Let’s Talk To Dhakirah
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 105: I love the name Dhakirah
DBM: Hi Dhakirah. How would you describe yourself?
Dhakirah: I am a nice person in the morning, good in the afternoon and sweet at night
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Dhakirah: I am 7 today
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Dhakirah: My husband’s mistress came to my office to ask if I am still in love with him. She’s told me she is in love, and has showed me evidence of their two-year relationship. From their conversations, he’s in love with her too and does not know what to do because he is married to me. Initially, I was wondering why a side chick would have the audacity to show face, but then a phone conversation she recorded between her and my husband proved that he enabled her to confront me. It probably was a joke, but then she took on the challenge to confront me.
DBM: How did she know where you work?
Dhakirah: From the recorded phone call, my husband told her when she asked.
DBM: Have you told your husband about this?
Dhakirah: No! A girl as daring as that will tell him what she’s done
DBM: When did she approach you?
Dhakirah: 3rd of April, 2023
DBM: And, your husband hasn’t said a thing?
Dhakirah: Nothing
DBM: Have you noticed any changes in his attitude towards you since his girl’s confrontation?
Dhakirah: He’s been engaging in deep eye contact with me, while smiling, laughing or shaking his head for no reason when he sees me. I read intimidation or fear from his body language when he tries to lock eyes with me lately
DBM: What other evidence of their relationship did she present to you?
Dhakirah: Pictures and videos of them in bed. Some, taken while my husband was asleep and naked with her in bed.
DBM: Do you have a copy?
Dhakirah: I did not ask for a copy
DBM: Why not?
Dhakirah: I think I had a hunch a few years ago that he may be having an affair, but because he was doing everything right by me, I thought it was all up in my head.
DBM: How long have you been married?
Dhakirah: We’re almost in a decade
DBM: Children?
Dhakirah: Yes
DBM: What pricked the hunch?
Dhakirah: He started making huge purchases for me, etc. He bought me a car, for instance. He sometimes also forgot to mention he was going to stay out late till he’s realized he’s late. He comes home and lies about a work gathering or something with friends that came up unplanned. He takes his phone everywhere at home, even to the bathroom
DBM: I take my phone everywhere with me, even to the toilet
Dhakirah: Why?
DBM: Because I love to read or listen to music while on the loo
Dhakirah: Are you also always texting on your phone?
DBM: Not really
Dhakirah: That, if I am to just ask what’s going on with you, you suddenly are on the alert and in a defensive mode?
DBM: No
Dhakirah: Trying new and rough styles and positions with me in bed; all of a sudden becoming conscious of the kinds of underwear he wears, etc.
DBM: So, you weren’t surprised then – when she showed up in your office?
Dhakirah: Not not
DBM: How would you describe her?
Dhakirah: She’s pretty and young
DBM: Why haven’t you confronted your husband?
Dhakirah: He knows what he’s doing
DBM: It doesn’t bother you?
Dhakirah: Would it change a thing?
DBM: What are you going to do?
Dhakirah: I am not going to allow this to bring me to my knees. My life is not empty, I am not sad. I am not in despair
DBM: Are you okay with your husband falling in love with another woman?
Dhakirah: I am not. I am also not the only woman whose husband is letting down
DBM: I see
Dhakirah: But I have something planned for him. That is why I am not wearing any hatred or hurt
DBM: You’re going to punish him?
Dhakirah: He’s not my son, I cannot punish him. And, it’s not my responsibility to raise grown-ass-man right; his parents already did. Who he is showing me is the man he really is
DBM: You make a good point
Dhakirah: Sometimes, the cure for infidelity is infidelity.
DBM: Meaning?
Dhakirah: Meaning, I am still processing what he has done to me
DBM: Are you still in love with your husband?
Dhakirah: I am in hate with him, even though I am still loving towards him after all that I know
DBM: I see
Dhakirah: Dave, a friend of mine needs advise
DBM: What kind?
Dhakirah: She and her husband both found out, almost at the same time that they had been cheating on themselves. He was doing his thing in either hotels or his other woman’s place, while my friend, his wife, was sleeping with her side-kick at home, in their matrimonial bed when he’s gone to work or traveled. My friend’s husband wants a divorce because he thinks my friend’s cheating was worse than his.
DBM: Worse in which sense?
Dhakirah: His was an away match while hers was home
DBM: I don’t see the difference
Dhakirah: I said the same thing to her, but the husband is angry and has been mean towards her. Her in-laws are all attacking and name-calling her, but are not discussing the man’s own affair.
DBM: It’s a man’s world, I guess
Dhakirah: But it’s an empty nest without a woman
DBM: Are you quoting James Brown’s song to me?
Dhakirah: You started
DBM: Smh! What do you have planned for your husband?
Dhakirah: I just told you about my friend and her husband
DBM: Yes
Dhakirah: Sometimes, the cure for infidelity is infidelity
DBM: You’re also going to cheat on him?
Dhakirah: Already did
DBM: Oh!
Dhakirah: This is my story, and I’m the one asking for a divorce
Image Credit: Motional Studio
