Tag: Struggle

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 122: My name is Yumna

DBM: Hello Yumna. How would you describe yourself?

Yumna: I’m a survivor

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Yumna: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Yumna: When I was 15 years, I was raped by my mother’s boyfriend. We were staying in the Pretoria Moot area. It’s a neighborhood supposed to be having a strong sense of community, yet get raped as a young girl and see who would jump to your defense or be a safe space to turn for help. I couldn’t speak out against my perpetrator; no one would have believed me, not even my mother. The perception of me out there wasn’t great, simply because I loved to dress and look pretty. Dave, I feel more comfortable wearing short skirts than wearing any other kind/type of shorts or trousers. I was able to move around freely, especially in crowded places. That was my crime 17 years ago, because I decided to wear a mini-skirt and a cropped top to go partying with my friends. My biggest fear was getting shunned and blamed for something I did not do, and that’s what he would have done – telling my mother I tried seducing him. Because he was loved in the community, and respected by my mum. I was conditioned and threatened to keep quiet about it. And so, I did. Long story short, he married my mother and got away with it.

DBM: Who else knows about what he did to you?

Yumna: It’s not a story I could easily come forward to share, partly due to the shame attached to it. I ended up blaming myself even though I knew I didn’t do anything to deserve what he did to me.

DBM: This must have been really tough for you!

Yumna: David, time did not in any way heal this wound. Rape is an unfortunate experience that no lady can just pretend to live through. I had to go through it, the trauma, the fear and shock, the disappointment and hurt; all those feelings of failing myself – I had to feel them. It burdened me until the feelings kind of, run out eventually. That was my only way out of driving myself crazy.

DBM: I’m so sorry this happened

Yumna: It’s past. I just want to share how far I have come since that incident, to encourage any girl feeling like a failure.

DBM: How far have you come?

Yumna: I’m a Registered Nurse working in the Cardiac ICU at the Lenmed Ethekwini Hospital and Heart Centre, located in Durban, South Africa.

DBM: Oh, nice!

Yumna: And, I’m very proud of myself

DBM: You should be.

Yumna: I run away from home, four or five days after the incident. I didn’t feel safe in my mother’s house because he had moved in to stay with us. He had his own house, but after what he did, I don’t know the discussions he had with my mum, they decided to rent his place out so it could serve as another source of income for the home. When I realized he would be sleeping over at mum’s, I run and never looked back.

DBM: Run to where?

Yumna: I had money saved, so I went to one of my father’s sisters at Sebokeng. My mother didn’t like this particular aunt, and so I knew her home would be the last place my mum would come searching for me. After narrating my ordeal to her, she promised not to call either of my parents. I was enrolled into a new academic programme at a different school.

DBM: How was life in general for you at Sebokeng?

Yumna: It was a different kind of nightmare. My aunt was a sex worker, and though it wasn’t a job she was proud of, it was the means through which food was put on my plate. She made sure I was devoid of any real exposure to the inner workings of her profession. And she reminded me to do better than her in life, so I can be sending her money when I grew up.

DBM: Where is she now?

Yumna: She died when I turned 29

DBM: Did she have a family of her own?

Yumna: I was her only family. She never married nor had children. She was of the opinion that marriage would restrict her freedom to be.

DBM: What is the relationship between you and your mother now?

Yumna: There is no relationship

DBM: And your dad?

Yumna: We’re very cool

DBM: He knew about your whereabouts when you left your mum’s?

Yumna: No. They all got to see me for the first time in a long time at my aunt’s funeral.

DBM: Do you miss your aunt?

Yumna: She was the mother I never had. She did not have an easy life. Her reputation may have stunk in the community, but she was humble and very generous. Most of those who talked bad about her did not know about her graciousness and kindness. She worked long hours just to pay for my education. Though her line of work may not be what I’d ordinarily subscribe to, she used her services to find me opportunities. Some of her clients were directors and managers of scholarship trusts. She traded what she could offer for scholarships to enable me through my education. She serviced the right clients for my breakthroughs. I studied hard to maintain every opportunity she brought my way. And interestingly, none of her clients made advances at me – to return the favor.

DBM: Were you able to make it up to her?

Yumna: I did. She moved in with me till her death. She died of HIV.

DBM: How do you feel about everything that has happened to you thus far?

Yumna: My life so far has been a journey. It has not been easy for me but everything I have gone through has contributed to where I am today. I will smile in spite of all the odds I am bound to experience on this new path I’m on. I see my life today to be good because I’ve been striving to live consciously with each day’s challenges. My aunt may have been a prostitute but she had something special to give me. Whoever comes your way has something to offer you – that is, if you’re open to receiving it. I’m living through life, loving and learning from it.

Image Credit: Laura James