s exactly who I got in my marriage. Fortunately for us, we do tell each other we love us every day. And, we’ve been doing that for years now. It’s an intentional thing to want to be a student of the other person’s feelings and interests.

Luna: Hmmm. And there’s the topic of monogamy. He doesn’t believe a man is to devote his body to one woman alone. He’s been trying to negotiate with me to consider the fact that, he would sexually attract other women. And might pursue them.

DBM: That is what he thinks is right for him. Question is, does it sit well with you?

Luna: No

DBM: Do you know his ex-wife?

Luna: I know about her. I have friends who know her personally.

DBM: And, what do they say about her?

Luna: She’s a great lady apparently. The only person I know who has spoken bad about her is my man.

DBM: This is what I would suggest: figure out a way to have a conversation with his ex.

Luna: To say what? Lol

DBM: You’re contemplating on marrying her ex. You need to know if you’re making the right decision. She was someone he once loved. However her ex-husband chose to describe her to you, that is his version of experience with her. It doesn’t make her a total idiot. It shouldn’t form your total perception about her. You need to know her version of how he sees and treats women who are important to him. Treat her choice of words and lived experience with him with respect, and you will earn more of it for yourself.

Luna: What if she also has nothing good to say about him?

DBM: It’s normal. None of us are enthused about being made to remember the times we made a mistake or were made to feel stupid by someone we loved. The best you can do is to acknowledge her feelings. Just listen with your heart. It will let you know. You will find the answer needed to say yes or no to his marriage proposal. It’s always good to be in the known, so you do not find yourself lowering your standards – just to accommodate the idea of being with the man you think you like. Most men think only with their mouths. They know all the right things to say to make a woman feel like she’d be lucky to be with him. Those are the typical bully material, not necessarily marriage material. Do not create in him one because you’re blinded by love.

Luna: Oh Dave, that’s a lot for me to process.

DBM: You will be fine. You know what is good for you at the end of the day.

Luna: Thank you, David. Thank you very much.

Image Credit: Nataliya Vaitkevich

Six-Year Hiatus

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Crai: Hello David. I was once in a relationship with this man I’m about to talk about. We were very much in love but he broke my heart. And because of the why behind his reasons for doing what he did to me, a big part of me unconsciously blocked anything that reminded me of him in my heart and mind. He ended our 3-year relationship because he felt he didn’t make enough money to enable him take care of us. Mind you, I had never asked him to spend on me. I was working and probably even making more money than he was but he left me for a rich widow who was 12 years older than him. He was not in love with the lady. He told me so himself. He ended things with me because the widow wanted to date him and needed him to be completely single. He asked me not to date anyone and give him 6 years to achieve his dreams through the widow’s support and then he will end things with her and come back for me. His six years with her ended in July 2025, and true to his word, he’s back asking for my hand in marriage. She funded his masters and PhD in Europe, used her connections to link him to land his current job and now he even has a 3-bedroom house of his own. His contract with the widow was for 6 years.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): How old are you?

Crai: 42

DBM: How old is he?

Crai: 44

DBM: Did you wait during his six-year hiatus or you also dated other people?

Crai: I was the lady in waiting

DBM: Why?

Crai: He’s the only man I’ve ever truly loved

DBM: Were you in communication with him after he broke things off?

Crai: He reached out to me twice every month to assure me he was going to keep his word.

DBM: Just that?

Crai: Yes. It did not go beyond that. He gave that assurance twice every month and would ask me to wait for six more years, five more years, four more years, three more years, two more years, one more year etc.

DBM: You believe he loved you?

Crai: I believe he is in love with me.

DBM: Were finances the only reason for his decision?

Crai: Yes. He used to always complain to me about feeling less of a man because he couldn’t bring in as much to support our relationship. I wasn’t even complaining, Dave.

DBM: Why him?

Crai: He’s the kindest man I’ve ever met. What he did to our relationship was dishonorable but he’s an honorable man. I remember the night he ended our relationship; he held my two hands in his and he started to pray and bless me. I cannot describe that evening with the right words. I broke down and began to cry uncontrollably. I cried so hard he started to also cry. He couldn’t stop himself from crying. It was a powerful moment. That was when I knew he was really in love with me and felt bad about his decision.

