Tag: Vulnerability

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 108: Xavier

DBM: Hello Xavier. How would you describe yourself?

Xavier: I will describe myself as a man who is very much in control of his dynamisms, and is self-aware, and can channel my energies in the path to goodness.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Xavier: 9 and a half

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Xavier: Prior to meeting my wife, I was in a two-year relationship with my ex-girlfriend. We were planning on getting married because she was pregnant. One day, while she was in the shower, a man sent a steamy message to her phone, which caught my attention because I was going to take her charger to charge my phone. The notification popped up on her screen, and I read the remaining of the message; it was incredibly intimate. Before I could process anything, he followed up with a voice message of him masturbating while reminiscing about their last intimate encounter, which according to him, happened the night before. This happened in 2014. Mind you, she was six months pregnant, and until I heard that message, had assumed the pregnancy was mine. This is an ex who convinced me not to have sex with her because she was having a high-risk pregnancy. She made me believe she had a low-lying placenta, which her doctor confirmed with the term, placenta praevia. I still remember it like it was just yesterday. The long and short of the story is, her child belongs to the doctor, and they’ve been together since our breakup.

DBM: Omg!

Xavier: I met my wife on my way to attack the doctor at the hospital. I was driving and then suddenly, I had to pee. I found the nearest office building and had to beg and bribe the security man to allow me use the bathroom. When I got out of the washroom, I met my wife on the hallway, and I could swear she looked just like a crush of mine from high school. I probably might have been horny because her smile turned me on.

DBM: Ah! But weren’t you the same person angry a minute ago?

Xavier: The quality of voice she used in saying ‘heya’ to me – got me thinking

DBM: About what?

Xavier: Rather than looking to what my ex had done and fighting her doctor, why not focus on who was sharing her brightest smile with me in the present to solve a problem.

DBM: What problem did her smile solve in your life?

Xavier: I have tears in my eyes just recalling the day I met her. That simple ‘heya’ imbued the rest of my life with so much magic. It made me consider whether or not letting an opportunity like her pass me by, really was worth my time and energy. Who would have known ‘heya’ could teach me how to pick my battles wisely? Her smile made me forget I was angry; that is magic. And since that day, I stopped fighting over every little thing. Dave, when you’ve had your heart trampled on, it takes a special ‘heya’ to let yourself be vulnerable to trust again.

DBM: How would you describe your wife?

Xavier: If ever there was ‘the one’, then it would be my woman. She’s the only lady that I had been with for love to call us to marriage without any sexual happenstances involved. I am in no way saying I don’t feel like sleeping with my wife any time I set my eyes on her. As her husband, the passion she exhumes in me is erotic 24/7. But she did not meet all my requirements for the perfect woman I desired. Getting to know her drew my attention to the other attractive qualities in her that were even better than anything I could have wanted in a wife. She triggers my inner hero to come along.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Xavier: Eight years in August. We dated for seven months

DBM: Your ex, how did you finally get closure?

Xavier: I loved my ex-girlfriend but had to walk away because I didn’t have it in me to trust her again. Talks about her brings up certain emotions that I cannot explain, even now.

DBM: Hmmm!

Xavier: But I forgive her

DBM: What is your favorite thing about your marriage?

Xavier: Oh, that is simple; I wake up in the morning and the first thing I tell myself is to love my wife more than I did the day before. I give her a kiss, iron her dress while she prepares the children for school. I hug her before leaving the house, and offer a gargantuan, extended hug when I return from work. I’ve been consistent with the same routine for eight years, to the extent that, she expects it from me every day.

DBM: Why is such a routine important to you?

Xavier: Choosing to love my wife, I believe is within my control

DBM: It is!

Xavier: Yeah!

DBM: What do you think seems to be the glue holding your marriage intact?

Xavier: The fact that me and my wife go out of our way to take what we have seriously. Our commitment is pure; she’s my best friend, my confidant, lover, and the woman I can laugh and be playful with. My wife trusts me. She believes in me, desires me sexually and I am sexually attracted to her. I’ve had eyes for only my wife, and she’s made sure that sex is a priority in our marriage. She sees how hard I work for the family and encourages me on a daily basis. She does this in front of our children, friends and family a lot. My wife appreciates my every effort and I do same to her. I think we have the correct balance of deed and restraint when dealing with each other.

Image Credit: EJ