Author: David B

© David Bondze-Mbir. All rights reserved.

WRONG NUMBER

Hi David,

I want to share a story with you. 12 years ago, I met a woman on a bus. I liked her. We talked and she gave me her number. I didn’t have a phone, so I memorized her number before we went our separate ways. I went to buy a phone the following morning; dialed the number I was sure I memorized. I mixed two numbers and I hadn’t realized it. Another lady answered the call. She told me it a wrong number. Her name was not the name I mentioned. I was about to hang up when she told me to hold.

She’s now my wife. But before all that, she told me she used to politely let callers know of their mistakes so they hung up. She stopped being polite because her ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend, the girl he was cheating on her with when they were dating – was giving her number to guys she met at the club, and fucked with. My wife says, strange men were calling and asking her out on the phone. The other woman was giving my wife’s name to these men and it was all chaos.

Back to my story, she wanted to talk to me when I wrongly called her number. In fact, she was really nice to me on the phone. Dave, we talked for 17 months; we did not exchange pictures through email, though we both lived in Accra. I asked her to marry me though we had not met. I didn’t want to rush the process. She didn’t rush the process. In the past, I was always in a hurry for a relationship and it caused me to make crappy choices about the women I dated. I didn’t know how to be alone; I was taking just about any girl that seemed decent to avoid the feeling of loneliness and horniness. The encounter with my wife made me realize I was better than that, and I deserved better.

The first time I met my woman face-to-face, my family accompanied me to her father’s house to ask for her hand in marriage. Her smile was enough. I knew I had made the right decision; the warm embrace of our first hug made me cry. I didn’t want to let go. Dave, this is a woman I found myself calling every day, wanting to know about her day. She was always in my thoughts. At work, I was replaying our previous conversations over and over. My stomach and heart took a leap every time she called me. I knew she loved me too because we were dying to hear from each other. I couldn’t stop smiling; I was feeling more hopeful and positive about myself. Till date, I make time for the woman I love; I crave for my wife like I crave for my favorite food. I knew I was in love when it was crystal clear to me that I was ignoring other attractive women. I am still ignoring them and all the temptations that come with it.

Love is real! ‘I love you’ is always on my lips; it rains on my wife because I truly love everything about her. I feel very happy in my marriage. It feels right, Dave. I want to tell every single person, stop putting pressure on yourself for being single. Stop thinking that you need to satisfy a certain timetable because of your age. You have not failed at anything if you’re still single. As long as there is life and breath in you, you have all the time in the world to search and be found. Stop thinking about biological clocks; my wife gave birth to our first child after nine years of marriage. You have not failed at anything. You will get there when the time is right.

Image Credit: Roman Odintsov

TRAPPED HORROR

Mr. Dave, something happened at home and I suspect my wife to be behind it. I don’t like drinking from a cup. I like it when I drink water or liquids from a bottle/box. My wife hates it when I do that and have been complaining. Because of that I don’t touch a particular bottle she pours water from. Last week, I got home from work very thirsty. I opened the fridge and took one of the other bottles and started drinking. I drank a lot before realizing I was swallowing some things in the water; dead ants, dried spiders, cockroaches and dried crickets. I don’t know what else I swallowed. Dave, someone intentionally gathered these things and put them in the bottle and filled it with water and put it in the fridge for me to drink. We’re three adults staying in my house. My wife, her mother, me and our three months’ baby. My in-law is helping us with the baby; I don’t think the woman will ever do that to me. When I showed what she had done to her, she laughed and pretended she didn’t know anything about it. I don’t understand why someone can be so wicked like this. I don’t think I can eat from her kitchen again.

Image Credit: Maria Orlova

BROKEN BUT UNDETERRED

When I was 12 years my parents took me to a place. It was supposed to be a prayer camp but I found out later we weren’t going on a spiritual retreat. The host and his wife welcomed us and gave my parents water. I was given a drink. That was the last thing I remember when I woke up at dawn. Dave, I didn’t know how or when I fell asleep. My parents weren’t in the room I found myself in. It was so dark all around me. I started screaming and crying and calling my parents when I realized the door was locked. No one was there. Minutes later, someone turned on a light outside the room. I saw a shadow and his familiar voice. It was the host. He asked me to keep quiet. He wouldn’t tell me about where my parents had gone. They fed me, gave me water to drink and bath. I was bathing in the presence of two men. I was accompanied by two men whenever I needed to use the toilet. That was my routine for three years. My parents didn’t visit me. My brother and sisters didn’t know where I had been taken to.

