Tag: Moving on

Dave, how are you doing? My husband extends his warmest greetings. We read all the comments on my story on your Facebook. Thank you, again for sharing our story.

“Date who?” I made a somber face with a dismissive wave and gaped back at him.

“Date me! I was just thinking about you for the first time in a way I have never thought of” he said

“This is weird.” I cried

“I know it’s so weird but it’s so perfect.” He laughed “Because you have been rejected by the man you love doesn’t mean you won’t find someone who loves you.”

“You love me?” I freaked out

“Yeah!” he said simply. “Sometimes I am not sure what I feel for you when I see you at work. I mean, I know you’re not crazy about me.”

“I am not!” my face started to darken as I began to cry for real – for real. I was so confused I couldn’t catch my breath. My boss then begun to tell me a story. He said he hired me because at my job interview with his panel, I told him it was my job description to set a strategic direction for his company. Apparently, what I said touched him because none of his employees had made such a forward-thinking viewpoint. They all were assuming it was his responsibility as the CEO, to be clear about his company’s strategy.

What he was saying was true though. I always have a clear outlook about the big picture vison for any organization I have worked with, while also knowing and understanding how my role helps or would help to bring about that vision. My boss stopped talking when we heard an announcement being made by the pastor that there was not going to be a wedding. Dave, it was mortifying. My boss placed the key in the ignition and turned it all the way to start the engine of the car. He pushed the clutch pedal down, and then moved the gear stick into first. We could hear the keyboardist playing music while it slowly wafted away. We sat in the car in dead silence as he drove off.

As we drove down the bumpy road to his house, he kept assuring me, “Bernice, you don’t always have to find love. Sometimes, it finds you.” I didn’t want to say anything but I had to ask what marriage meant to him. He shared how sacred his marriage to his late wife was. He described it as pure as it could be. There was no room for mistrust, manipulation or dishonesty. The energy they shared was positive and mutual enough to lift each other up. They supported and encouraged each other to the end of one.

“I don’t want much when it comes to marriage. Just care for me, Bernice, and I promise to love you. You don’t have to even love me.” he said, “You already let me be myself at work. We’re adults here: you’ve become my good friend with whom I know I can comfortably share anything about myself with.”

My former boss was my friend. He was right. I hadn’t thought of him as a friend because I usually treat every conversation with an employer like a conversation with a consular officer. I give as little information and only what they ask. Secondly, I felt it generally wasn’t the best idea to be friends with him. I have seen similar relationships in the past where colleagues built personal relationships with their employers or bosses, it made things complicated when the boss had to make very difficult decisions. Being a leader at the workplace myself, I am accountable for only results; my performance and the performances of those I supervise. I didn’t want to put myself in a situation whereby my employer’s desire to do right by me would conflict his responsibility to his job and company.

We got to his house and guess who was waiting for us in front of his gate? My ex-fiancé. He knew I could be there because we had been invited to his home, three months prior to be offered his services as our personal chauffer. He was crying. My boss lowered the car windows of my side for me to hear him out. He explained his reasons for standing me up; he wasn’t 100% sure about his true feelings for me. He was confused and didn’t know how to tell me the truth. He told me ardently that he wasn’t sure he wanted to go ahead with our relationship, six months prior. Dave, the issue is, I accidentally found the engagement ring he had bought for me in the pockets of one of his trousers when I was doing his laundry, six months prior. In fact, I thought it was all part of his proposal ‘discovery’ plan.

Unfortunately, I found out on my wedding day it wasn’t. He said he had thought about it and realized it wouldn’t be fair to me, knowing very well the mother of his unborn child also loved him. To make the long story short, he did not have the heart to explain what was going on in his life to me. My boss was so enraged, he got out of the car and walked towards him to punch him in the face. My fiancé didn’t attempt fighting back. He was just upset and he cried. He felt scared and ashamed of what he had done to me. He apologized and called his uncle and mother to gather his family to go to my family house to dissolve our traditional marriage and take their drinks back.

Dave, my anger wouldn’t even escalate as I watched and listened to him call his family. “We’ll talk later” was all I could say. Our wedding hadn’t even happened yet and I was already beat and tired of being the center of attention.

