The Enemy Within
Bortele: My husband is telling people I am philandering and making out with any man that shows me attention. We’ve been separated and in the process of divorce. I don’t understand why he’s making me look dirty in the eyes of some of our friends.
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Are you sleeping around?
Bortele: No, Dave. I haven’t slept with any other man after we got married. I haven’t slept with any of the male admirers expressing interest in me yet. I want to get to know them first. And I’ve been chatting with a few so far. I will change the dynamics to sex the day my divorce is confirmed.
DBM: When did you start granting these men an audience?
Bortele: A few days after my husband and I agreed our marriage was over and went our separate ways.
DBM: You mind me asking why you two are ending the marriage?
Bortele: I don’t mind. He crossed a boundary with me. I caught him in an affair and he became abusive towards me.
DBM: What kind of abuse?
Bortele: Emotional and verbal abuse. He abused me psychologically too. It had to end because he was making me doubt myself as a mother and human being worth someone’s love.
DBM: Why is he concerned about what you choose to do with your life now that you’re no more an item?
Bortele: That is the controlling aspect of his abuse. He’s really trying my patience
DBM: Or he’s just bored and trying to add some level of excitement to his life?
Bortele: By besmirching my reputation?
DBM: You have proof he’s behind this?
Bortele: The wives of the people he’s lying to are the ones calling to inform me. Their husbands are discussing his accusations with them.
DBM: Have you confronted him about it?
Bortele: No. I want to deal with him through the court system.
DBM: Do you have it in you to rise above his actions?
Bortele: I’ve been trying to, but lately it seems to be eating at me.
DBM: It’s the misplaced superiority syndrome feeling. Men who do that ride on the notion that they’re better than you. I know and have experienced quite a few of such. They lie and exaggerate the most – and would find delight in seeing you break. That is the kind of negativity they add to the world around them. That’s their unconscious legacy they’re most proud of. Do you care about what he thinks of you?
Bortele: No.
DBM: Good!
Bortele: You think I should ignore him?
DBM: Engaging with him only fuels his zeal to tell more lies and talk shit about you. It doesn’t make him stop anyways. People will do whatever they want to do. Your attention is your life. Question is, who do you choose to give an ounce of it to?
Bortele: I agree with you
DBM: There is a reason why you’re divorcing him. He is not a decent man. He pretends to be to his friends but the him inside of him is the man you’re done with.
Bortele: I am so done with him, Dave.
DBM: Good for you. You’re deserving of a structured man who will make you feel safe without you having to explain why.
Bortele: Do I need to tell my side of the story to the people he’s spreading rumors about me to?
DBM: If that’s what is going to make you feel heard and understood. I, on the other hand do things differently; I do not have time to waste on such foolishness. I’d rather people make their own minds about me. I don’t need to explain myself to anyone. Do you feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone?
Bortele: I don’t know. He’s making certain people avoid me
DBM: Truth is, some of the people around you are patiently waiting for you to make a huge mistake, so they can rain their prepared judgements on you. Give them a show while in waiting. Give them a front roll seat to what excites you. Winning their love and approval isn’t worth the while. Your peace of mind is worth the price. Nothing anyone says about you should ever affect the joy in you.
Bortele: I wish you could see me smiling
DBM: Smiling looks good on you. You’re alive each day for a reason. And, as a Christian, I believe GOD has reserved a table before an audience that has all of their biased attention on you. Give them a show that is yours and no one else’s.
Bortele: By the way, my husband dislikes you and your Facebook presence.
DBM: Even better; GOD is using the very one he so much dislikes to inspire the one he loves.
Bortele: He’s probably frowning by now reading this. Not just frowning, fuming and also insulting you in his head.
DBM: GOD has a sense of humor. No one should ever make you feel limited in any way, what-so-ever and in all situations. Do you understand?
Bortele: Yes, David. I understand perfectly. Thank you so much. I feel relieved.
DBM: Have fun.
Bortele: I am going to.
Image Credit: Mike Jones
