Tag: Unemployment

Let’s Talk To Rhett

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 137: Rhett representing

DBM: Hello Rhett. How would you describe yourself?

Rhett: Determined, well groomed, not proud, work-out a lot and always wanting to get better

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Rhett: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Rhett: I’ve been out of work for the past two years. I’m still putting in lots of applications. I want to get married to my girlfriend this year but her dad disapproves of me because I am unemployed. My woman is the most special lady, and she completes me in every sense. She believes in me and has been patient with me. She also wants to get married but her dad isn’t being encouraging.

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Rhett: Over two years

DBM: What does she do for a living?

Rhett: She’s an Administrative Assistant

DBM: How old are you?

Rhett: 35

DBM: How old is she?

Rhett: 28

DBM: Why do you want to get married now?

Rhett: Marriage wasn’t part of my plans. I was usually with girls for the fun and short-lived affairs. I was dating and sleeping around a lot because I am my own exit strategy, but my woman changed all that when I fell in love with her. I want to settle down and experience what love feels like

DBM: Why were you sleeping around?

Rhett: Dave, men aren’t valued the same on the sexual marketplace. I wasn’t stable because I needed to know the different feedbacks from the ladies

DBM: You want to marry because you’re in love; is that what you’re saying?

Rhett: Precisely

DBM: That is the only reason?

Rhett: Well, loneliness sucks. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. My cousin, at the age of 59 was single and had no children. When he fell critically ill, he had no one by his side. He died a lonely death. I don’t want that for me

DBM: What you shouldn’t want for you is settling down in marriage because you’re tired of being alone.

Rhett: I’m only keeping it real here

DBM: Are you a happy man when you’re on your own?

Rhett: Nah, that’s why I want to do the right thing by getting married to the one woman who makes me very happy

DBM: Do you make your woman happy?

Rhett: I do

DBM: How do you do that?

Rhett: We have a lot of fun together. We also talk a lot too

DBM: Do you see yourself being happy without your woman?

Rhett: No

DBM: So, your happiness right now is determined by your relationship with your lady, and not because you know and value own yourself?

Rhett: She brings the best in me

DBM: Okay!

Rhett: I was happy when I was wild those years, but I am my happiest right this moment because I’m loved

DBM: Let’s fast forward to you getting married while being unemployed, how do you intend contributing to running your household?

Rhett: Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. I fear dragging her down into the financial quagmire that I may encounter if I don’t get myself a job.

DBM: A friend’s wife left him for another man because he couldn’t pull his weight financially at home. And, my friend wasn’t even unemployed, he had a job; he just wasn’t earning much

Rhett: My woman is not earning that much

DBM: And most women wouldn’t be that comfortable with their men living off their paycheck for the long term.

Rhett: I want to marry her because she’s nine weeks pregnant

DBM: I wish in your responses, you had rather said, you’d want to marry her because you love who she is as a person. And that, she makes you laugh a lot and also, shares in your interests, etc.

Rhett: Yeah, and all that

DBM: I’m concerned. You don’t have a steady job, there is a baby on the way and you want to get married… Love does not pay the bills

Rhett: You sound like my father-in-law

DBM: You don’t have a father-in-law, you have a girlfriend’s father

Rhett: Still close

DBM: Smh!

Rhett: But it can be depressing

DBM: I can only imagine

Rhett: She’s been patient and my support every step of the way.

DBM: I pray you find a job sooner than later, because it can be exhausting for the women. Especially now that there is a child on the way, I hope situations doesn’t end up forcing her to become the involuntary breadwinner, struggling so hard to care for everyone and everything else in your household with one lone paycheck.

Rhett: Men do it all the time, and are expected to be strong and not complain nor cry. We are expected to ‘shush’ and forever be in control. A woman can also choose to be her man’s savior when he needs her to be.

DBM: I concur, and some ladies are doing just that

Rhett: Yeah! I’m only worried about her father’s negative influence on her after finding out about my employment status

DBM: Does he know his daughter is expecting a baby?

Rhett: We were to inform them the day we visited but the man turned the entire conversation to unemployment. He ruined everything for me

DBM: Do you know why I kept asking if you were happy with yourself?

Rhett: Why?

DBM: Because if you genuinely were, a conversation around unemployment wouldn’t have negatively affected you that way.

Rhett: That’s because you’re not in my shoes

DBM: Can I try to put myself in your shoes and address you the way I would have me?

Rhett: You can try but it wouldn’t mean anything though

DBM: As a man, I can confidently say I am very happy with who I am now. I love my girlfriend; I love the fact that we have a baby on the way. I am excited about getting married to the woman who makes me so happy. I love my future in-laws, even though my father-in-law, on some level is fucked up. I may be unemployed now, but the celebration of my current state is part of my reality, my truth. I might be in denial to some people, but I have chosen to be a happy man, thus, celebrating how far I have come – even if my in-laws disapprove of me, and I keep being rejected, interview after job interview, and I’m furious most of the time because I feel stagnant. This is me, all this… all that.