DBM: He felt bad about his decision but went ahead with it anyway

Crai: Yes. I’m not going to pretend I understand why he did what he did to me but after that night of our break-up, prayer and tears, I developed a new found respect and admiration for him. He’s a powerful man.

DBM: What I want to know is, he did not cheat on the widow with you during the six years break?

Crai: He did not. He also told me he did not cheat on her with anyone else. He entered into a contract and fulfilled his part of the deal.

DBM: What’s your current opinion of him?

Crai: I don’t know if I can trust him again.

DBM: What he did to you, in my opinion, is a subtle warning flag. It may seem small a red flag to him, but it’s still something that needs to be addressed as soon as possible.

Crai: Yes. And my guards are all up

DBM: Well, there are people worth letting your guard down for. Question is, is he one of those?

Crai: I still love him very much but I am so scared. He’s asking me to marry him, Dave. He doesn’t want to date all over again or hang around. He’s asking to go see my parents.

DBM: I married someone who could be with me despite the troubles and my lack thereof. My partner is someone who could see that I would eventually get there, and was willing to tag along for the ride. Next year, we will be eight years on this ride.

Crai: You think I should risk it?

DBM: You already risked your heart in waiting for six years. You’ve offered him the power to hurt you, betray and reject you. What else is there to him to fear?

Crai: Hmmm.

DBM: Be upfront with what you need from him and be honest with yourself about exactly what you need. There’s no point in holding back if you’re genuinely, that much into him.

Crai: I know I will be happy and in love with him. I will be my most passionate with him.

DBM: Let’s go for it then. There is true joy in true love.

Crai: Let’s go for it. David, thank you very much.

Image Credit: Anete Lusina

Yesterday When I Was Young

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Imani: Mr. David

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Yes please!

Imani: I’m a big fan of how you do Facebook.

DBM: I appreciate you!

Imani: I am 36 years old. I’ve been in a relationship with my guy for 5 years. I am sure about him and our relationship so far. He is the realest guy I know; I don’t feel invisible in his eyes. He understands me. It’s rare to have had a guy like him loving me because I have never found someone who sees me like he does. He believes I am the prettiest woman in his eyes and worthy of his love. Everything I’ve prayed for in a husband is him but he doesn’t believe in marriage. He’s told me he’s never going to get married to anyone. I want to get married.

DBM: Have you asked why he’s not interested in marriage?

Imani: He told me his parents were miserable in their marriage and his mother had to endure being unhappy with his dad because she was solely at the mercy of on his financial support. He has also seen the marriages of some of his friends and their parents end in divorce. He doesn’t see the need to spend so much money on a single day’s event. I have also heard him make jokes with friends about not involving the laws of the nation in his relationships because it’s an indirect way of handing a woman with a chainsaw to ruin his life with.

DBM: What do you want for your love life in order to feel settled and secure?

Imani: I want marriage. I want more

DBM: If you want more than just co-habiting with a man, you would have to be intentional on making space for more.

Imani: But I don’t want to lose him, Dave. My past relationships have all been bitter. This is the only bittersweet relationship I have stayed the longest and felt seen and accepted. In him, I feel seen, honestly. He sees me when I’m in doubt. He sees me when I am lost in my insecurities.

DBM: If a man accepts you, he accepts all of you. A part of who you are desires marriage and he’s unwilling to acknowledge that. That is not total acceptance of you. A man ought to feel excited, I mean, really happy or at least, feel at ease with the mere thought of marrying you to prove to himself that marriage is the right decision for him. Does he feel all these when he’s around you?

Imani: I think he feels it. He’s just not sure if it’s the right step to take. My pastor was suggesting to me to invite him to church one day and surprise him with a public proposal.

DBM: As in, you proposing to him?

Imani: Yes.

DBM: Are you built for that?

Imani: I can actually do it. He’s the type that would not publicly embarrass me.

