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Selective Amnesia

Tyson: My wife and I moved into our new neighborhood barely ten months ago and we are still settling in and slowly making new friends. Dave, a month and a half ago, I returned from work to something seriously bizarre. My neighbor’s daughter was in my living room with my wife, waiting for me. The moment I entered, she stood up, mentioned my name, and then in the presence of my wife told me she was pregnant. I was very shocked because I do not know this young girl.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Just like that?

Tyson: Just like that

DBM: I don’t believe you. You know her, one way or the other.

Tyson: This is where you sometimes get it wrong Dave. You’re quick to judge a man unfairly. What man do man? I swear on my mother’s life. I do not know this girl. I have not spoken to her before. I have not touched her before.

DBM: How old is she?

Tyson: She’s a teenager

DBM: Early or late teens?

Tyson: 16 or 17 I believe

DBM: What do you mean by you don’t know her? You’ve seen her before, no? She’s the neighbor’s daughter.

Tyson: I don’t know her. I have never spoken to her before. It’s her father and mother I usually greet on my way out.

DBM: That’s strange

Tyson: And scary

DBM: What was your initial reaction when you were greeted with this information?

Tyson: I laughed at first because she wasn’t making any sense to me. I reacted instead of responding. But when I realized she was dead serious on pinning her pregnancy on me, I was stunned, and terrified all at once. I do not know this girl from anywhere. Secondly, I play away matches only. I’m not that stupid to be playing matches from home.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Tyson: 3 years

DBM: How old are you?

Tyson: 42

DBM: What was your wife’s response?

Tyson: She was as confused as I was

DBM: When you make reference to ‘playing away matches’, does it mean you cheat on your wife?

Tyson: Sometimes

DBM: How has this changed things between you and your wife?

Tyson: My wife doesn’t know whom to believe and I am really not ready for this kind of event. At first, I thought she was lying about being pregnant but a test was done and she is pregnant. Her parents believe her story and are expecting me to take responsibility. That pregnancy isn’t mine.

DBM: What do you think she’s trying to achieve by falsely accusing you of something you claim you did not do?

Tyson: I claim I did not do? Really, Dave. Smh.

DBM: Men like you, I know how you think. You know how to conveniently forget specific events or your own hurtful actions while remembering almost everything else. You are experts in gaslighting your wives when they catch you in an act. You can manage to someway; somehow rewrite a situation you created for your wife to doubt her own reality of what she knows and believe you did.

Tyson: You’re wrong about me. I do not understand what she’s up to but she’s playing on my nerves. I’ve demanded for a DNA test.

DBM: When was the last time you had sex with anyone outside of your marriage?

Tyson: More than two months ago

DBM: With whom?

Tyson: An old flame

DBM: Prior to that, when last did you have sex with someone different?

Tyson: 3 months ago.

DBM: With whom?

Tyson: A girl I met at a party

DBM: What’s her name?

Tyson: I don’t remember

DBM: Why don’t you remember?

Tyson: Because she was a complete stranger. One thing led to another and …

DBM: And?

Tyson: We had sex

DBM: How was it?

Tyson: The sex?

DBM: Yes

Tyson: It wasn’t mind blowing. I don’t think I remember the details of it

DBM: Why not?

Tyson: Drank too much vodka soda

DBM: Was it protected sex?

Tyson: Always

DBM: What did the girl look like?

Tyson: How would I know?

DBM: Was she tall, short, slender, dark in complexion, etc.?

Tyson: Shit

DBM: What?

Image Credit: Ekam Juneja

Let’s Talk To Keith

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 78: Keith

DBM: Hello Keith. How would you describe yourself?

Keith: I am a DJ with an Accra-based FM station. I like inspiring people to get up and dance. It puts a smile on my face

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Keith: I would have said 9, but because of the trouble I find myself in now, I’d say 3

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Keith: I have impregnated a 17-year-old girl, and her parents are threatening to get me arrested

DBM: How old are you?

