Pursuit Of Happiness
Armstrong: I’m considering leaving my wife but I don’t know how to explain my decision to her
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Explain your decision to me
Armstrong: That’s the problem Dave; I don’t have a legal reason. Can a man leave his wife without providing concrete reasons?
DBM: Yes, legally, a man or woman can just wake up one morning and pack up and leave or file for divorce. I’ve had conversations in the past with men and women who did that and the courts granted them divorce.
Armstrong: What kind of divorce did they file?
DBM: I don’t remember exactly but I know someone once mentioned a ‘no-fault divorce’ or something like that. Would you want me to post this conversation on my platform?
Armstrong: Yes, but anonymously.
DBM: Of course. I’m certain the lawyers who often comment on my cases would educate us on these types of filings.
Armstrong: Thank you Dave
DBM: How long have you been married?
Armstrong: I don’t want to give details about my marriage. My wife might read this
DBM: She follows my page?
Armstrong: I don’t know. Women follow your page. That’s all I know
DBM: You have children?
Armstrong: Yes. Don’t ask me how many or their ages
DBM: Why do you want to divorce your wife?
Armstrong: I told you already, I don’t know
DBM: You know!
Armstrong: Lol. There’s no reason. She’s not done anything wrong to me.
DBM: What have you done wrong then?
Armstrong: Lol.
DBM: Because there is rarely ‘no reason’ if we’re to touch on the emotional and psychological subject of it.
Armstrong: I am not happy
DBM: You’re not happy with?
Armstrong: I don’t know Dave
DBM: You know!
Armstrong: Lol. Stop saying I know
DBM: You know! If I am not happy, I may not be happy with myself, my life, my partner, marriage or a particular circumstance. You can’t just say you’re not happy.
Armstrong: I am not happy
DBM: What do you feel is that long-term underlying issue shifting your marriage in the quiet?
Armstrong: I don’t have an answer that would make sense to you.
DBM: Unmet needs?
Armstrong: She meets my needs
DBM: Okay! So, then what are some of the emotions you’re not bold enough to speak about with her? Because you’re clearly emotionally distant, no?
Armstrong: Yes
DBM: Are you happy with your life?
Armstrong: I have a good career. I love my children. I’m happy being a father. I would flourish being a single dad and not a husband.
DBM: And not a husband to your wife or generally being a husband to anyone?
Armstrong: Being a husband to my wife
DBM: Do you find your wife attractive?
Armstrong: I used to
DBM: Why don’t you anymore?
Armstrong: There’s no explanation. Before you ask, there is no new side-chick in the waiting. I’m not seeing anyone. Dave, I just want to be single. I want to be single. I don’t want to be married anymore. I’m not happy
DBM: What would make you happy?
Armstrong: If I’m divorced
DBM: Do you feel safe at home?
Armstrong: What do you mean?
DBM: Do you feel safe around your wife?
Armstrong: Yes, but I don’t want it anymore
DBM: Do you feel seen by your wife?
Armstrong: Sometimes
DBM: Do you feel your wife understands you, as a man in her life?
Armstrong: I don’t know. I don’t care
DBM: When was the last time you had sex with your wife?
Armstrong: I’m not answering that question
DBM: Are you getting sex from another person?
Armstrong: I’m not answering that question
DBM: Do you fancy spending time with your wife?
Armstrong: No
DBM: Do you fancy spending time with your family?
Armstrong: I love spending time with my children.
DBM: This is what I’ve deduced thus far: you might be a good man but not necessarily a great partner to your wife, no?
Armstrong: I’m a good person
DBM: But not good enough for your wife
Armstrong: I am not the husband she deserves
DBM: Have you cheated on your wife before?
Armstrong: Yes
DBM: But you’re not considering leaving your wife for another woman?
Armstrong: Not at the moment. I just want to be single
DBM: Are you sexually compatible with your wife?
Armstrong: Yes
DBM: How about physical intimacy?
Armstrong: I just answered you. We have good sex
DBM: Intimacy isn’t about sex. Good sex is just a complementary factor to build a marriage on easily.
Armstrong: We’re intimate
DBM: Does your marriage burden you?
Armstrong: I think we’re going round and round with your questions. You’re repeating questions with different words.
DBM: I am not. How old are you?
Armstrong: In my 40s
DBM: At what point did you stop being intentional about your marriage?
Armstrong: When she was pregnant with our second child
DBM: What happened?
Armstrong: I don’t want to talk about it
DBM: What happened to you when she was pregnant with your second child?
Armstrong: I fell in love with someone else
DBM: Where is this other person now?
Armstrong: Dead
DBM: What happened to her?
Armstrong: I don’t know
DBM: Let’s talk about your wife
Armstrong: I don’t want to talk about her
DBM: Why not?
Armstrong: I don’t want to talk about her
DBM: Okay then! Would you want to discuss how your decision would make her feel?
Armstrong: She has to understand
DBM: Let’s assume you tell her you want out, and she doesn’t, and would want to fight for her marriage; what would be the way forward?
Armstrong: The way forward wouldn’t be with me. I want to be single
DBM: Why did you get married to her?
Armstrong: I was in love. I don’t know
DBM: Have you considered seeing a marriage counselor?
Armstrong: Yes
DBM: And?
Armstrong: It’s a waste of time. It wouldn’t change how I am feeling
DBM: But have you made the attempt to see one?
Armstrong: No. I know I will be happy if I am no longer married
DBM: Where do you see happiness?
Armstrong: My next chapter should be a happy place
DBM: Just be careful about placing your happiness to an unknown destination. We men very much are addicted to the high of finding our happy spots somewhere else. Yes, your next chapter could be your happy place, but happiness isn’t somewhere else. Happiness is where you are, and until you sit to seriously analyze your choices, you may never appreciate the happiness in where you find yourself today.
Armstrong: Gotta go Dave. Thanks for chatting
Image Credit: Savia Rocks