DBM: Do not be the woman to pressure an unwilling man to say ‘yes’ to a marriage proposal just to please you. If I’m understanding the kind of man, you’ve thus far presented to me, it will be very easy for him to accept your proposal in the moment to avoid any form of public awkwardness. I disagree with your pastor. The guy can easily say ‘yes’ to play along, knowing very well he’s specifically told you marriage is not his thing; and then end the relationship outright later in private. Who loses at the end of the day?

Imani: How can a man care about a woman like he does with me and not see himself taking that step with me? Everyone close to us keep asking me when we would be tying the knot.

DBM: Let the man be. Allow him to live his life the way he wants and on his own terms.

Imani: What about my own terms?

DBM: You can find it elsewhere. There are a dozen single men looking to settle down with the women of their dreams. Also, marriage isn’t really for everyone.

Imani: Marriage is for me.

DBM: Yes, but there is also more to his life than just becoming your husband.

Imani: Dave, you are married, anaa?

DBM: Yes, and marriage is a partnership. Partners ought to be on the same page. Trust me, you would want to be with a man who would love you the way you want to be loved. A man who, you wouldn’t have to say or expect your desires met and he’s already done it just to make you happy, because it makes him happy to see you happy.

Imani: I don’t think I’m ready to join the single pool again. Those waters are cold with deprivation.

DBM: Tell me a little about yourself

Imani: I am a licensed professional. I design high-end residential and commercial buildings, and other structures.

DBM: An architect?

Imani: Yes

DBM: What else makes you stand out and not blend in?

Imani: I do everything with valor. I’m a risktaker, I work hard, and I try not to crumble when things go wrong. I am determined, resilient and have a calm confidence to move one day at a time. I keep my thoughts clear at all times and wouldn’t stay silent when my voice needs to be heard. I love deeply

DBM: Marriage isn’t the ultimate goal of life. You can be unmarried and still consider yourself worthy, simply because of your accomplishments.

Imani: Good men are hard to find these days

DBM: I know! And the right and better man for you wouldn’t opt to stay on the fence when it comes to what is important to you. The man you’re currently with is not going to marry you, if marriage truly is what you want. Make the best decision for yourself.

Imani: What do you think a woman can do to make a man do her wish?

DBM: What you can do is not to settle for a man’s bullshit. You have been having sex with a man you claim loves you for five years – and still waiting on him to ask you to marry him. Who is to blame here? Even married men of today operate with the mentality that they’ve got to have a lot of freedom in their marriages. Most men want more than enough rope to hang themselves. They want the freedom and independence to come and go as they please – and do what they want when they want. Men want to go out, get laid, and not have to answer to anybody. And, these are even the married ones, so imagine your current situation and the rope your willingness to accept his conditions gives him.

Imani: Now, that’s tough. I will think about it.

DBM: Marriage to the right partner is a beautiful experience. Commitment to the right partner outside of marriage can equally be great. Being unmarried or single is not a bad thing, at least, not in my eyes. It’s not a curse or a problem that needs to be fixed at all cost. It’s not an experience to be ashamed of. It’s just where you are in life, and life happens to all of us. Do not be defined by it. You do not owe anyone an explanation. Be comfortable loving who you are. Marriage will happen when it happens at the right time. But assuming it does not, make peace with it. Everything happens for a reason. Just because you don’t have a husband or children doesn’t mean you’re incomplete.

Imani: Thank you David Bondze-Mbir. No one has ever spoken to me this way before.

Image Credit: Picha Stock

❤ Is Enough

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Tucker: My wife proposed marriage to me at a time in my life, I wasn’t thinking too much into the idea of starting a family. And, even if I had, did not exert as much effort to be serious about it. My wife was the assertive one; she knew what she wanted, while I was a bit passive. Like many guys my age, I was living only in the moment and rotating girls I thought were desperate for love and attention. Dave, I was 35 years old and didn’t know what I wanted. My wife didn’t have her whole life figured out but she understood the need to mature. I said yes to her proposal even though I knew I could be making a big mistake going along with her plan.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): What made you want to marry her?

