Let’s Talk To Sono
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 146: Sono
DBM: Hi Sono. How would you describe yourself?
Sono: A gentle giant with a heart and conscience
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Sono: 8
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Sono: My entire life has been shaped because of a choice I made. I married a woman who had strong financial values and goals. She was just a secretary when we first met; a secretary who sold ice cream, ice water and fruits as a side job. She baked meat pie and would supply a basic school next to her house before going to work. Barely a year of knowing her, I had rivetted to her habits. We had become teammates with similar values and goals on our finances. My father was reckless with money, and so I grew up seeing my mother always burdened, muffled and irritated. Unfortunately for me, I was almost ending up like my father until I met my wife.
DBM: How old were you when you met your wife?
Sono: 32
DBM: How old was she?
Sono: 25
DBM: How long have you been married?
Sono: 28 years this year
DBM: I see. Congratulations!
Sono: Thank you
DBM: How does your wife think in general?
Sono: Let me tell you the first question she asked me when I expressed interest in her, ‘What did your father teach you about money?’
DBM: For real?
Sono: Yes
DBM: What was your response?
Sono: The truth. I told her I had similar traits and she was like, ‘How much in debt do you owe?’
DBM: Lol!
Sono: She made me understand she wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with a man with bad financial habits.
DBM: Hmmm! I kind of side with her
Sono: Why?
DBM: That is a woman who knows she deserve a good man. If you want a good woman, you ought to become the type of guy deserving of that good you seek in her. I wouldn’t be comfortable dating a partner who would come into my life to only compound my existing problems.
Sono: That was her attitude towards me
DBM: I like her. She’s good in Math?
Sono: No! My wife always says her financial goals are more behavioral and emotional than anything mathematics related.
DBM: I see
Sono: I’m teaching our sons how to save, budget and spend with caution
DBM: Why is that important?
Sono: As a man, you need to understand how these things work. Unfortunately, many guys with families are spending their entire lives working for money. Ask yourself, how many of these guys are getting ahead in life – even after the hustle?
DBM: Hmmm!
Sono: Thanks to my wife’s insistence, I know how to not worry about money
DBM: 28 years in marriage; rate your experience thus far
Sono: It’s been a journey I’ll choose to take all over again, in a heartbeat. I will choose my wife any day. It’s not been easy; we’ve had our share of problems but we’ve never talked bad about each other to a third party. I have friends who are always complaining in the negative about their spouses, and I realized anytime they did that, it indirectly minimized their spouse’ integrity to some extent in our eyes. That is not a state I would ever want to put the mother of my children. And as my wife would always say, it takes away from the one telling us stories about their spouse’s own character.
DBM: Indeed! How do you deal with disagreements?
Sono: We know we cannot always get along, so whenever there is a heated argument between us, we remind ourselves first, that because we fight doesn’t mean our relationship is in trouble. We address issues for what they are without blaming the other. I can’t even remember the last time we fought, that we ended up impugning the other’s character or flaws.
DBM: Do you believe love is worth pursuing?
Sono: Love is a good thing, in as much as the people doing the loving are the ones sometimes making relationships complicated. For me, I know what I like about my wife and what I like in my wife. She says I am the right man for her, and I believe she is the right woman for me. There is nothing to this effect. Even when I am mad at her, I know I am angry because I love her so much. I can’t explain what I mean by that but it is what it is. Even with our 28 years history, I cannot confidently say that I know our marriage will survive the long haul. There is no real issue hindering the success of our marriage. In fact, everything is close to perfect with our relationship but I’m still unable to know whether or not things will work out for our good. I don’t know if I will continue loving and choosing her forever, even though at the back of my head, I know I would. I cannot tell whether or not she is pleased with me as her husband. And, it’s okay. That is how love is supposed to be. I am not supposed to see through its fine lines. All I know is, my solid marriage has the capability of falling apart, and it’s my duty to do everything in my power to prevent that from happening to me. I am not comfortable with my happy situation; I’ve not become complacent whatsoever. I’m still putting in the work to achieve the ‘Till death do us part’ bit in my vow to her.
DBM: Is she approaching her marriage to you through this same lens?
Sono: Yes
DBM: Has one woman been enough for you?
Sono: My wife is the only woman I have known in every way since we married. One woman can make you feel alive if you allow her room to grow on you the way you desire to be loved. One woman is enough. We’re just a bunch of selfish, greedy and inconsiderate people coming up with all sorts of excuses to not be trustworthy. I would rather argue with my wife than sleep with another woman.
DBM: Participant 145, July, left a question for you: ‘Which is ideal: asking for permission to cheat, or asking for forgiveness after being caught cheating?’
Sono: I read her question, and I remember smiling to myself. The nature of my relationship with my wife is such that, we are open and very honest about everything. When I find another woman attractive, she’s the first woman I tell. She’s found many guys attractive; two of my friends have flirted with her and I was the first to be told. We respect our commitment to the extent that, if we tell each other about something, anything, we don’t react poorly towards one other. Liking or finding other people attractive has never been an off-limits conversation to be had in our home. It’s not even about the friendship I’ve built with my wife. We have been able to do 28 years together because we are transparent with information and do not create a reason to doubt the other’s intention.
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Sono: This is my question to one after me, what do you know or heard about David Bondze-Mbir, and why do you follow him on Facebook?
DBM: Really? Lol!
Sono: This is where you say, Thank you! 😁
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: Any Lane