Rhett: Hmmm! I like that.

DBM: I understand it’s not easy, trust me. That is why I don’t live up to all those sharp and exaggerated concepts of masculinity encouraged on social media and by some men.

Rhett: Yeah!

DBM: Participant 136, Mamle, left a question for you: ‘How do you live your life on a daily basis: Do you prefer planning every detail in advance or you’re the spontaneous type?’

Rhett: Planning ahead gives me the basic outline for my day. I’m able to make good use of my time of day, and that adds value to my life.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Rhett: Does everything in your life happen for a reason or you just find reasons after these things have happened?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko

I see myself in Hugh, and I fear for him

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

See, the relationship between LOVE and MARRIAGE is like that of a building and its foundation. LOVE is the foundation on which MARRIAGE, the building, is built. Like the foundation of a building, LOVE is far stronger than marriage. You cannot build before laying the foundation. If love is not the foundation of marriage, as in the case of Hugh and Papina, and as it was in my case, then when the storms of life reel its ugly head, the one who came into the relationship for reasons other than love, but only learnt to love the other after they’d been married would leave.

I married a lady I knew didn’t love me. She confessed same. I was praying that with time, she would grow to love me knowing the beautiful character I possess. David, could you imagine about after a year of marriage, my wife then promised, ‘Kwaku, exercise patience; the love will come’.

I earned a lot of money from my workplace and ensured life was very good and very comfortable for my wife, which then developed the love she showed. But after disaster struck and I lost my job, and the financial situation at home begun to fall, and finally fell, I realized our relationship was built upside-down: marriage which was the building was made the foundation and we tried to build love on it.

David, I had the premonition all along that in case I lost my job, my wife would leave. And it happened – in a very bizarre way. I really fear for Hugh. I am praying the fate I suffered at my workplace will not happen to him. But if, per adventure, it does happen, David I can predict Papina will leave. She’s in this relationship because Hugh has met her, and is meeting all of her demands. The love Hugh receives, and enjoys from her is ‘bought’. Papina coaching her friend to do as she did suggest that her love for Hugh hangs loosely on the thread of time; on how much and for how long Hugh is able to meet her aspirations.

There’s every indication that Hugh doubts her love. There’s every indication that Hugh entertains some fear. His fear is real and genuine. I wouldn’t advice divorce. But he should develop strong shock absorbers for future eventualities. Hugh’s may not be loss of job, accident or ill health that could result in permanent disability, but these things happen. I am lucky mine was just the loss of a job. I am still very healthy and moving on with life. Imagine if it had been a physical disability… You understand what I mean?

Written by KA

Image Credit: Mart Production

Let’s Talk To Kweku

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 6 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 20: My name is Kweku

DBM: Hello, Kweku. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Kweku: I am a Senior Product Marketing Manager. I am married with two kids. I am 43 years of age, and I live in Accra.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Kweku: I am planning on quitting my job.

DBM: Why?

Kweku: I feel disrespected by my employers. I loathe my boss. That is my first reason. The second reason is my salary, it’s low. The third reason: I hate my job. I am so unhappy.

DBM: Why do you hate your job?

Kweku: It’s not fulfilling, and I don’t feel challenged enough. There is no progression in my career. I feel so limited.

DBM: How long have you been working for your current employer?

Kweku: 9 years.

DBM: Why do you dislike your boss?

Kweku: He is incompetent, but because he has money, he feels he can talk to anyone anyhow and get away with it.

DBM: When was the last time you encountered your boss in an argument?

Kweku: Just yesterday. Dave, it’s an everyday attack with him when it comes to my input at work. There is always a problem with what I do.

DBM: What specifically are your duties and responsibilities?

Kweku: I am involved in the development of products and its distribution; I also create and implement marketing strategies and initiatives to increase our product’s visibility and market performance; I create sales copy, and liaise with the stakeholders of our company. My job is to also perform thorough market research and competitive analysis to understand and efficiently communicate product value proposition.

DBM: Do you have a new job lined up somewhere else?

Kweku: No, but I have put in a few applications.

DBM: Any luck thus far with those applications?

Kweku: I did one interview recently.

DBM: How did it go?

Kweku: It was okay.

DBM: You mentioned being unhappy; an unhappy worker most often is an un-productive worker. Are you productive at work?

Kweku: I am, and that’s what pisses me off; because I stive to give my 100% at every task, only to be unappreciated and criticized.

DBM: You are certain about resigning?

Kweku: At this moment, yes! I called my boss incompetent in the presence of my co-workers.

DBM: When was this?

Kweku: Yesterday afternoon.

DBM: What was his reaction?

Kweku: He was in shock. And angry. And defensive

DBM: What did your co-workers say after hearing you say that to the boss?

Kweku: Nothing! They all knew someone had to tell him to his face.

DBM: And that person had to be you?

Kweku: Unfortunately!

DBM: Does your wife know you’re going to be unemployed, like yesterday?

Kweku: Not yet.

DBM: Does she know about how you’re being treated at work?

Kweku: Yes!

DBM: And, what has she said to you?

