Step-parenting – David B

Explained With A Venn Diagram

Written by David B on July 24, 2026. Posted in Blog. Leave a Comment

Prosper: I have an incredible story to share

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Tell me. Tell me. Tell me

Prosper: This week marks my 18^th cohabitation anniversary.

DBM: With your partner?

Prosper: I wouldn’t call her ‘my partner’ because we’re not shacking up in the bedroom. She was supposed to move in with me temporarily because she’s still married to her husband.

DBM: Huh?

Prosper: I’ve been living with a married woman and her daughter for 18 years.

DBM: Explain with a Venn diagram

Prosper: Hahaha. According to her, there was abuse and serial cheating and she had to make the difficult decision to leave her marriage. She had been married for nine years, thrown herself into the relationship, given birth to two kids, a boy and a girl. After the 9^th year she realized how burned out she felt and did not have no more to give. She described her marriage as out of balance. So, she took her daughter one afternoon and run away.

DBM: Leaving the son behind?

Prosper: Yes

DBM: Does she know how the boy is doing today?

Prosper: No

DBM: Wow! Who are you to her?

Prosper: Best friend. We go way back. High school mates

DBM: High school sweethearts?

Prosper: No. High school mates. No strings attached

DBM: Nothing has happened between the two of you after running to you?

Prosper: Nothing has happened

DBM: Are you a married man?

Prosper: No

DBM: Dating someone?

Prosper: No

DBM: Do you like this friend staying with you?

Prosper: Yes

DBM: Does she like you as much?

Prosper: Yes

DBM: Have you kissed?

Prosper: I wish. No

DBM: Define your friendship

Prosper: I love her. I am in love with her and this secret lives in my head as I’ve never expressed it to her or anyone else. I know she admires me too.

DBM: You admire her in the romantic sense?

Prosper: Yes. She brightens my day. But I have been curious about something

DBM: What?

Prosper: Why would a married woman just pack her bags and leave her whole life behind for 18 years and not look back?

DBM: We know the man or woman we marry. We do not know the person we separate from or divorce later on in the marriage.

Prosper: But why would she separate her own children in that manner?

DBM: Have you asked her?

Prosper: No

DBM: I’m guessing she asked herself whether or not she would be proud of her daughter if she were to find herself in a marriage like hers.

Prosper: I have a warm and lasting relationship with her daughter. She calls me father. I am in my step-father role. She comes to me for advice and is always thankful because I have been there for her and her mother all these years. I’ve been providing their needed security, love, conversation, friendship, hopefulness, trust, and anything they need to survive. It’s my little unconventional family I’ve built.

DBM: I don’t know what or how to feel about this. It’s kind of, tricky

Prosper: I feel the same way. What if she packs her things one day and just leaves?

DBM: You think about that?

Prosper: Every day

DBM: They’ve done 18 years with you. You are definitely bringing something valuable to the table.

Prosper: Dave, do you think this is going to have a happy ending?

DBM: Having feelings for another man’s wife is normal. Acting on those feelings is what I honestly do not know how to speak on. What you’ve described to be feeling for her seems to go beyond the bedroom. This kind of loving and intimate friendship is rare.

Prosper: I would have married her if she wasn’t married

DBM: I believe you. She has to do something about her marital status, if she’s that much into you too. Because at the moment, her marriage is still in your way.

Prosper: What would you have done?

DBM: I would have asked her to return to her husband and make a decision to leave him legally. It’s been 18 years. Believe me, her husband did not sit in waiting. This is how you know a married woman or man loves you and has every intention of being available and coming for you: by being willing to try to break free from whatever is holding her back – for your sake.

Prosper: Hmmm. When she first moved in with me, she said before that her husband would make divorce as difficult as possible if she ever tried to leave. He thinks it would wreck him financially. Staying with him was also causing her a lot of suffering.

DBM: Her family of orientation, do they know where she is?

Prosper: They don’t know where she lives, but she visits her parents and siblings with her daughter twice a year. They know she’s doing fine.

DBM: How are you getting laid since she’s not given you an official invitation?

Prosper: I find sex elsewhere. My sex drive is insane but it’s just sex. My house mate is my soul mate. She’s the woman of my dreams and the lady with whom I know we can have an expected life and have a family. She’s been the one person I have experienced true love, true romance and emotional intimacy, minus sex with. We meet our needs for conversation.

Image Credit: Cottonbro

Let’s Talk To Peggy

Written by David B on April 26, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 89: Peggy is my name

DBM: Hi Peggy. How would you describe yourself?

Peggy: Self-confident, very caring, true to myself, rarely bothered by what people say or think about me; never afraid to stand up for what I believe is right, super productive, extremely hopeful and a go-getter.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Peggy: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Peggy: I am still very new to this; I’ve been asked to raise another man’s daughter

DBM: Who asked you to?

