Tag: Self-love

Healed

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I am a senior and a big fan of your Facebook community. I do not comment on your posts but I read everything you share. I want to speak to the young ladies who come to you with their stories. I remember the first time I found out my late husband was having an affair. I remember the first time he denied the affair when I confronted him. I recall the night he made a decision to leave me. He did not divorce me; he just packed out one evening and never returned home. I could not fully comprehend his decision. I could not understand what his actions made me experience at that time.

I had done nothing wrong to him to deserve that level of rejection and abandonment, yet I was the one waking up at dawn, screaming and crying. I was filled with so many emotions. The mixture was a bit of shock, anger, fear, guilt and shame. Our nine-year-old daughter was the one who would hear me crying, and come running into my bedroom to comfort me as I wept against her shoulder. My daughter could not understand why I felt broken in many ways and couldn’t be strong for her. I felt so let down, because I had given years of my life to a man who didn’t see the reason in fighting for our marriage in the end.
I loved my late husband. I cared about him and wanted the best for him. I gave him everything a woman in love could lay at the feet of her man. When our daughter turned 22, she asked her father why he left me. He assured her he was in a reasonably, emotionally healthy relationship and marriage with me. He told his daughter how much he loved me, cared about me, and had no desire to hurt me the way he did. So, I was right when I stated I did nothing wrong to the best of my knowledge. She asked her father why he left us and he confessed that he wanted to explore a repressed part of himself. The core of who he was, was he liked being with other people. And being married constrained him.

He was curious about what his life could have been if he had chosen a different path. He also told her he initially felt I wasn’t meeting his every need and desire in the marriage. My girl asked whether all of his affair partners managed to meet his standards, and his answer was no. What he kept saying was, he felt he deserved more. David, when I vowed on our wedding day to be faithful to my late husband, I was indirectly saying I was willing to sacrifice all other better options out there and the pleasures thereof, to and for our marriage. What my husband did instead, was to view fidelity as something to be worked around.

He also made the attempt to make our daughter believe cheating is built into the fabric of the male psyche. That is a lie I want every woman reading my submission to stop hearing or believing. My daughter got married when she turned 29. She divorced her ex-husband at the age of 32. Like my late husband, he was also of the belief that the grass is always greener. And because he couldn’t bring himself to scar my baby girl by asking for divorce, he intentionally let my daughter discover his infidelity, so she could do his dirty work for him. They would rather deal with the shame of being caught, than try to explain why the marriage isn’t working for them.

My late husband left me when he was 36 years. He died when he was 51. I got married again when I was 52. I am 76 and still married to my wonderful husband. My daughter got married again at the age of 37. She was a mother of two. She’s still married to her second husband.
This is what I told my daughter when she was 31 years old and at that point, cohabitating with her ex-husband. Do not mistaken a man who is offering you breadcrumbs for a feast. Being disrespected in any form is not the kind of behaviour you should expect from any man. The woman you are is not a decorated figure, in the name of a wife who is just there, waiting on her man while he sows his wild oats. Do not put your relevance, self-worth and healing in the hands of any man who chooses to drop, break and hurt you. If he could shatter you that easily without care, then you are not waiting on him to also put you back together.

Image Credit: Elly Shots

Let’s Talk To Chibueze

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 135: Chibueze

DBM: Hello Chibueze. How would you describe yourself?

Chibueze: Married but single

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Chibueze: A good 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Chibueze: We had been married for 10 years when my husband decided to leave me and the children. It happened quite suddenly, and he had made it clear to his parents, uncles and mine that there was no guarantee that he would return to me. To me, and the rest of the world I had the ‘perfect’ marriage, that when my husband told me he had fallen out of love with me – there were no warning signs with the size of a billboard clearly perceptible from a distance that rainy afternoon. It took me by surprise, Dave. In fact, he was the one always busy with work and life and had taken me and the children for granted.

DBM: Do you work?

Chibueze: I am an Associate Professor

DBM: Okay!

Chibueze: I will not downplay his responsibilities towards the children; he’s been providing for their every need. He was just not home enough to spend time with them. I, on the other hand wasn’t his priority after our 5th year in marriage. I realized it, and before coming to terms with it, was the spouse doing almost all of the giving, pleasing and compromising without getting anything back. On our 8th year of marriage, my well ultimately run dry and couldn’t put in as much effort to make our marriage what it used to be. My focus now was on my children and my own needs.

DBM: I can understand you. It’s very easy to see checkmate when I am not the one playing the game.