Tucker: She was worth investing my love and all. I couldn’t predict our future but I knew I could risk jumping in with both feet. I knew the kind of man I wanted to be around her. I knew the kind of man I could become with her in my life. I had friends back in the day who only played mind games on women while pretending to be quality guys. They sold dreams and promises to single women they couldn’t and wouldn’t follow through. Looking back, I can say they lacked integrity and had no moral compass established to guide their actions. They were inconsistent, liars, wannabes and had no plans to be any better in the long-term. The colored lifestyle they were pushing to live in the open was a daily struggle, yet were promising undiscerning single women soft life. I see a lot of boys on social media lately advocating same old script; harassing women and tricking them into sex. There’s nothing new under the sun. The man I wanted to become and the future I wanted to experience wasn’t that of partying and getting drunk and laid with buddies on the weekends.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Tucker: 30 years

DBM: Congratulations!

Tucker: Thank you, David,

DBM: Do you know where some of your old buddies are today?

Tucker: Yes. Some are dead, some are ill. Some are miserable and begging for alms from some of us; some managed to work their way into the hearts of rich women, but because they were still playing, they got found out and have been left redundant. Some have become irresponsible and have children scattered all over with different women. Some are in jail. A handful are working jobs but are still struggling overseas. I have seen the consequences that a man’s negative action has on him. My friends chose to be weak men in their youth with their arrogance, selfishness and pride.

DBM: Hmmm!

Tucker: Dave, if you plant maize, it will turn into a tall stout grass that produces hundreds of cereal grains of corn. That is the natural order of harvest; whatever will come back to you will be greater than what you sowed. That is why we have to be careful as men with our actions, especially, how we treat women and people who love us. Life somehow falls apart, so all the bad decisions we’re choosing to make will reap its own harvest in multiple folds. The seed every man is planting will grow into a massive tree. What you will reap will be greater than what you sowed.

DBM: How would you describe yourself?

Tucker: The man I am is centered around my wife and children. The best I have done is to love them like no other, protect, support and provide for them the best way I know how. The man I identify as respects my wife and people in general. I am doing right by my wife and the people I come in contact with, and it’s rubbing off on me in a good way. Life hasn’t been easy but I have been stoic in the face of difficulties. My wife tells our children always that I have been there for her on her worst days. I have been her rock.

DBM: Is there a structure to the kind of love you give to your wife?

Tucker: A man understands the seasons his wife is in at every given moment. Boys don’t have time to analyze seasons. Boys murmur, complain, find faults, blame-game, give attitude and find the easiest way out by walking after their own lust. A man, even in his driest of seasons will communicate with his wife and make the effort to adjust in the midst of it all. That is the type of love I have been offering to my wife. I give 100% of my love, devotion and service to her wellbeing and she tries her best to offer me 100% of her love, devotion and service. Love is all about sacrifice, Dave. Love is enough. I know certain experts claim it’s not, but with my 30 years of experience under my belt, I know love is enough foundation for every man to do the right things in their marriages. Even the Bible confirms it, “For God so loved the world that He gave…” Love should lead men to sacrifice and faithfulness and truth.

DBM: I’m guilty of the ‘Love is not enough’ awareness

Tucker: I know. I follow and read from your page. But Dave, a man’s love allows experiences to manifest the heart attitude of his woman. Dealing with problems, temptations or misunderstanding are some of the elements allowed in marriage to purge us, as a furnace of affliction, so that the good of our defense will shine dazzling in the light of our faithfulness and loyalty to our spouses.

DBM: How did you meet your wife?

Tucker: She was in line at a taxi station waiting her turn. She was late for work, I could see. So, I offered her and three other people in line a lift. I dropped everyone at their destination before going to work. I asked if I could pick her up and drive her back to her house after work and she agreed. Our conversations afterwards fell in place. I found time to meet her parents three weeks after knowing her, and she asked me to marry her.

DBM: How old was she?

Tucker: 29 or 30. I was not in love with her but she was the type of woman I felt could challenge me to become a better version of myself. I engaged her, and we planned a wedding. We found a place to live, and the rest they say is history. I underestimated what could be possible for us because we were total strangers and we got married in less than four months.

