Tough decisions – David B

Break Time

Written by David B on February 26, 2026. Posted in Blog.

Anna: Hello David

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Hey! How are you doing?

Anna: Not fine

DBM: What would make your day a bit fine?

Anna: I’m not sure at the moment

DBM: What’s on your mind?

Anna: I am being tempted to harm my husband. I want to hurt him so bad

DBM: We are not going to do that

Anna: Dave, if I am to tell you what he’s done

DBM: We’re still not going on that evil route. What will make you not execute that thought?

Anna: If I’m out of the house

DBM: Great! So, that’s what we’re going to plan. Are you open to that?

Anna: Yes

DBM: You have children?

Anna: Yes.

DBM: How old?

Anna: 7 and 9

DBM: Do you work?

Anna: Yes

DBM: What is your relationship like with your employer?

Anna: We’ve developed a meaningful one

DBM: Okay! Do you have a car?

Anna: I do

DBM: Do you have a personal rainy-day fund set aside for emergencies?

Anna: I have a personal savings account.

DBM: That your husband doesn’t know of?

Anna: Yes

DBM: You’re a smart woman. Marriage can be very complicated; reasons why I hope every woman would maintain a separate bank account even after opening a joint one with their partners for shared bills and other household purchases. You maintain that sense of financial independence. You also feel empowered, knowing you have claims to your own money.

Anna: I agree with you

DBM: How many days do you think you would need to clear your head?

Anna: Three weeks. Maybe, a month. I don’t know

DBM: Do you have the perfect excuse in your head that you feel your employers can buy into – to give you days off?

Anna: Not really. I don’t want to discuss my marital issues with people I know

DBM: Understood. Do you have any medical doctor friends?

Anna: I know of two

DBM: Two that you are close to?

Anna: I am very close to one. The other is just a friend of a friend.

DBM: Would the one you’re close to be willing to authenticate a report or note to excuse you from work for a month?

Anna: She would want to know why I need a fake report for work

DBM: Can you trust her with your problems?

Anna: Maybe.

DBM: You’re considering harming your husband. That is a mental health issue. At least, you know what you’re working with. Help her find reason in supporting your claim for a month off-work. She can come up with the perfect note to address the burnout you’re currently feeling.

Anna: Ok

DBM: Everything is going to be alright

Anna: How do you know?

DBM: I just know.

Anna: I was really going to poison his drink or meal. He would have been placed in a medically induced coma and never woken up from it. My husband has broken my heart, Dave, and I am willing to make his heart stop.

DBM: But how are you able to get your hands on such chemicals?

Anna: A friend of mine who is a nurse gave me options to choose from. They know the types of solutions to use for these kinds of assignments to remove the brute strength of a toxic, philandering man from the equation. And it can be difficult to detect their cause of death.

DBM: I see. If you’re able to secure a date for your one-month absence from work, where do you intend to go?

Anna: I’m not even sure. Maybe the Volta or Western Regions. I also have a visa to travel to two countries. I could choose that option.

DBM: Perfect. So, two or three days before you leave, cook as much food for the house. Store your soups and stews in the freezer. Prepare enough sauces, stews and soups to last for at least, three weeks. Fry or grill enough proteins to accompany the sauces. Your husband can cook rice, no?

Anna: Yes

DBM: Make food present at home in your absence.

Anna: I will do that.

DBM: Do their laundry before leaving. Including that of your husband’s

Anna: David, you’re asking too much of me

DBM: He is your husband

Anna: I do not consider him as my husband anymore

DBM: But legally, he is, no?

Anna: Yes

DBM: He is your husband. You will do his laundry too. And if possible, iron his clothes for work.

Anna: I will think about that.

DBM: You’d have to do a general cleaning of the house. Leave the house in a clean state.