Chibueze: You play chess?

DBM: I have a fair idea of the game

Chibueze: Okay! And you’re right. I got scared of failing my children, that was why I made the decision to commit every breathing second of the past years immersed with my husband, even though he wasn’t showing any enthusiasm on his part to make our relationship a priority. I wanted him to want our marriage so bad that I actually forgot how to even love myself. He would only pretend to care about me when he wanted sex. My nine-year old daughter once said to me, ‘Mummy, I know daddy loves me and Joshua, but I don’t think he loves you like the way he loves us.’

DBM: Oh mine!

Chibueze: Yes, even my first child had noticed the friendship between her parents was gone

DBM: Or perhaps, was never even there to begin with?

Chibueze: Uhm, it was there in the beginning

DBM: Okay!

Chibueze: Or maybe not. You can never tell these things accurately. Dave, I held on for so long with the hope of him coming to his senses but he left the house for work, two years ago, and never returned to us. The children made me aware he was visiting them at school and would sometimes, take them along for the weekends and holidays. It was also through the children that I got to find out he was living with another lady, and that, they had a baby sister.

DBM: Hmmm! A friend of mine went through a similar ordeal. This is actually very familiar to me

Chibueze: How did she manage?

DBM: Oh, she’s doing way better in life now as a single mother than she was as a married woman. Sometimes, it’s just not worth it to be holding on to foolishness for foolishness’ sake

Chibueze: My husband wants to come back

DBM: Come back to what?

Chibueze: Me and the children

DBM: What did you do after finding out he has a child with another woman?

Chibueze: Nothing. Unfortunately, I had checked out of the whole being attentive to, and involved with him phase.

DBM: When I’m offering my very best and it’s still not enough, then you’re the wrong person I’m probably giving my all to.

Chibueze: That was the point I reached.

DBM: I’m interested in what’s actually changed for him

Chibueze: I haven’t asked. His family went to my family to plead on his behalf

DBM: What did his family do when they found out he’s moved in with another woman?

Chibueze: I didn’t tell them anything

DBM: But they knew, no?

Chibueze: They probably did

DBM: Do you want him back?

Chibueze: I started to chat with a guy last year and he’s expressed interest in me. I like him. I think I’m falling in love with him

DBM: What are you going to do?

Chibueze: I’ve been speaking with my lawyer and he thinks I can walk away from the marriage. My only concern is with the children. They didn’t ask for all this

DBM:  Will the kids have to change schools if you divorce?

Chibueze: Not really. No!

DBM: Will their relationship with you and their father be affected in any way?

Chibueze: No!

DBM: Can you and your husband be pleasant and accommodating when it comes to transitioning into the role of co-parenting?

Chibueze: Yes. The kids’ best interest will be at the front of every decision we’d take

DBM: Your children will be fine.

Chibueze: Hmmm!

DBM: Participant 134, Quinton, left a question for you: ‘Where lies your belief, God, luck or numerology?’

Chibueze: My personal belief is in God. Of course, I’ve also had doubts about His existence, but when I think of all the things/mysteries I’ve come to intuitively know and understand, which ordinarily, should be beyond my logical reasoning, my hope in things to come – which never seems to die, the extent at which my heart can love, there can only be a living God behind it all. I don’t think God is a math equation to be solved. God cannot be as a result of a conducted test. I just choose to have so much respect for God.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Chibueze: If you had to be in a long-term relationship for two years without your spouse’s physical presence, would you remain faithful?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Valdans Media

Let’s Talk To Boahinmaa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 112: Boahinmaa is fine by me

DBM: Hello Boahinmaa. How would you describe yourself?

Boahinmaa: Empty and missing out on so much happiness

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Boahinmaa: Five

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Boahinmaa: I think I have forgotten how to find happiness for myself. I never thought I could get to this point in my life, where I’d lose that strong sense of who I was before getting married. Trying to be everything that makes my husband and children happy has left me feeling like I don’t actually understand my true value. I feel bitter too. I don’t know how to give to myself; I rather fear losing my marriage than losing my own life and peace of mind. I have forgotten how to trust in my self.

DBM: Give me an idea of your life’s priorities. You can arrange them in order of importance

Boahinmaa: My husband, my children, our family, God, my job, my parents and siblings

DBM: Can you attempt putting together that of your husband’s? At least, from where you stand

Boahinmaa: He is a selfish man so I know he always puts himself and his needs first. Our children might come second because he cares a lot about them. He loves his job and making quick money, then maybe, his mother and family, friends and then, me. I know I’m the last on his list

DBM: From your priorities, I don’t see your name on the list. Why?

