Let’s Talk To Kimberly

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 84: Kimberly

DBM: Hello Kimberly. How would you describe yourself?

Kimberly: I have a positive attitude. I have a soft heart. I am always smiling

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Kimberly: Six

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Kimberly: I have been constantly treated unfairly and essentially, intimidated at my workplace by my supervisor and some of my co-workers. To the extent that, it is affecting my mental health and stressing me out. Everything I do, is wrong in someone’s eyes. My supervisor demeans my work standards all the time, yet would present them at meetings as his ideas. He does not give me credit for the works I do. He takes the glory for himself and shuts me out totally when the CEO or investors needs briefing on the works I’ve done. The criticisms of my co-workers are always unfair, and they would not stop spreading false rumors about me. They give me poor reviews on my performance, even though they all know I do solid work for the company. I don’t know how to put these things behind me. I am now afraid to even be myself at work.

DBM: That’s awful. I am terribly sorry about that.

Kimberly: I do not understand what I have done to them

DBM: It is not fun; trust me, I know how you are feeling. Kim, some people are like that; they only find delight in disparaging you on a regular basis till you begin to question your own capabilities.

Kimberly: There is an important meeting I am supposed to be attending because it’s my proposal that is being considered to be funded. My supervisor and his cheerleaders have managed to leave me out.

DBM: Are you authorized to be present at this meeting?

Kimberly: They expect me to explain into detail the proposal, but my supervisor called me in his office to do a presentation on my project. He is again, going to present it as his own. I realized he has taken my name off the work and replaced it with his. This is the fourth time he has done this to me.

DBM: He is the one you report to directly?

Kimberly: Yes

DBM: Have you made an official complaint to maybe, HR? Because I see this to be a form of mistreatment

Kimberly: Every time I get into contact with our HR, she brushes it aside or gives a cursory response and moves ahead without any real action.

DBM: I see

Kimberly: Another thing they keep saying is, they all went through the process, and so I should stop whining and just focus on my work.

DBM: Do you believe what they’re doing to you to be right?

Kimberly: No! I treat everyone with respect at work. I smile with everyone, even the cleaners. I try to be nice and spread joy. I don’t understand why they are picking on me.

DBM: What do you do when you feel attacked in this manner?

Kimberly: Lately, I ignore them

DBM: I am used to ignoring people who act that way too. However, ignoring them and letting it continue only gets worse with time. Your silence gives them permission to disrespect you the more.

Kimberly: Just last week at a meeting, I shared an idea, which I believed was brilliant. Even I was proud of myself. My supervisor outrightly ignored it. A hour later, a line manager shared my same concept, tweaking it to sound different. But everyone in the room knew it was my exact concept, and my supervisor congratulated him on his ‘excellent’ suggestion.

DBM: From the way you speak, I’d want to assume you are very smart. This is what I believe, brilliant people are those with great ideas to share. So, keep your ideas and concepts coming, and be willing and okay with giving them away all the time.

Kimberly: Even if people are going to steal them? Because I work really hard to come up with concepts for our company to execute. The least they could do is acknowledge me. It’s really annoying when I think of it.

DBM: This may sound weird, but when people steal something I have built as their own or interpret it differently to suit their agendas, all in the name of being seen, heard, praised or viewed as smart, I take their act as a compliment. You need to understand that, there are people who will go to great lengths to make themselves look important. My little advice would be, keep delivering your ideas, and have fun doing it. Because it does bring meaning to your work life, Kim.

Kimberly: How about the fact that they try to be rude in the process?

DBM: Maybe, you can draw their attention to the fact that, you notice what they’re doing.

Kimberly: I have tried that. They’re still being nasty

DBM: Then, let them for the time being. Continue to be nice to everyone at work. Help your supervisor to get the job done, even if it means him taking credit for your work. Just approach it with an open mind, and see what else he’s capable of. As an employee, your foremost duty is to make your boss happy.

Kimberly: But I am not happy, Dave. I don’t feel valued at my workplace.

DBM: Your happiness is important. If you are not happy, then that’s not a good thing. Are you considering looking into jobs elsewhere?

Kimberly: Yes

DBM: Okay! At the end of the day, your pride, self-respect and esteem; mental, emotional and physical well-being is far more important than the paycheck you get.

Image Credit: Marcelo Chagas