Anna: I will try. I want to take the kids along

DBM: No! You’re leaving them behind

Anna: I can’t do that

DBM: You can and you will. Your mind and soul need a holiday. This is the perfect opportunity to stop doing for others, so you can delight yourself and best interest instead. Your children fall in the category of ‘others’. It’s time to enjoy your own good company. This should also help you to put your marriage on a plate to see if it’s really over. You will see more clearly and hear your inner witness more keenly. You will know the truth and the truth will set your heart at peace.

Anna: It’s the leaving my children behind part that is unsettling.

DBM: Is your husband a good father to his children?

Anna: Yes

DBM: Do you believe he knows what is good for his children and would act accordingly?

Anna: Yes

DBM: Do you trust that he has the well-being of his own children at heart?

Anna: Yes

DBM: And do your children know that no matter what you will do or have done, there is nothing in this world that would diminish your love for them?

Anna: I think so

DBM: Great! So, you are doing this without your children, no?

Anna: Yes.

DBM: Before you leave that day, write a simple note on a piece of paper. Lay your matrimonial bed and leave the note on top of it. You don’t need to detail the specifics of your decision to be absent from home for whatever number of days. Just let him know you need a bit of space between the two of you. Indicate when you’re returning and also tell him about the numerous dishes you’ve prepared for them in storage. Take a picture of the note on the bed and take pictures also of all the meals you will prepare and store. Some men can lie just to throw you under the bus. Have proof on your phone in case he decides to lie to family and friends about you leaving the children behind without food. He will also tell people you left without telling him.

Anna: Thank you, David.

Image Credit: Abstract Photos

Let’s Talk To Hera

Written by David B on July 3, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 138: Hera

DBM: Hi Hera. How would you describe yourself?

Hera: Troubled wife

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Hera: Six

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Hera: My husband is excited about something that is obviously, pissing me off. And he’s acting as if he doesn’t see that I’m against his decision. He wants to leave his job to start a pig farm. He has a stable income, which combined with mine supports our household. But he wants to drop all that to farm pigs. Is this not a risky move?

DBM: Why does he want to go into farming?

Hera: He was raised in a farming family. I get all that, but does that mean he has to be a farm-boy? My husband holds an MSc in Finance and Financial Analytics and ACCA certification. We have two children in High School. Why isn’t he considering all that before quitting his job? Is this some mid-life crises men go through?

DBM: He’s just passionate about his love for farming. It has nothing to do with mid-life crises

Hera: We have a lot of financial commitments and responsibilities in our household. How about that?

DBM: You think he’s not thought through all that?

Hera: He clearly has not. I’m trying so hard not to get angry at him but he’s not making it easier. He was drafting his resignation letter some days ago. He is not ready to listen to my point of view.

DBM: A man’s dream is what would sometimes inspire him to wake up one morning to resign from his job, in order to push what he believes in. At the moment, you’re choosing to see only the negatives in his decision but he sees otherwise. He sees something positive in the negative decision he’s about taking at work.

Hera: I am his wife; what if I do not want him to quit his day job?

DBM: Does he enjoy his current job?

Hera: It pays the bills and keeps the home running and comfy

DBM: That wasn’t my question

Hera: He’s complained a few times in the past while in bed that his job makes him miserable, but he’s not a miserable man, Dave. Life is good

DBM: Are you okay being the one person in his life to be responsible for ‘killing’ his dream?

Hera: Pig farming is not a dream. It’s a hobby.

DBM: What do you do for a living?

Hera: I’m a Marketing Executive

DBM: What’s your take on entrepreneurship?

Hera: It’s not for me

DBM: I can respect that.

Hera: How do I talk sense into my husband?

DBM: Find out if he’s appropriately prepared and planned for himself and the family, before resigning from his job

Hera: I can answer that, he has not.

DBM: That is per your perspective. Maybe he has built or in the process of building a proper structure and system to fund his journey

Hera: Bra David, he has not. His plan is to depend on me to take up his responsibilities at home while he chases after his dream. What if the dream fails, then what?

DBM: Has he enough savings to fall back on?