Boahinmaa: Dave, all my life I have been taught to put others first and put myself last. My mother did it, so did her mother.

DBM: But I still don’t see your name on your list

Boahinmaa: Let me rearrange; husband, children, our family, God, my job, my parents and siblings, and Boahinmaa.

DBM: How old are you?

Boahinmaa: I don’t want to say my age. My husband reads from your Facebook platform. He doesn’t really like you because he thinks what you’re doing is rather destroying relationships. But I’m old enough. Just take that as an answer

DBM: You wouldn’t tell me how long you’ve been married either, no?

Boahinmaa: No, but I’ve been married for some time now.

DBM: What is the relationship between you and your husband like?

Boahinmaa: What I see is what I get

DBM: Meaning?

Boahinmaa: I don’t know how to explain it: I love my husband, but I’m just not happy being married

DBM: Would you qualify your marriage as bad?

Boahinmaa: It’s not that ‘bad’ to the extent of me walking out of it, but it’s not good either. My marriage is not feeding me any real joy and happiness

DBM: So, you’re stuck?

Boahinmaa: Pretty much!

DBM: How is your relationship with your children?

Boahinmaa: So-so. I am trying the best I can to be their mother.

DBM: Are they happy?

Boahinmaa: I wouldn’t know. Maybe or not

DBM: Is your husband happy with you?

Boahinmaa: Again, I don’t know. He can be all over the place with his exaggerated sense of self-importance. Also, I suspect he’s having an affair

DBM: So, you are not happy, you don’t know whether or not your husband is excited about you. You do not know the state of mind of your children. What do you know?

Boahinmaa: Awww, Dave, I feel like crying 😭

DBM: What would crying do for you at this moment?

Boahinmaa: I don’t even know

DBM: When last did you take time out to honestly, evaluate what you are going through?

Boahinmaa: I haven’t seriously done that. There is always a lot on my plate, it’s overwhelming

DBM: Do you think you’re taking good care of yourself? And by self, I mean your state of mind and its sanity, your total wellbeing, etc.

Boahinmaa: No!

DBM: You limit your capacity to pour into the lives of the very people you love the most, when you refuse to take care of you.

Boahinmaa: But Dave, I don’t want to be selfish like my husband

DBM: You don’t get it, do you?

Boahinmaa: What?

DBM: Your husband is not selfish

Boahinmaa: He is

DBM: GOD was number four on your priorities in life. Do you know that how you treat yourself is the same way you end up treating GOD?

Boahinmaa: I don’t think so

DBM: Be honest with me, what is your relationship with GOD like?

Boahinmaa: It’s in existent

DBM: I know, but what is it like? Do you love on him as much as you desire for your marriage to work?

Boahinmaa: I don’t know

DBM: You represent GOD in your life. And so, if you’re not that important in your own eyes and life, and have to always put others first, then GOD is not in the equation to begin with. You may know of Him, but then you do not know him for yourself – because you do not even know your worth

Boahinmaa: Dave, I know who I am. I am just not in my right-thinking faculties

DBM: Until you learn how to fill your own cup to drink from, it cannot run over to the benefit of others

Boahinmaa: I’m always sacrificing so much of myself in this marriage, it hurts really bad

DBM: That is because you are too strong to be weak. It’s tiring to say the least

Boahinmaa: Help me!

DBM: I don’t know how best I can help you. I can only suggest from how I live my life

Boahinmaa: Okay! How do you do you?

DBM: Unlike you, I am not looking out for a number one representation in my life. I do not put my needs and self on the back burner. I make sure I am always on the stove, cooking something fresh and delicious for myself, and then for others. I need to be strong for myself, in order to hold you down. GOD, and my boring self are the first important people in my life; followed by the love of my life, my passion for whatever I’m pursuing as a career; then my siblings and parents. My closest and best friends come next… In that exact order. And because of that, my dynamics with people isn’t that of bitterness. I am hardly resentful, hardly jealous.

Boahinmaa: Easier said than done!

DBM: I know, it’s upsetting to look at your own behavior.

Boahinmaa: But Dave, my husband is a contributory factor to my unhappiness in this marriage

DBM: You’re still blaming your husband just to avoid looking inward. You have to learn how to choose to be happy. Learn how to live for yourself, so you can find what makes Boahinmaa happy. You’re not here to fulfill what you perceive to be the expectations of others for you. This life is too short to refuse yourself more good days and memories

Boahinmaa: Okay!