At age 15, the host forced himself on me. He raped me three different times. He explained that I needed to know what I could be missing if I continued in my sinful ways. Dave, I am a lesbian and I knew at an early age that I was different. I liked pictures of girls in magazines. Maybe I left so many clues for my mom to catch up because I received beatings anytime I was close to girls. I wasn’t allowed to play with my friends who were girls in the neighborhood till I was sent to that camp. What my parents didn’t know was that when I turned 15, the host made me strip naked at dawn for his intercession visits. I learnt how to kneel before a man at 15. I learnt how to suck a man’s dick at 15. I lost my virginity to an older man at 15. I learnt how to survive at 15. My dad came for me three weeks after my 15th birthday. I have not told my parents about what went down when they left me with their spiritual father.

I am 26 years old now and my mom is fixing me with her friend’s son in marriage. She gave my number to him without telling me. He lives and works in Canada. I know the guy. He’s cool and doing very well for himself. But I like girls. He is in Ghana for 5 months and he wants to return to Canada with his wife, me. Do I tell him the truth so he backs off? Everybody is telling me he’s the right man for me. I unsubscribe to the idea that people who refuse to listen to and respect me, people who have never met or known me can tell me who I am or what I should be.

Image Credit: Kritsada Seekham

ONE AND THE SAME

David, hi!

There is a first to everything. I want to share an experience I had. I used to be the typical guy who never noticed small things as big. I was not very attentive and people around me were exasperated. I never understood why. If it’s not my main purpose at a specific time, I hardly notice anything. Okay, I saw a lady in a nice dress at Boti Falls in 2011. First, it was her colorful dress. I saw her face and she was nice. I kept seeing her in-between the rest of the trip in the Eastern Region. It wasn’t a big coincidence because most tourists were going to the same spots. We did not talk.

2012, I saw her again at Mole National Park. We noticed the coincidence in this. We smiled, and still did not interact. 2014, I bumped into her at Wli Waterfalls. She laughed and said, “Hello!”. Apparently, we had similar travel styles and tastes. 2015, I joined a holiday trip to Kintampo Falls, organized by a company. It was an open trip to the general public who could afford the fee. We went by bus. Dave, guess who just happened to sit next to me on our bus? Yep! The lady from 2011, 2012 and 2014.

I didn’t waste time. I asked for her number. I asked if she was single. “Yes”. I was single too. The trip was my first date with her and it was exhilarating and nerve-wrecking. I already had drawn parallels between our mutual interests in sightseeing. I wasn’t sure how to direct our conversations, and so I commented on the dress she had worn to Boti Falls. She was surprised I could remember. She wasn’t interested in what I did for a living. She was rather interested in my background and line of thinking. She was paying attention to how I was responding to her questions. Before we arrived in Kintampo, she had gauged my character.

Four months later, I knew she was the ‘The One’. We married in 2016, and have been together since. Emotionally, we are not distant. I work long hours but I have not lost my ability to balance my job and home life. I don’t feel neglected or taken for granted. My wife says she hasn’t felt that too. We have a lot of intimate conversations via WhatsApp during work days. When we argue or disagree and engage in our shouting matches, there is no resentment. We yell in our fights rather than hate each other. 2011, 2012, 2014 and 2015 made me realize that there is no other woman out there meant for me.

‘Till death do us part’ doesn’t scare me. Most buddies of mine are cheating on their wives because they believe there are people out there that they are missing their chances to be with, because they settled with their significant others. ‘What if’ doesn’t influence me to stray, because I’ve made a decision to only see the good in my wife when I am tempted not to. I don’t need any other proof to know that I am with the right woman. I am confident in my love for my wife to the extent that, I refuse to give in to illicit desires.

Men can be good if they choose to be good!

Image Credit: Anna Shvets

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