Tag: Trauma

Trudie: When I was 15 years old, one of my teachers told me he was in love with me. I was returning books he had given me to study and it was my first time being touched inappropriately in a sexual way. I was clothed when it first happened. There were times he would volunteer to teach me at his home and would engage in all sorts of sexual activities in front of me. He’s forced me to watch him masturbate twice before. He would watch pornography while I solved past questions in his living room. My parents trusted him and I thought I could too, because he was nice to me. We were in the same church together. I couldn’t talk about what he had exposed me to, to my parents because I thought and was convinced it was normal. I didn’t also think my parents would believe me if I told them. Also, I started to develop affection for him. I was not into him but I was pretty sure even at that young age that he was into me or fond of me. I cared about him and didn’t want to get him into trouble.

I started to avoid him after the weekend I believe he slipped something in my drink and had penetrative sex with me without my consent. I had never had sexual intercourse or penetrative vaginal sex with anyone before that incident. And because of my suspicions, I avoided spending time alone with him.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM) How old was he?

Trudie: He was in his 30’s I think. I do not have proof of my accusation but I believe he forced himself on me before I woke up from my nap. My pantie was soiled and had been shifted. There were blood stains. Also, I saw two drops of semen on my thigh. My teacher was sleeping in another chair opposite mine, with a towel within easy reach. That towel wasn’t in sight when I arrived. Dave, I’d only drank the coke he offered me. So, I was shocked and really confused.

DBM: Was that day the first time he had offered you a drink at his house?

Trudie: No

DBM: How often had you fallen asleep during one of your visits to him?

Trudie: I can remember only four or five occasions. I was every so often very tired and couldn’t follow through with the extra tuition after drinking the coca cola. Why would a grown man have sex with a girl in her sleep?

DBM: How old are you now?

Trudie: 34

DBM: I wouldn’t classify what you believe he did to you as sex. That was rape.

Trudie: Do you think I might have consented in my sleep?

DBM: Agreeing to take part in sex is a choice one makes. Were you in that sane capacity to agree to, or make the choice to be intimate with your teacher?

Trudie: No

DBM: Exactly! You were unconscious and asleep. And a sleeping woman doesn’t pose a threat to a male coward. An absent woman is easy to prey on. Let me re-imagine your incident in this other scenario: you woke up from a deep sleep only to find a stranger going through your personal belongings. How would that make you feel or react? Replace that picture of your personal things with your actual body being touched and intruded into without your knowledge.

Trudie: He raped me

DBM: And it wasn’t your fault. You did not do anything to deserve this.

Trudie: I recently met him and his family at an event and he has a 15-year-old daughter. I was suddenly affected by what he did to me because I had never raised that discussion with him. Since I met him and his family, I have been angry at myself for staying quiet. Can I report him to the police or draw his wife and daughter’s attention to what he did to me?

Image Credit: Danily UK