DBM: I’m not saying it’s going to be easy on you, but then you need to find enough courage to choose your happiness over the fear of the unknown. Spark some joy in your life

Image Credit: Timur Weber

Let’s Talk To Wyatt

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 109: Name is Wyatt

DBM: Hi Wyatt. How would you describe yourself?

Wyatt: Someone’s beau, humorous, handsome, sexy, dapper, brilliant, hardworking, supportive, adventurous, very confident and can be affectionate.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Wyatt: Seven

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Wyatt: I am in a six-year relationship with my girlfriend. Honestly bro, I am very content with what we have and okay to let our relationship stay just the way it is, boyfriend-girlfriend, without any status change. My girl on the other hand, wants an upgrade in my level of commitment to her… And she feels marriage does that for her. I am not dragging my feet about this whole marriage conversation; it’s just that I don’t think it’s all that important if we still have what we have, which we both love.

DBM: Marriage is not important to YOU, you mean to say, no?

Wyatt: Dave, we’re doing everything married people do. How is that any different?

DBM: How old are you?

Wyatt: 39

DBM: How old is your lady?

Wyatt: 33

DBM: What do you do for a living?

Wyatt: I’m a statistician

DBM: And your lady?

Wyatt: Nurse anesthetist

DBM: So, you’re in the position to be married then?

Wyatt: I can get married today, that’s not the issue. I am not ready

DBM: When do you think you will be ready?

Wyatt: When I’m ready. I don’t see the rush in this

DBM: Do you know why your lady wants marriage?

Wyatt: She’s eight weeks pregnant, and I think that’s her sudden tick-tock

DBM: Congratulations!

Wyatt: Thank you!

DBM: There should be a reason why you don’t want to be married now. If I don’t want marriage, I would know why. Why don’t you want to get married?

Wyatt: Marriage can be a lot of work

DBM: How do you know?

Wyatt: I just know

DBM: From which experience? You’ve never been married, have you?

Wyatt: Friends share their experiences with me. I have family members also talking. Most of my married male friends wish they were single

DBM: How does their unique experiences reflect on how yours could become?

Wyatt: Marriage puts unnecessary expectations on a man’s behavioral commitment. I don’t think I am ready for such a transition.

DBM: Enlighten me on the behavioral commitment bit

Wyatt: If I am to get married, then it means I would be limiting myself only to my girlfriend. This makes me miss out on so much

DBM: Miss out, how?

Wyatt: Come on, Dave, you’re a guy

DBM: I honestly do not understand your statement

Wyatt: I also don’t know how to explain it

DBM: Can I try putting myself in the shoes of your woman?

Wyatt: In which sense?

DBM: I want to try arguing from her perspective

Wyatt: Smh!

DBM: Being married would protect our baby. Our child can lead a healthier, long life if we’re to be officially committed

Wyatt: Dave, giving our child a loving and safe upbringing requires just more than a ring and a priest. Our child will not be anything less than ours; he or she is not going to be illegitimate, or a bastard. He or she is not a sin if born out of wedlock. Us being unmarried doesn’t necessarily risk our unborn child into poverty. He or she will not fail in school because we are not married. Our child will not suffer from emotional or behavioral problems because we are not married. How we raise and protect him or her would solely be our decision to make.

DBM: How about the fact that, marriage can offer me the legal protection that could or would make it more pleasing a step for me to take before giving birth to our child?

Wyatt: It’s just a piece of paper. Luckily for me, my girlfriend does not rely on me to survive. She works and earns her own money, even though we support ourselves and would do same for the child when its finally here.

DBM: Let’s assume she isn’t working

Wyatt: She works. Let’s stick to what my current reality is

DBM: In your response to my earlier question, you stated that marriage may limit you to just one woman. How about your woman wanting marriage because deep down, she feels it could increase your sexual fidelity?

Wyatt: I know she believes that

DBM: Do you?

Wyatt: Dave, you have been chatting with a ton of married women and men. Is that the reality on the ground? Because all of my married male friends are cheating on their wives. Nothing really has changed

DBM: Are you cheating on your girlfriend?

Wyatt: I am

DBM: And you don’t think a commitment in marriage would make you want to do right by her?

Wyatt: I am doing right by her. Having a few affairs isn’t an indication of whether or not I am a bad person.

