Going Once, Going Twice
Magnus: Many years ago, I was a happy single man. The grass was always greener on my other side. If I needed someone to cuddle with on a rainy evening, I knew someone to call. There were nights on weekdays and weekends that I spent alone. It wasn’t always fun and I made the most of what it was then. All I had were little moments in time and I could do anything with those moments. I didn’t feel bad about being single or being alone. It didn’t really matter to me. So far as I didn’t have to settle for all of the wrong encounters I came into contact with, I was willing to wait for the right woman to come along. My mother once told me her biggest regret in life was to have settled in her marriage to my father just for the sake of being with a man. She thought that decision was far better than having no one in her life at all. But it wasn’t because she knew she had lowered her standards and was with the wrong man. My mother was alone even though she had a husband.
At 38, I was still single and looking forward to meaningful relationships in my future. I went on dates and got to know different people. I was invited to my wife’s 32nd birthday party in 1997 by one of her closest friends. Dave, I used to love the energy a good party could throw in the air because there was always that likelihood of finding someone attractive to talk to or make out with later on. I didn’t know anything about my wife. I got to the venue and there were five other guys plus the three ladies in attendance. The three ladies were the best friends of my wife and each had invited two of their closest, single male friends as their plus twos. Which was weird to me in the beginning but was delightfully surprised when I ended up forming a connection with the birthday girl.
Her best friends left no stone unturned to make her feel extra special that day. They all held cardboards with my wife’s best qualities and flaws boldly written on them. They read what they had to share about her to us the guys and then gave us the opportunity to ask questions. Mind you, the person being celebrated or in this case, auctioned to us was nowhere present at her own birthday venue. There were no pictures of her around, nothing. We were just being sold an illusion and expected to bid on it. I had a crush on the qualities they shared about my wife. I could see potential though I did not have any expectations of pursuing a relationship with her. And then, it was time to decide. Who liked what they heard, I did. I raised my hand to express interest. Everybody clapped and cheered me on before we were treated to a fine dinner with her close friends, followed by a good movie, which happened to be my wife’s favorite movie. It was not an extravagant party. A few hours later, party was done and we had to go home. I went home without meeting what I had bid on.
The following morning was a Monday. I was having a rough day, so when I walked into the office, I was very off my game, despite my efforts to appear motivated. Guess who had stopped by my work without letting me know in advance? My wife’s friend. What are you doing here…? I was about to ask before I realized she wasn’t alone. She was tall, slender, with a beautiful smile. Package had arrived and it was pleasing in my sight. My mouth did not go dry. My air supply did not cut off abruptly. Nothing expanded in my chest. I could take my eyes off her for a minute and not lose her beauty. My heartbeat was normal and I was still satisfied. That is how I met my wife. We got married in 1999, and she’s given me chance after chance every day to step in her little world to show her what she had been missing. Dave, till today, I can’t seem to get her out of my mind though I wake up next to her every morning. My wife has made the difficulties life has to offer easier to tolerate. And, she’s made our good times even more nourishing.
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): That’s a very beautiful story.
Magnus: It’s the best story I have ever talked about in my life.
DBM: What were some of the qualities shared by her friends at the party?
Magnus: They told us about the base of their friendship, which was respect. They talked about the love she had for all of them which was key for me. I believe a woman with love in her heart for someone is also kind. They talked about the fact that she was quiet naturally, but could also hold a conversation, an intelligent conversation. She was a good listener and could explain what was on her mind, and could make space for other people’s feelings. Those were the first insights I gathered and needed to recognize about her attributes, because they aligned with what I was looking for in a wife.
DBM: What do you like about your wife?
Magnus: I love the fact that she likes and trusts herself. She knows her value and doesn’t need affirmation from me or anyone for that matter. I love the fact that she follows through on her every word, deed and action. I married a competent woman. She’s very independent, has a full life of her own, a great career, and doesn’t need me to survive. She’s capable and adequate, and can achieve what others believe to be impossible.
DBM: You have children?
Magnus: No. I have low sperm count in my semen. That was the difficulty my wife and I were having getting pregnant.
DBM: How is she taking it?
Magnus: She used to ask herself whether she could be happily married without children. Her concerns always came with layers of fear, and a little bit of hope here and there. She had her own expectations and sometimes, guilt. But she assured me when she came to the realization that she may never become a mother to her own child, that happiness in our marriage wouldn’t depend on whether we have children or not. She was going to base and bet her happiness in our marriage on just the two of us. She has not allowed her family, friends or society to define our family structure. Though it’s been just the two of us in the marriage, she’s not found us to be incomplete because we do not have children. My wife has protected my dignity and our marriage from the outside noise. She’s stood strong for me even when I do not understand. The love we thrive on is deep and is lasting.
DBM: 1999 to 2026 is a big deal of marriage experience. What do you believe is working for the good of the marriage?
Magnus: I think me being the man that I am is what has dictated the climate of our marriage. I am passionate about my wife and our marriage and I make sacrifices for my wife. I am not selfish. I am not foolish. I do not cheat on my wife or entertain the thought of it because I have made the decision to only desire more of her. I am avidly pursuing her in the marriage. Likewise, I have less pride and can humble myself before her. I take very good care of my wife and have made her life comfortable even though she makes her own money. I welcome accountability and can easily say ‘I am sorry’ or ‘I was wrong’. When something awful or awesome happens, she always has me by her side to empathize or rejoice with her.
Image Credit: 2 Mephoto