Hera: We have something but that’s what he’s considering to use to start his project. I can foresee the end from the beginning

DBM: You’ve already cast his pursuit in a negative light. It’s discouraging

Hera: I can’t afford to suffer with my children at my age

DBM: There is a lot to love about pig farming. I used to help my dad on his pig farm, though I hated every bit of that experience. He’s an Economist by profession, and just like your husband, quit his job to go into full-time farming because that was what he was passionate about.

Hera: This marriage thing is not easy

DBM: Nothing in life is easy. It often takes four to five years for entrepreneurs to build a flourishing, maintainable business. It just doesn’t happen at a go

Hera: 4 to 5 years of hardship I cannot do. That’s what I’m trying to say

DBM: Talk to your husband

Hera: He does whatever he’s convinced to do

DBM: Has he any mentors in the farming business to shadow?

Hera: No

DBM: So, for you, everything is, no?

Hera: Because it’s a no.

DBM: How much money has he in the bank?

Hera: Close to 400, 000

DBM: Cedis?

Hera: Yes

DBM: Is this the savings you were talking about?

Hera: Part of it

DBM: Pig farming is capital intensive

Hera: That’s why I’m saying he’s going to fail at it because he lacks the capital.

DBM: How about suggesting to him to start a small-scale farming of the pigs as a side hustle, while he still has a job – to test the ground?

Hera: He is the type who wants to be present on the field to monitor everything. He finds it difficult trusting people. He would want to be on the farm himself

DBM: I am actually talking about a backyard something; small, convenient for him to take his time early mornings and evenings, or weekends to attend to

Hera: You know what pisses me off?

DBM: What?

Hera: He gets to have an affair in addition to all the problems he’s creating for our family

DBM: Let’s stick to the initial conversation, please!

Hera: I’m frustrated

DBM: I can feel that. Actually, come to think of it, you can kill two birds with a stone

Hera: How?

DBM: Allow your husband to be engaged in a different kind of ‘affair’, the pig farm. Encourage him to go after his dream on the side while he still works his day job. Motivate him to have a small-scale pig farm, either at home or somewhere else close by and fake your support in his dream. I see his fulltime job as his ‘marriage’ at this moment. Help him not to put your family at risk by encouraging a backyard affair. Are you understanding me?

Hera: I am

DBM: Be smart about it and protect your territory. Imaging serving yourself Fufu and groundnut soup with pork from your own backyard farm?

Hera: I will think about it.

DBM: I know friends who made similar mistakes, they quit their jobs before starting their dream businesses, and are regretting. Especially, those who were married and had children. It wasn’t easy for them. I’d rather start on a small scale while I still have a paying job to see whether or not the dream is viable and I can confidently persevere and enjoy while doing it as a full-time gig.

Hera: I agree.

DBM: Participant 137, Rhett, left a question for you: ‘Does everything in your life happen for a reason or you just find reasons after these things have happened?’

Hera: I believe everything happens for a reason. Well, with the exception of my husband quitting his damn job to go into pig farming. There is always something to gain from an experience. I’ve seen myself through painful and difficult situations that taught me very unpleasant lessons, but they were teachable moments, nonetheless. One door close, and there is a window somewhere else to throw me some light, no matter how small. I can survive anything while living for the moment.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Hera: You are being given the chance to make your one wish come true, what would it be?

Image Credit: Pew Nguyen

Let’s Talk To Stacy

Written by David B on March 1, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 58: My name is Stacy

DBM: Hi Stacy. How would you describe yourself?

Stacy: There is not much to say

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Stacy: 3

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Stacy: My cousin is pregnant for my husband. He told me about their relationship not long ago.

DBM: Why did he tell you?

Stacy: Because he realized I had been my happiest since finding out about her pregnancy.

DBM: Has she confirmed what your husband has made known to you?

Stacy: Yes!

DBM: What did she say?

Stacy: She said she was sorry

DBM: That was that?

Stacy: I couldn’t ask any more questions

DBM: Why?

Stacy: Dave, I still don’t know why

DBM: You cannot fix what you will not confront

Stacy: I know!