DBM: What was going through your mind when she proposed married?

Tucker: I thought about it for some time. I wished she had discussed her intentions about marriage with me first before popping the question out of the blue. Also, it was too soon. I’m not going to lie, I was concerned.

DBM: Concerned about what?

Tucker: Concerned about what answer to give her; saying ‘yes’ to the unknown or risking a potential relationship with her by saying ‘no’.

DBM: Would you encourage women to propose to men?

Tucker: No.

DBM: Why not?

Tucker: Girls of today are ready for marriage whilst the men are in no rush and would need time to catch up to the idea of marriage. I’d rather encourage women to discuss their desires to want to be wives with their men, and find out from them what their understanding of a happy marriage looks like. They should also ask these men if they see them, as the women they are comfortable doing marriage with. If he’s keeping the subject of marriage on hold after dating him for some time, you need to ask questions so you know his reasons.

DBM: That makes sense.

Tucker: It’s scary, and really not worth it to rush into marriage only to regret later. It’d be better to start from square one all over again to experience a fulfilling and happy relationship with someone else who will prioritize you and what you deserve in marriage. A lot of boys force their intentions to love women they do not see as life partners. They know they’re not ready but they’re telling you they love you because you’re giving them something they need. They do not want you but they need what their association with you brings them. Whatever it is they’re seeking, if it is not the truest form of love, cut them loose.

Image Credit: George Pak

Those Confused Eyes

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

PY: Dee

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Herrh! What are you doing here?

PY: I want to talk

DBM: Don’t you have my number?

PY: I want to talk here

DBM: For my ears only or you want it published?

PY: Your ears and publication.

DBM: What’s up?

PY: I think I’m ready to get married. I haven’t proposed marriage to Helena yet, but my mind is filled with all sorts of fanfare lately. I’ve always wondered about what it might be like to make her my wife.

DBM: Good to know! You’ve dated for how long?

PY: Four and a half years

DBM: How old are you?

PY: You know my age. Lol

DBM: Yeah, but for the purposes of this publication…

PY: 42

DBM: How old is your lady?

PY: 40

DBM: Why now?

PY: Beyond the love, of course, I need a trusted companion. And Helena is someone I can trust to stand by me through thick and thin. I also feel it’s time to start building a family of our own.

DBM: I am happy for you.

PY: Thanks. Hopefully, it will tame my, how do you call it, lol, my cheating habits.

DBM: Are you ready to be a husband?

PY: I believe I am, yes. I am ready to share my life with her. She’s my special something-something.

DBM: Okay!

PY: But I want her to get pregnant for me first.

DBM: As in, before you marry her?

PY: Yeah

DBM: Why is that?

PY: She’s 40

DBM: And so?

PY: Her biological clock

DBM: What has it done?

PY: It’s ticking

DBM: Why do you want to marry her?

PY: I told you why already.

DBM: You do not believe she can have a healthy pregnancy at her age?

PY: I don’t. My mother doesn’t believe it either.

DBM: Whose idea was it for her to get pregnant before marriage?

PY: My mother.

DBM: I’m going to publish this conversation, no?

PY: Yes

DBM: Helena is going to read this

PY: She already knows.

DBM: Ha! And, what did she say?

PY: She’s not ready to have a child out of wedlock.

DBM: Ha!

PY: But she’s failing to understand my point.

DBM: What was your point again?

PY: I just want to be sure she can get pregnant with my baby. That’s all. We will be married before the child is even born. Do you understand me?

DBM: I do! But why can’t you do this same experiment with her fertility after marriage?

PY: I don’t want to marry and divorce later. It’s a risk I’m not willing to take

DBM: Is having a child the main reason why you want to settle down with her?

PY: It’s part of my reasons. Dee, I love her; she knows this. I know it. I’m just concerned about the complications that are likely to develop at her age.

DBM: But there is also a good chance her pregnancy will be healthy

PY: That’s if she can get pregnant.

DBM: Why do you say that?

PY: David, let’s be real. We’ve been shacking up for four years and no sign of pregnancy. Is that not cause to be alarmed?

DBM: How important is having a baby to you?