DBM: But do you feel like something is missing in your relationship with your lady?

Wyatt: Nothing is missing or broken. We’re intact. I am happy

DBM: Is she happy?

Wyatt: I think so

DBM: How would she feel if she’s to find out about your affairs?

Wyatt: I don’t know

DBM: Are you satisfied with your self and actions as a man?

Wyatt: Somewhat. I am always doing what is best for me

DBM: How would you define your relationship with your girlfriend?

Wyatt: We’re exclusive. She’s my world, my everything. And I love her so much

DBM: So, you have agreed to be exclusive with her, yet here you are doing other women on the side while your leading lady is remaining true to you and your agreement of exclusivity. How fair do you think you are being? Is she not satisfying you sexually?

Wyatt: She is

DBM: Have you fallen in love with any of those other ladies?

Wyatt: No!

DBM: Is there boredom in your relationship?

Wyatt: No, we have a lot of fun. Dave, I am not a bad person.

DBM: You may not be a bad person, but you clearly aren’t an honest man

Wyatt: What do you want me to do? Marry her even though I don’t feel like it?

DBM: No! From what you have told me, marrying her wouldn’t even be a realistic promise of permanence – with regards to your romantic relationship. But Wyatt, you can at least be honest with yourself and your woman for a change.

Wyatt: I am honest the best way possible.

DBM: I see. Was the pregnancy planned?

Wyatt: No

DBM: Okay!

Image Credit: Ryutaro Tsukata

Let’s Talk To Akos

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 36: It’s Akos for the meantime.

DBM: Hi Akosua. Please tell me a little about yourself

Akos: I am my own boss and I set my own schedule. I’ve not given up any amount of my freedom because of marriage. I am in control of my sexual liberation; I warm the minds, bodies and wallets of my clients; I own a beauty shop; 37 years of age, and holds a Master’s in Cosmetic Science and Technology from the Beijing Technology and Business University.

DBM: I’ve spoken to four of your best friends. Did you read my conversations with them?

Akos: I read everything.

DBM: And?

Akos: You invited us to present our true selves to you and your readers, and they shared exactly that; their opinions, feelings, desires and needs. I’m here to also speak for myself.

DBM: How important is education to you and your friends?

Akos: It’s our fundamental rights, whether we have sex with men or not. We’ve gained the relevant skills in our various specialties to enable us offer services to others, and most importantly, earn a livelihood. And our joint agreement as friends was to at least, get our Master’s degrees. So far, so good.

DBM: Are you in a relationship?

Akos: Yes!

DBM: And he knows you keep other men company for money?

Akos: He does

DBM: He’s okay with it?

Akos: He actually supports my work. He understands the importance of making a man feel chirpy and cheerful.

DBM: How did you meet?

Akos: He was a client, and he fell in love with me. He says, with me he feels desired and wanted. And I give him more than just sex.

DBM: What could be more than sex?

Akos: Pleasure

DBM: Was he single when you first met?

Akos: He is not married.

DBM: Okay?

Akos: I work very hard, so he helps me to relax and feel good about myself.

DBM: What does he do for a living?

Akos: He’s a medical doctor

DBM: Help me understand how he gets to be okay with the type of work you do

Akos: After he expressed interest in me, I asked him how many people he had had sex with. His answer was more than 80.

DBM: When was this?

Akos: 2017

DBM: And, how old was he?

Akos: 33

DBM: How many men had you slept with by then?

Akos: Probably half of his figure.

DBM: Are you in love with him?

Akos: I think so

DBM: Do you always give in to his sexual demands?

Akos: No! It’s not everyday that I find him sexually appetizing. But I am always the one who comes back and suggests we fuck, after the no.

DBM: Is he also sleeping with other people?

Akos: He is, but it’s commitment-free with them. He is constantly checking out other ladies and flirting excessively with them. He loves getting close to pretty girls.

DBM: It doesn’t bother you?

Akos: I’m okay with the fact that he makes time for me. He answers the phone any time I call; even when he’s on top of another woman – he will answer my call. He returns home to me at the end of the day; he is interested in my life and what I do with it; he adds so much more than depth and bliss to my 24/7 living. He understands and receives my love and care for him; he’s present to me during hard times; he pays attention to my concerns, always encouraging me to chase after my dreams; we love to discus our sexual exploits after we’ve been with different people; he understands I love being in the company of different men, and he contributes a lot to our relationship and home. What else do I want? He makes me laugh.