Peggy: The mother of the child. She’s late

DBM: Was she sick?

Peggy: Cancer

DBM: Why would she ask of you to raise her child? Has she no family?

Peggy: Not all people feel a close connection to their families. I am certain that her family does not know where she lived; they didn’t know about her pregnancy or the child. She tried her best to fight the battle against cancer, but the chemotherapy process was overwhelming for her to cope. She left her daughter in my care when the doctor informed us that there was pretty much nothing they could do.

DBM: How old is the child?

Peggy: Five years

DBM: Where is her hometown?

Peggy: I don’t know. We were friends for six years, and she never talked to me about her family. She was one of my close friends.

DBM: How was the daughter left in your care?

Peggy: I was at work when one of the staff showed up in my office with her. I asked why she was in my office all by herself, and she said her mother picked her up from school, put a letter addressed to me in her bag, dropped her at my office gate and just left.

DBM: What was in the letter?

Peggy: Authorization to raise her daughter as my own. There was also the name of the child’s father, his contact information and picture.

DBM: The child has a dad. That’s good then, no?

Peggy: Yeah! But the signed letter stated that, I could contact the father to come for her if I felt I couldn’t raise her all by myself.

DBM: Has the father been in the daughter’s life?

Peggy: Not that I know of. He wanted my friend to abort the pregnancy, but she kept it and broke things off with him. He is a married man though. He doesn’t know he has a child.

DBM: Wait, do you want to keep this child?

Peggy: I am considering it

DBM: Why?

Peggy: I am her God-mother. She’s known me all her life, and she loves me. She loves staying at my house.

DBM: How did you hear about her mother’s demise?

Peggy: In the letter, she asked me not to text her phone because she’d deleted all conversation histories and cleared all contacts and call history. She asked me only to call her phone once a month. I called because her daughter wanted to speak to her, but I heard wailing in the background. Whoever answered the phone told me she had passed on.

DBM: How long after dropping her daughter on you?

Peggy: Two days. Her family called back to ask if I knew anything about their deceased daughter

DBM: What did you tell them?

Peggy: Not much

DBM: You mentioned their granddaughter by any chance?

Peggy: No!

DBM: Hmmm!

Peggy: I don’t think I am ‘stealing’ her. Her mother specifically asked me to keep her if I wanted to.

DBM: And you want to?

Peggy: I want to

DBM: Does this kid know her mother is dead?

Peggy: I haven’t told her anything yet.

DBM: When do you plan to?

Peggy: Not anytime soon

DBM: Would this be your first parenting job?

Peggy: Yes

DBM: Do you have any idea as to what you are getting yourself into, in terms of buying groceries, cooking, paying fees and bills, taxiing her to and from school, assisting with homework, helping her nod off to sleep, being a step-mother, etc.?

Peggy: I know how hard it would be, but I can do it.

DBM: I see. Tell me about your plans for the child

Peggy: I am in the process of moving to a really nice neighborhood. My new house is in a safe and respected area, with excellent schools. I want her to grow up with friends who value education.

DBM: I like the sound of that; a great way for her to socially connect

Peggy: Exactly! She naturally loves to read, which is a good thing. Her mother was an avid reader. I am a mathematical genius, so I have started teaching her math skills. I want her to be great in both worlds. I want her to be poised in her capacity to learn and solve problems.

DBM: You really are up for the challenge, huh?

Peggy: I want to try the best I can for her so she can manage her emotions

DBM: Are you financially prepared for this new responsibility?

Peggy: I am intentional about my saving and spending habits. I have always done the best I could to financially prepare me for my future family. I am ready for this.

DBM: I don’t know what to even say; I am happy for you? Lol!

Peggy: You can be happy for me, Dave. It’s scary, but exciting at the same time.

DBM: Well, I commend you not only for the bold step taken, but also your way of approaching this whole challenge.

Peggy: Thank you, sir.

DBM: What is your biggest fear in all this?

Peggy: I have the perfect idea of the kind of future I want for her. I want my baby girl to grow into a strong and independent lady. My only fear is, maybe pushing her so hard when my fantasies about her doesn’t overlap with her interests and tendencies.

DBM: You want my candid opinion?

Peggy: Of course

DBM: Encourage your daughter to study and grow to forge her own path. Allow her to show you who she really is, as a person, before you start putting your own ideas on her.

Peggy: ❤ I’ve got to put my daughter to sleep.

DBM: Alright! Good night!

Image Credit: Kampus Production

Tag: Step-parenting

Explained With A Venn Diagram

Let’s Talk To Peggy

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