Kweku: She’s been helping me with job applications.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Kweku: 11 years.

DBM: So, your children are under 11?

Kweku: Yes!

DBM: Has your boss approached you since yesterday?

Kweku: Not yet. That is why I want to send in my resignation letter.

DBM: Are you resigning because you feel you will be fired, regardless?

Kweku: No, Dave. I have had enough of his bullshit.

DBM: Kweku, please do not get into anymore emotional exchanges with your boss. If you allow your emotions to outrun your rational decision, you may not have the time to properly think things through.

Kweku: I have no interest in talking to him today.

DBM: If you’re resigning, then it indirectly also means you’re firing him as your boss.

Kweku: Lol! I haven’t heard that before. Lol!

DBM: Do not resign via email.

Kweku: Why not? That’s how it’s done here.

DBM: You insulted him. I would suggest you write a short letter, and it should be to the points you’ve raised: low salary, unfulfillment and the unhappiness. State the actual date of your resignation, and then go to your boss’ office to hand him the letter. Without any complaints, tell him you are resigning, and try to talk over your concerns. After receiving your letter, thank him, and then leave.

Kweku: Dave, it’s too much work while I can just send him a mail. I am trying to prevent any confrontation.

DBM: I see. Anyways, you are in control of your happiness, no one else is.

Kweku: True.

DBM: Are you your family’s main source of income?

Kweku: Yes, but my wife also works.

DBM: Do you have enough saved to support your family – while you wait for your next employment?

Kweku: I have something saved.

DBM: To sustain your home for the next two-to-three years?

Kweku: Lol! Hopefully, I wouldn’t be staying in the house unemployed for that long. Lol!

DBM: Well, you can never be sure.

Kweku: My wife works. She will give me the necessary support.

DBM: Has she confirmed to that?

Kweku: She is my wife. We are in it together.

DBM: Are you going to be alright?

Kweku: I will be fine, Inshallah!

Image Credit: Nappy

These Hoes Ain’t Loyal

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

Hello David,

I am a follower of your Facebook platform, so is my ex-wife. We were married for 7 years, and blessed with a son. I think sometimes you’re a little prejudiced when it comes to men and women on your page. Your conversations are always tailored around men treating their women right. Little is discussed about how women should treat their men. Are we not deserving of being treated right? Or as a man yourself, you mean to say your feelings aren’t that worth appreciating?

My ex-wife was so focused on herself and needs in our marriage, my own emotions and needs were placed on the sideline. She did not understand how to treat me right as her man. To the rest of the world, I was the monster making her unhappy in our marriage; but tell me Dave, which man in his right senses will be empowered to do more than the usual for a wife who refuses to put in the effort into making her man happy?

Things were okay between us in the beginning years of our marriage until I lost my job. And I pray no married man ever loses his job in this Ghana, and ends up relying on his wife; your marriage will break up. My experience wasn’t even a flat-out-firing. I was downsized, and I lost more than just my paycheck; I lost my wife’s genuine respect for my well-being. Trust me when I tell you these hoes ain’t loyal. Many of them marry men for their paychecks and employment statuses; love is just a word on their lips.

My wife stopped seeing and trusting the fact that I was working hard to find work; she stopped seeing the embarrassment I felt for being unemployed. Her expectations of me shifted; her usual routines at home suddenly changed, not because money was tight, but because I was depending on her to hold the family down. For the first time in our relationship, we weren’t on the same page with money, all because I was unemployed. Unfortunately for me, another man with a better job rather got my wife’s 100% attention, care and pampering. The very things I craved for because I thought the “I do” in our vows mandated our marriage to be my source of strength in times like these. But no, another man enjoyed my wife’s support and encouragement; he profited from my wife’s resourcefulness.

I became emotionally troubled – I missed out on a lot happening around me in my own home. In all honesty Mr. David, I wasn’t asking for much; I just wanted her kindness and compassion, that was why I had to recoup into taking two steps forward and one step back on my journey to maintaining a healthy marriage. While I tried to get our connection back to where it used to be, my wife was taking one step forward and four steps back. She was in love with someone else. She manipulated my feelings, tried also to guilt-trip me, and worst of it all – when I made a little mistake, my ex-wife would catalog all of my errors from 1952 with an elongated monologue.

When I forbade her from pursuing another love interest with her current husband, my ex-wife took up a voluntary total fasting exercise, starving herself almost to death. She would cook for me and our child, but refuse to eat. This continued for more than three months. She lost so much weight and grew lean, it was scary. I don’t know the story she was selling to family and friends because they all started believing she was suffering from battery and abuse. She wouldn’t answer the phone calls of her family and friends; she stopped going to work, and as a result, lost her job. Outsiders started vising our home unannounced, and at odd times to check on her. She told her siblings and best friend that I had isolated her from her family and friends, psychologically beaten her down and was physically threatening her. The day I heard her mother tell her she deserved to live free of fear, she filed for divorce. Three weeks after our separation, she started putting on weight again.

Image Credit: Karolina Grabowska

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