“We will talk later, Bernice.” He responded, taking me by the wrist. I could sense he was emotionally hurt. It was upsetting for me to think the one person I loved wanted to hurt me this way. I felt there was more to him than his behavior. He had been a stringer all along and I couldn’t see it. Honestly, I was never coming on too strong in our relationship. He was the one who hadn’t made up his mind about us. He was the one telling me anything that would get me to stick around without his needing to seriously commit to me. I fell for it, unfortunately for four years. But I was not going to cry about it and be wandering in my boss’s house in my pyjamas. There was no point in trying to feel or describe to him the pain I felt when reality finally sank in.

We left my ex-fiancé behind the gate and entered the house. My boss showed me my room. He helped me to get out of the wedding gown and showed me his late wife’s closet for me to select something to wear. When I joined him in the living room wearing his wife’s dress, he gawked at me for long. Wearing a dead woman’s dress in her husband’s house taught me that there is more to love than just fate. I could see he adored me in that dress.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked

“You can’t see what I am seeing?” he responded

“What do you see?” I wondered

“I don’t see the wound inflicted on you today at the Chapel by your fiancé. The scar is slightly marked on your face but it’s also a testament that wounds heal. I’m so attracted to you right now, Bernice.” He kept staring

I was surprised in that moment to realize I wasn’t actually even the least upset with his comment. I found myself oddly thankful for the worst thing that ever happened to my hopes and dreams. Because, inside that house was a living witness inspiring me not to cling on too tightly to my past memories, else, I may never heal. Dave, my boss is a man I dearly respect. Professionally speaking, he is the success I aspire to achieve in my dreams. In other words, he was the man of my dreams. So, listening to the ‘man’ of my dreams say to me, I am the woman of his dreams had to mean something. Afterall, we had been working together long enough for him to know if he really wanted to make that earnest commitment.

All of the day’s happenings flushed down the drain when he told me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. I was in shock, to say the least. But beyond the shock, it was comical. I laughed in his face and told him how silly he sounded. I mean, he had to be kidding me, right?

“No, I am not kidding you, Bernice.” He responded

Oh, now he could read my mind too? “You mean now?” I gasped

“Not right now. You can take as much time as you need but do not forget marriage is on the table” he said.

My ex-fiancé and I hadn’t spoken in a month to one another, and I just wanted the entire chapter of our story to read itself off. He called me out of the blue to meet over lunch, under a more relaxed circumstance. I got to the location on time and he arrived late. It was supposed to be a casual meet but he came holding rose flowers and an engagement ring box. He wanted to ask me to marry him again. According to him, he realized he could not lose me even if he wanted to.

By the way, did I mention my boss had brough his family to meet my family to ask for my hand in marriage, exactly one month after proposing to me? We did the traditional marriage and signed in court. So, as at the time my ex was asking me to forgive and marry him again, I had my husband’s rings on. My ex saw my rings on my ring-finger and almost mistook it for his, till he had a second look at the 18CT Yellow/White Gold 1.00ct Diamond Ring. My husband was supposed to be waiting for me in the car but he joined us at the table. When he approached me, I swear his hug and touch was electric. I was smitten, and immediately knew I was done with my ex.

Dave, life often presents us with challenges that come dressed as openings. An example of such an opportunity is when I made the decision to quit a previous job that looked down on my contributions, to take on a lower position and role at my husband’s company. The initial compensation amount offered me was less than the money I expected, desired or previously received elsewhere. It seemed like I was failing myself but then, I worked hard enough to turn it into a doorway to a more fulfilling career. I rose through the ranks over the years to the extent that, what once seemed like an end, suddenly, looked like a fresh beginning. It was through this new job that I uncovered potentials I didn’t know I had. My initial disappoint actually was a catalyst to a whole new world of journeys yet untraveled.

Just like everyone else I’ve had those moments I doubted my decisions in love, and even wondered if I had made good to what was deserving of me. I am a good and honest woman. I am very loving and authentic. I am deserving of a man who has done the inner work to figure out who he is, what he wants, who he wants, what his purpose is, and what his needs are. I am deserving of a man who has taught himself about the good in himself. I am deserving of my husband’s love. I am deserving of my two beautiful teenage kids with him. I am deserving of every year spent with him in these past 16 years of our lives together.

Image Credit: Alexander Mass