Tag: Secret admirers

Hafsat: Hello David. I need someone who would be honest with me

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Hey! What’s on your mind?

Hafsat: I have a pastor friend who is just a friend. He has a mighty call on his life and we all can attest to how passionate he is about his ministry. He’s his happiest when he’s sharing the word of God with us. I joined his church in 2023, and have been supporting financially. At first, I was giving anonymously but he figured who was behind the large sums in donations and invited me over to his office one Sunday afternoon, in 2024. That was how our friendship begun. He is married with children. I am a follower of Christ, and I trust God and would follow what he calls me to do. I had a dream on the 12^th of March 2024, that my pastor’s wife had died and he had asked me to marry him. You’re the first person I’m sharing this dream with, Dave. No one else knows about it. I rebuked her death in prayer after I woke up from the dream and went about with my life. Pastor called me the beginning of this year to inform me about his decision to divorce his wife. Dave, I recently started dating one of our church Elders and I am getting very comfortable with his feelings for me. He’s very chill and hardworking and intelligent. He’s also the type of guy I find attractive. Now, my pastor is throwing me this hard curveball that I’m not sure I can play.

DBM: What ‘hard curveball’? He just said he’s considering divorcing his wife, no? Or there was something else communicated to you?

Hafsat: It was just about the divorce and his request for me to remember him in prayers

DBM: So, remember him in prayers

Hafsat: What about my dream?

DBM: What about it?

Hafsat: Or I am being naïve for thinking that dream could also be what my future may look like?

DBM: How do you want your future to look like?

Hafsat: I don’t know what God’s exact plans are for my life but I believe I am being called to hold responsibility.

DBM: What kind of responsibility?

Hafsat: I’m not sure. Dave, I care for people

DBM: How old are you?

Hafsat: 39

DBM: What do you do for a living?

Hafsat: I am the Country Director for an international organization.

DBM: You can choose not to answer this question. How much do you earn annually?

Hafsat: $125,000 USD

DBM: Has pastor ever been to your house?

Hafsat: Yes

DBM: To do what?

Hafsat: To pray for me. It was my birthday. He calls to also check on me when I am not able to attend church.

DBM: Do you know why he wants to divorce his wife?

Hafsat: He says it’s got to do with the new path God is leading him on

DBM: Where is this new path heading?

Hafsat: I don’t know

DBM: What has he said about his wife to you?

Hafsat: Nothing bad. He loves his wife and he has said in church, many times that she is the most powerful influence that has challenged him to be a better man. He’s also talked about her most attractive virtues.

DBM: Which are?

Hafsat: Her faithfulness and loyalty. And she’s a very beautiful woman

DBM: If she’s all that, how has he all of a sudden outgrown her usefulness?

Hafsat: That’s a good question

DBM: Do you find your pastor attractive?

Hafsat: Lol. David will kill me with laughter

DBM: Is that a yes or no?

Hafsat: He’s a fine man but we’re just friends

DBM: But is he the type you’d usually go for?

Hafsat: He is a nice man. Let it go. Lol

DBM: Is being nice alone good enough for you, or there are a lot of …?

Hafsat: David, there’s nothing going on between us if that is your follow-up question. Lol

DBM: When he told you about his intent to divorce his wife, what was your response?

Hafsat: I didn’t have anything to say. What was I to say?

DBM: Truth is, the way you respond to a man feigning to be interested in you can make a huge difference.

Hafsat: I don’t think he’s pretending to be my friend and pastor

DBM: Why did he come to you specifically to volunteer his divorce story?

Hafsat: Again Dave, I cannot know. Because we’re friends? I don’t know

DBM: So, this is what I think, because I am a man; and I know men. Work with me on this

Hafsat: Here we go again. Lol. Ok, I’m listening

DBM: A married man will tell you, a single woman, that he’s divorcing his wife because at the back of his head, he feels you can equally rekindle the spark within him. He’s always or secretly found you attractive and has once or twice, weighed you on the same scale he weighs his wife on – in his cunning mind. He’s ever thought you’re beautiful than his wife or in your case, make more than enough money on your own to support his mission in life. There’s always a catch that benefits or feeds his curiosity about you. A married man will tell you, a friend, that he’s divorcing his wife because he wants you to ask why, so he can compose any and everything to throw her under the bus. He will never tell you what he did wrong first, to make his wife’s decisions and, or actions explode if any. A married man will tell people, those he knows and do not know, that he’s divorcing his wife because he wants to take over the narrative that he left her, and not the other way round. He has to win the argument by all means. That is the kind of man these kinds of men are in real life: these have no character.

Hafsat: What if he’s just plain unhappy in his marriage?

DBM: Most likely, your pastor was in an unhappy marriage with his wife prior to meeting or knowing you, and has found or is finding that happiness and excitement he wasn’t getting at home in your friendship. Question is, are you equally thrilled to find in him, a man who in your estimation, gets you; that you are willing to damn all consequences to take a risk, even though you know he’s legally still married?

Hafsat: That’s not what I am doing

DBM: But are you considering it? To want to become a break from the routine of a married man’s ‘boring’ life?

Hafsat: I am not having an affair with a married man, Dave

DBM: I’m not saying you are. We’re just having a healthy conversation.

Hafsat: Dave, you’re also married. Why do you think married men have affairs?

DBM: I can only speak about what will make me want to have an affair. There is a pleasure in the knowledge that someone else somewhere, also sees me. And the thought of losing having that someone else in my life – who is willing to fight for me, care for me and risk it all just to make excuses for my bad behavior is an impossible tense. If I am a manipulative, selfish and cunning man, I would desperately need that extra oomph in my life.

Hafsat: Okie dokie

DBM: A lot of us men mostly want relationship quid pro quo. And it often starts with being nice to you. You’ve been good to him and his ministry with your purse. He’s now pulling out all the charm in his pursuit until he has conquered your undivided attention. Do not fall prey to these tricks

Hafsat: David, this is a pastor we’re talking about

DBM: You are choosing to see what you want to see about him. And only trusting the image you have created in your head about him than the person he’s showing you to be to his wife. Matthew 19:9 considers divorce without biblical grounds to be a sin. Is his wife abusing him? Has his wife abandoned him? Has she committed adultery? Is she addicted to any unhealthy behavior that his own actions didn’t lead her on to?

Hafsat: I don’t know

DBM: I honestly do not trust your pastor’s charm. It sounds deceitful to me

Hafsat: I don’t know what else to tell you Dave. You don’t know him

DBM: Please do not fall for this front. Something tells me it’s just a lure to hook you into his control. The real character of your pastor will be unleashed the moment you allow him to have his way with you. It will not be a pretty story in the end. He’s interested in dating you due to your financial status and whatever support he believes could come out of an exclusive relationship with you.

Hafsat: We’re all entitled to our opinions

DBM: What is your opinion?

Hafsat: I have none

DBM: Do you desire the elder you’re dating as much as you want to belong to your pastor?

Hafsat: I don’t belong to anyone. I don’t owe you an explanation

DBM: I do not think every dream comes from GOD. Some dreams come from our own secret desires. Some dreams also come from the devil because he delights in copying GOD. If someone who pretends to like you but wants your downfall (consciously or unconsciously) gives you counterfeits of your best and closest friend’s designs, how would you discern a genuine gift from your best friend from a counterfeit?

Hafsat: I get everything you’re trying to say, Dave.

DBM: Do not allow a dream to shift things in your life. Sometimes, that unassuming shift is all the enemy needs close the door to your peace of mind.

Hafsat: Thank you.

Image Credit: Cottonbro