DBM: So, he’s emotionally available to you?

Akos: He opens up to me. He’s made me see him and know him for who he is. He’s introduced me to his mother and brothers; he includes my opinions in his thought processes and I think he trusts me.

DBM: Do you trust him?

Akos: I can count on the fact that he’s going to screw up, but he’s also the kind of man who is going to dust himself off after messing up just to make it right by me. We’re both freaking out about our feelings for each other, but the thing is there.

DBM: What thing?

Akos: Love.

DBM: How did he introduce you to his family

Akos: He just said, this is the lady I can’t stop thinking about

DBM: That’s sweet

Akos: Dave, I love myself enough to want to love this guy. I believe in true love, and I think when my man stares right in my face, I see love in his eyes if I don’t look the other way. I used to be scared of falling in love.

DBM: What about love scared you?

Akos: I didn’t know how to place myself in a vulnerable situation where I could be easily hurt. I was also skeptical about getting what I had always hoped for, and probably messing it all up. What I share with this guy is everything that I’ve ever imagined for my soul mate. He gets me, and I get him.

DBM: Is marriage something of interest to the both of you?

Akos: No! He’s already adding value to my life. Marriage will only complicate things for me

DBM: How so?

Akos: I am not sexually exclusive to him; I don’t have eyes for only him. My crazy imaginations and sexual intimacies are not with only him.

DBM: How about children?

Akos: I don’t want any. He has a child though.

DBM: At what age did you start being with other men?

Akos: Early twenties.

DBM: Your family is aware of what you do?

Akos: They know I own a beauty shop.

DBM: What has been your worst experience with a client?

Akos: I was booked by a murderer who wasn’t interested in any bullshit cuddling; just wild, nasty, sweaty sex for an hour. He gave me a bag full of money after he finished; it was weird for someone to pay so much money for an hour. The following week, I read in the newspaper about his arrest for killing his girlfriend the afternoon of the evening we met.

DBM: What was his story?

Akos: His girlfriend had cheated on him with his best friend.

DBM: How did that make you feel?

Akos: I took out my sexual frustration on my boyfriend and fucked him till we broke the bed.

DBM: How is that therapeutic?

Akos: Rough sex can sometimes be my coping mechanism. It helps me heal and find peace from moment to moment.

DBM: When a client is ugly, or a total turn off, how do you manage?

Akos: Money talks, and fortunately for me, I speak its language

DBM: Does your job have any effect on the intimate relationship you have with your boyfriend?

Akos: I fake orgasms with most of the clients. I reach real orgasm with my man

DBM: Does it ever get boring?

Akos: With clients?

DBM: Yes

Akos: It happens; it comes with the territory

DBM: What’s your long-term goal?

Akos: I have plans to retire, and have established a lifetime income stream that equals my expenses. I also have a few investments and rental properties.

DBM: Does the thought of contracting an STI never occur to you?

Akos: I practice safe sex and personal hygiene

DBM: What if the condom slips off or tears during intercourse?

Akos: I take numerous showers every day; I wash my lower body with water after sex of any kind. I always urinate and wash the outside of my vagina with water. And luckily for me, my general practitioner is the guy I wake up next to, every morning.

DBM: If you could go back in time to choose a future career all over again…

Akos: My experience with men has taught me that, guys are generally not good with their own feelings. And women are not entirely naïve about what our men want from us. I like getting paid to provide comfort, warmth and care. I feel good when a client tells me, I’ve brought him to order. It’s not an easy job to opt for; it requires more thought in order not to take a step in the wrong direction.

DBM: Do you always say yes to a job order?

Akos: I don’t put needless pressure on myself because of money. I have said no a lot of the time for safety’s sake. I protect my time and energy when I decline these clients.

DBM: Do you think a man will ever be content with one woman?

Akos: A man whose desire to protect surges when he thinks about the one person he cares about, will shield his love interest from any form of pain. They will never consider deliberately wounding their spouse, because they know their wives deserve better. These are the kinds of men women should go for – because they’re content with what they see in them.

DBM: Are you happy with your life and the choices you’ve made thus far?

Akos: For me, it’s the littlest things that makes me feel happy; when I am able to spot the positive in a situation; when I win a new client over and he’s unable to stop smiling; when I am able to overcome a challenge; the fact that I can forgive myself for my mistakes; when I am able to try something new that freaks me out at the same time; and when I give myself so much love.

Image Credit: Bella Zhong

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