Love Equation
Dolly: I was married to my ex-husband for two years before readily giving him away to the woman he sometimes woke up in the middle of his sleep, at dawn, looked at me, and addressed me by her name. He would be talking to her in a native language that I initially thought was a made-up language because he was sleep talking. The first time he did that was on our honeymoon. He was snoring heavily next to me in bed. The next thing I knew, he was trying to pitch a brilliant business idea to the name he had called out. The same name he always addressed me by in his sleep.
He sang love songs a couple of times in his sleep to the same name, which I sometimes thought was cute. I wasn’t jealous, not once, because I understood what it meant to be loved by a man. She was his soul mate. He considered her, even in his sleep. Mentioning her name in his sleep wasn’t just an error. He was accounting for her relevance and existence in his life. David, the truth is, another man’s existence was part of my own intentions. I loved my ex-husband, but I was not in love with him. The man I was in love with had married another woman he was having a child with. My ex-husband was just an afterthought filling a void in my heart. I wasn’t ready to date another man but he insisted on courting me. I didn’t think I had anything to lose, so I went along with it.
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): How did you confirm this other woman was real?
Dolly: He woke up one dawn, sleep walking in the bedroom. I was pregnant with our daughter. I kept quiet and just watched him moving to and fro in the middle of the night. He came back to bed and started to snore. I picked his phone, unlocked it and searched for the name of the lady. I read their text and email exchanges. He wasn’t cheating on me with her, but I realized they had a history together. I kept quiet about what I had discovered till he had another episode at dawn. He was asking her if she still loved him. I woke up and whispered to him, ‘would you like to be in a relationship with me’? He went quiet for a minute and then responded, ‘I have to tell my wife about you.’
DBM: Did he remember any of these when he woke up?
Dolly: No, but I had to bring it up. He told me all I needed to know about her and what he felt for her. I asked for her phone number and he gave it to me. I met and had lunch with her and told her about how he babbles about her in his sleep and all his feelings for her. She giggled while I laughed. I found out that though she was the one who had broken up with him, she factored him into a love equation he hadn’t asked her to solve. They were meant to be, and I could understand that. After the birth of our daughter, I asked for divorce. They’re my friends now and we are actively working together for the success of our daughter. The three of us share the responsibility for raising and parenting our children. He is happily married to the other lady and they have two kids of their own together.
Image Credit: Cottonbro