PY: It’s everything to me, Dee

DBM: And, are you willing to give up Helena over this issue?

PY: I haven’t thought about it.

DBM: Think of it now. Are you willing to give up Helena over the subject of pregnancy?

PY: No

DBM: Why not?

PY: Because we have a good relationship, and I am committed to her.

DBM: Why are you entertaining the thought of putting an expiration date on the womb of a creation of GOD?

PY: My mum thinks she may never get pregnant for me.

DBM: Is Helena the right woman for you?

PY: She is

DBM: If you genuinely want to settle down with her, then decide to want to enjoy your marriage, regardless. Do not encourage your mother’s doubt to manipulate your decision making, especially now that you’re seriously considering doing right by her.

PY: What if there are no kids and I am tempted someday to look elsewhere?

DBM: When a decent man chooses to want to enjoy his marriage to his wife, he decides that no other relationship or extracurricular activity is an option. Question is, are you decent enough to want to get married and stay married?

PY: I try my best to be a decent guy.

DBM: I don’t know exactly what about Helena makes you happy, but if she excites you as much as any good partner does their significant other, let that determine the actions you take henceforth.

PY: I want to be happy, Dave. I think that’s my ultimate goal

DBM: If being happy in marriage is your priority, then let that impact your decision to want to propose to her. If having a child by whatever means is your priority, then note that your needs and selfishness are what your priorities are, and not marriage to her.

PY: What do you suggest?

DBM: Think of Helena, and place her above your expectations. Look into ways and means you can bless and encourage her. And psych yourself up to walk together no matter what life throws at you both.

PY: What if I don’t feel complete without kids?

DBM: PY, there is LIFE to be lived, even without children. Yes, maybe not the life you thought you wanted, per your definition of ‘family’ but it’s not so bad. And it’s full of possibilities and hope, joy, laughter, dreams and contentment.

PY: Let’s change the subject. Are you happily married?

DBM: I am focused on my marriage. I am taking care of my partner in our marriage. I am being intentional on pouring enough time and energy into my marriage. A happily married life won’t just happen, you know?

PY: I know

DBM: Good! So, do any and every good thing to protect your marriage – if you choose to go ahead with it, and put as much effort into it.

PY: How about cheating?

DBM: What about it?

PY: I feel like I may cheat on her

DBM: If Helena’s breasts fill you at all times with delight, you will be intoxicated by her love. Helena, if you’re reading this conversation, please find out what PY likes and does not like in the bedroom when you get married. I know that in your minds, your sex lives are beyond great, but ask yourselves what turns you on; you both may surprise each other because it wouldn’t be what you think you already know. It’s not every married man who enjoys their marriage. So, to make yours exactly what you want, you must make intentional choices. That is what will make you not cheat on her. It’s all about choosing to walk a different path and doing right by each other.

PY: Is your WhatsApp still active? I sent a message four month ago.

DBM: No!

PY: I’ll give you a call later this week. Thanks

Image Credit: Collis

Let’s Talk To Krys

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 8 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 67: Krys

DBM: Hi Krys. How would you describe yourself?

Krys: I am a lucky girl in my mid 30’s. I am curious, enthusiastic, a risk taker, very compassionate, open-minded; I care about this world and I believe I can help in making it a better place because I have the courage to try.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Krys: Can I say 11?

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Krys: Someone I care about just asked me to marry him

DBM: Has he got a name?

Krys: I prefer keeping him anonymous

DBM: Okay! How did you meet?

Krys: I was supposed to pick a colleague I work with to work. I had been going round and round to find the direction given me, because I did not know his area very well. I’m also slightly stubborn. I don’t like asking strangers for direction when I am lost. I saw an elderly mom standing by a locked gate. She looked like everything that could go wrong had gone wrong on her. I stopped by her gate to ask for direction, but realized she didn’t even stay in the neighborhood. She had come from Kyebi that early morning to surprise her son – who was celebrating his birthday that day. He didn’t know his mother was coming over, so he had locked up. The woman complained about missing the first bus coming to Accra due to a mechanical problem. Her handbag also got stolen at Kaneshie. She explained her situation and begged me to call her son, because her phone was in the stolen handbag. I handed her my phone to make the call. We got to know that her son had already reached his job station. He couldn’t come back home because he had to prepare for a meeting. I asked for direction to his workplace, and also asked about the route to take from his house to my colleague’s compound. The old lady joined my ride to pick my friend and drop him at work, and then sent her to her son’s office for his house keys.

