Let’s Talk To Ola
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 153: Ola
DBM: Hello Ola. How would you describe yourself?
Ola: The older I get, the more promises I break, and the baggage heaping on
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Ola: 4
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Ola: I want render a public apology to my wife. I’ve hurt her feelings and I feel like a terrible husband.
DBM: You did not hurt her feelings because you’re a terrible person. It’s just human nature to disappoint people
Ola: You don’t know what I did
DBM: What did you do?
Ola: I did the one thing I promised her I would never do.
DBM: Let me guess, you had an affair?
Ola: Yes, and got the other woman pregnant.
DBM: I see
Ola: I’ve tried to explain things to her but she’s not making time for a sit-down. I see her reading from your blog and Facebook
DBM: You’ve hurt the poor lady’s feelings. Demanding her time isn’t the best thing to do now
Ola: How then am I supposed to get her to forgive me?
DBM: Request for her audience. And, don’t expect her to grant it anyways
Ola: But she’s my wife
DBM: What does that mean?
Ola: I don’t know what it means. I’m just saying
DBM: Don’t mock a pain you haven’t endured. Let her be till she’s ready to hear you out
Ola: It’s been three months, Dave
DBM: So? Keep waiting
Ola: Till when? I’ve told her a million times how sorry I am
DBM: How long have you been married?
Ola: 7 years
DBM: Give her some space
Ola: Even after three months?
DBM: Does she cook for you?
Ola: Yes
DBM: When was the last time you had sex?
Ola: Eight days ago
DBM: If she’s giving you sex, why are you still pestering her for her attention?
Ola: She’s not giving me any sex
DBM: But you had sex with her eight days ago, no?
Ola: It wasn’t with my wife
DBM: Who did you have sex with?
Ola: The other lady
DBM: I don’t know you personally, but you remind me ice cream, and not vegetables. You want to only make your wife feel good but not with the intention of helping her grow.
Ola: That’s unfair. You don’t know me like that
DBM: Your wife has not given you attention because of the pain you caused her. She’s hurt as a result of your actions. An action you’re still engaging in. Maybe I’m missing the point: how are you going to offer her comfort and compassion to ease the hurt she’s feeling?
Ola: Body no bi firewood, Dave
DBM: Are you even capable of doing right by her?
Ola: I am
DBM: I see
Ola: She needs to get over it. I’m getting tired of everything
DBM: Meaning?
Ola: The marriage. She’s constantly reminding me of betraying her trust
DBM: But you know you betrayed her trust in you, no?
Ola: And I’ve told her how sorry I am. The other woman doesn’t even mind me being with other women. She knows I love her and will be there for her when she needs me. Why can’t my wife think along the same lines?
DBM: Because you wife doesn’t encourage the lowest version of you.
Ola: Dave, all men cheat
DBM: With a mentality like this, you would only be making things worse between you and your wife.
Ola: I’m not sure what else to say to make things better between us
DBM: But you want to help make things better between the two of you?
Ola: Yes
DBM: You mentioned loving the other woman?
Ola: I love her, but I don’t think I’m in love with her
DBM: Are you excited about the baby she’s expecting?
Ola: Well, if it’s a boy, why not
DBM: What if it’s a girl?
Ola: Same thing
DBM: Is this pregnant other woman, the only other woman you’ve been with since you married your wife?
Ola: Yes
DBM: But you said she’s okay with you being with other women, no?
Ola: She’s told me she wouldn’t mind if I want to
DBM: Tell me a little about her
Ola: She’s given me more than her heart. She loves me even when I’m not worthy of her love. She supports what makes me happy
DBM: Tell me something about your wife
Ola: A beautiful woman, hardworking, funny and fantastic mother to our children. We’ve been through a whole lot together
DBM: You have the opportunity to talk to your wife. What do you want to say?
Ola: I know you said sorry isn’t enough but I’m sorry. I feel awful to have upset you. I take full responsibility for my actions and nothing that I have done is as a result of something you did. I was wrong and I apologize.
DBM: Participant 152, Dexter, left a question for you: ‘Share with me a moment in your life that you will never forget’
Ola: I did not go to work, two days to the birth of our first child. I had cleaned the entire house as my welcoming package to my wife and our first child. I felt so sad and helpless watching her endure the pain of frequent contractions. I will never forget when she started to push at the hospital. I saw my son’s head before he came out, crying.
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Ola: Why did you forgive the person who hurt you the most?
DBM: Thank you!
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