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Stacy: I don’t even know how I feel about them right now. My cousin has been my biggest encouragement throughout the years. She’s given me the best laughs and smiles anytime we were together. I don’t understand why they could do this to me.

DBM: How are you taking it all in at home with your husband?

Stacy: It’s not easy. I am heartbroken at this point. I am trying to stay strong for our marriage but it’s not getting me anywhere.

DBM: I don’t think it’s your place to be ‘strong’ for a spouse or significant other who has chosen to cheat on you.

Stacy: A lot of people look up to us and our marriage. My fear is disappointing them if I am to opt for a divorce.

DBM: How long are you willing to save face?

Stacy: Hmmm! But is it okay to walk away from an 11-year-old marriage?

DBM: What do you want to do?

Stacy: I don’t know for now.

DBM: You love him?

Stacy: I love my husband dearly, but I do not like what he’s done to our marriage. It’s a dealbreaker for me. I am concerned about our children and what others would say if I walk away.

DBM: Do you want to walk away?

Stacy: Yes!

DBM: Why?

Stacy: Because he broke our covenant, and I cannot trust him anymore. Dave, a lot of men have expressed interest in me, even with the knowledge of my marital status. The love and respect I have for my husband has been the enabling knock pushing other admirers away. Why couldn’t my husband show me the same measure of respect? I have chosen transparency in our marriage because I want to be honest with him through and through.

DBM: He’s been honest with you now, no?

Stacy: I don’t think I am willing to allow him to dust me with his dirt. I feel betrayed.

DBM: You can love someone enough to let them go

Stacy: I know, but who would want a mother of two kids?

DBM: Stacy, ‘a mother of two kids’ is also a whole package. You’re a good-looking woman, and there is someone to love on you wholeheartedly – without making you feel that because you’re a mother of two, something is inadequate about you.

Stacy: True!

DBM: Again, your husband did mess up but try not to judge him based on his worst day

Stacy: It’s actually not fair to say that to me. He had a choice to be disciplined

DBM: When it comes to love and its commitments, discipline is a MUST, and not a choice.

Stacy: Exactly, Dave. I equally get tempted to look elsewhere when situations in our marriage makes him less than the stellar man to hold up high. This is not the first time that I have been tempted to cut things off between us. This is not the first time I have been tempted to cheat on my husband because my gut was telling me he was entertaining another woman. I have been hanging in there, hoping our commitments to one another would get better.

DBM: So, he’s been unfaithful in the marriage before?

Stacy: Yes! He made me question my over-reactiveness and sensitivity. He made me believe I was misinterpreting everything. Cheating has never been worth it for me. I believe as a couple, we all do well when we decide to do better.

DBM: I concur!

Stacy: The grass has also looked greener on the other side for me, but…

DBM: I get you.

Stacy: And the reason why I am not willing to fight for this marriage any longer is that, my husband told my cousin I am a ‘decent’ woman – and will go to unusual lengths just to keep him and the marriage happy.

DBM: Are you his definition of decency?

Stacy: I was

DBM: Do you feel obliged to choose your husband and marriage because of the children or what others would think?

Stacy: I used to, but I am beginning to realize I have to care more about what I deserve

DBM: I know you may have expected more from your husband. And I can understand how disheartening his actions have been

Stacy: How do I get over the fear of letting people down?

DBM: Which people?

Stacy: My children, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends, church members, etc.

DBM: I usually do not care so much about what others think of me. Fortunately or unfortunately, love and peace of mind are two of the most important things in my life. If I were in your shoes, I would follow my heart and not the opinions of others. Refuse to live up to the expectations of others. After all, not everyone will agree with your convictions

Stacy: When do you think I will find it in my heart to forgive him, even if we go our separate ways?

DBM: You would have to move to forgiveness in your own time. I don’t rush myself into forgiving people. I can’t force you to forgive me either, should I wrong you. You get me?

Stacy: You’ve been very helpful.

DBM: I’m glad to know.

Image Credits: Tobit Nazar Nieto Hernandez

Tag: Tough decisions

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