DBM: That was very kind of you

Krys: Dave, I am always looking for ways to spread kindness. I don’t mind smiling at everyone. I don’t mind cracking dry jokes just to hear people laugh. I seriously do not mind to act foolishly if it’s going to bring a smile to someone’s face. That’s who I am

DBM: What happened next?

Krys: He suggested his mother stayed at his workplace till close of work, so they could go home together, but she wanted to go to the house and rest. She asked if I wouldn’t mind taking her back to the son’s residence. Really, I didn’t mind. I had started to like her already because we had been bonding in my car. By the way, her son is very handsome. In fact, in the process of convincing him that I didn’t have any problem with driving his mother back to his place, our eyes locked after smiling at each other. It was more subtle than just staring at each other.

DBM: How long did the eye contact flirting last?

Krys: Probably 15 seconds or more

DBM: You liked what you were seeing?

Krys: Very much. It felt like he was expressing his love and admiration for me

DBM: Weren’t you late for work?

Krys: I was but I had to see this through. I couldn’t stop myself from holding his gaze when he was talking to me

DBM: Fast forward to when you brough his mother home

Krys: She hugged me really tight, like she wasn’t going to let go.

DBM: Awww!

Krys: I read her son’s first text message while driving back to work. He was at his meeting but couldn’t concentrate.

DBM: Why is that?

Krys: I was on his mind

DBM: Were you thinking about him too?

Krys: Yes. And I was replaying that morning’s incident all over again. To say, everything happens for a reason knocked the wind out of me would be an understatement. My heart and mind smiled lighter and harder as I was unable to understand what was happening. That afternoon, we agreed to have lunch at a restaurant – where we sat next to each other and continued talking and smiling. Dave, I liked him immediately but we had to go to work after the hour.

DBM: Was he single?

Krys: He was. That was the first question I asked when we met for lunch

DBM: Good!

Krys: After work, he suggested we met for dinner at a different restaurant

DBM: Was this a date or something?

Krys: That’s the confusing part of it all: I wasn’t exactly sure about what we were doing. It was too soon to call it a date, even though he offered to pay for the meal. We talked and enjoyed each other’s company late into the night. It was his birthday. I was smitten.

DBM: Good for you.

Krys: Yes

DBM: Did you hear from his mother again?

Krys: I joined them for dinner that weekend at home. She was very happy seeing the two of us happy. She assured her of her approval of me if he were to consider dating me. She was rooting for us to be in a relationship. She encouraged her son to ask me out if he liked me, and put his heart out there and tell me how he feels about me. She asked me how I felt about her son

DBM: At dinner?

Krys: At dinner.

DBM: That was ballsy of her

Krys: We’ve been in a relationship for four years now

DBM: What do you like about him?

Krys: He’s a great guy. Even when he is driving me crazy, and I am driving him nuts, there is still so much for me to be thankful for. He loves to do things with me. He is passionate about his relationship with me. He is a great listener, and very compassionate. He is the most positive person I have ever come across. Edwin embodies all the characteristics of love in first Corinthians, even when I annoy him.

DBM: His name is Edwin

Krys: Yes, how did you know?

DBM: You called him out.

Krys: Edwin is patient; Ed is kind. Edwin does not envy; he does not boast, he is not proud. Edwin does not dishonor others; he is not self-seeking, my darling is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Ed does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. His love is yet to fail me.

DBM: That’s a good man right here

Krys: David, I don’t know what I did to deserve a man like him. He is too good to be true

DBM: So is GOD

Krys: I believe in God

DBM: Then believe He’s thought ahead of time to gift you with Edwin, a man after your own heart – who will do things to make your life easier.

Image Credit: Godisable Jacob

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