Keith: In my mid-to-late thirties

DBM: Did you know of her age before being physical with her?

Keith: No! We met at a night club, clicked and had our first sex in my car. We exchanged numbers, and she would arrange to fuck with me, once or twice in a week.

DBM: Where were you meeting to do this?

Keith: I have a place

DBM: Is that where you live?

Keith: No! But I used to live there

DBM: I’d want to believe I would know a teenager when I meet one. Couldn’t you tell her age by just looking at her?

Keith: Dave, she looks way older than she actually is. Also, when we met at the club, she had make-up on, and was wearing a wig and clothing that an adult would wear. She and her friends were acting mature. I could not tell the difference.

DBM: Were you two dating, prior to the pregnancy?

Keith: No! It was strictly sex. We weren’t talking with the intention of being in a relationship. It was simply fun we were having

DBM: Till she got pregnant

Keith: Yes. I hadn’t heard from her for two weeks, so I sent her a message. Her father called me, minutes after the message was read.

DBM: Are you single?

Keith: Not really

DBM: Not really, meaning?

Keith: I am not single. Whatever we did, she consented to it

DBM: Whereby consent means?

Keith: She agreed to have sex with me, and we both understood what we were agreeing to.

DBM: Everyone but minors have the right to make choices about sex. A minor cannot consent to any type of sexual activity. How long have you been having sex with this girl?

Keith: Almost a year

DBM: When was her 17th birth date?

Keith: I don’t know. We don’t discuss those things

DBM: To the best of my knowledge, Ghana’s statutory rape law is violated when you have consensual sexual contact with a person under the age of 16, I think.

Keith: I did not rape her

DBM: I am not saying you did. Being prosecuted for unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor has nothing to do with rape. If she was under 16 years, the night you first met at the club, then the situation you currently find yourself in could be termed a felony, as well as misdemeanor child molest.

Keith: I have all of our chat history on WhatsApp. She couldn’t have been less than 16 years, ten months ago

DBM: Okay! Have you spoken to the young lady?

Keith: Yes. She used her friend’s phone to call me. She warned me about her father’s decision to get me arrested. Her father has her phone

DBM: What information is her dad working with to track you down?

Keith: He has my phone number and full name.

DBM: How did he get to know your name?

Keith: I think he used the mobile money transaction process. He sent me 1 Cedi

DBM: Did you ask of her actual age when she called?

Keith: Yes. She was 17 in February

DBM: 2023?

Keith: Yes, this year. Do you think she can be forced to lie about me?

DBM: Lie about what?

Keith: Maybe, rape or something

DBM: Did you rape her?

Keith: No!

DBM: If she does not want to falsely testify against you, then she cannot be forced to. These situations are rarely investigated by the police, unless someone reports it to them.

Keith: Her father might

DBM: So, get your story straight. What’s going through your mind right now?

Keith: Hmmm! I can’t even focus at work

DBM: What are you going to do about the pregnancy?

Keith: I am not ready for it

DBM: Do you have any idea what her parents might be going through right now? The flood of emotions, from shock to being disappointed in her; to grief and worry about her future

Keith: Yeah

DBM: How is the girl managing through all this?

Keith: I don’t know

DBM: What do you really know?

Keith: She said she will contact me when tempers calm at home. Do you think I am going to be pressured into an unwanted marriage?

DBM: Did it not ever occur to you that you were placing yourself, and that of the girl at risk of an STI, HIV or an unwanted pregnancy – while engaging in unprotected sex?

Keith: I thought she was taking emergency contraception like the others

DBM: Which others?

Keith: 😜

DBM: I see

Keith: Dave, can we meet over lunch somewhere to talk? I need someone to talk to

DBM: I would love to, but I am currently not available for a face-to-face. Sorry. Please keep me updated whatever happens

Keith: Will do. Thanks

DBM: You’re welcome!

Image Credit: Marcus Silva

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