Author: David B

© David Bondze-Mbir. All rights reserved.

READY OR NOT?

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Good morning, Dave,

I have been a follower of your page and I like to read people’s stories and comment, but today, it is my turn for people to advise me. I have been with my lady close to seven years now and she is very hard working and I admire her a lot for that. She will do anything within her means just to make me happy. To her, I come first before anything else, and I am so grateful for that. We have been planning to get married for some time now but things are not going the way we planned, and it’s beginning to affect me personally. I can see it worries her as well but she sometimes tries to be strong for me, and rather comforts me. She believes things are going to be okay and that, I should trust in God.

I know she wants it badly because sometimes when she goes to her friends’ weddings, the way she talks about it, you know she really wishes it would get to her turn sooner than later. Sometimes too, when her mum is talking to her about marriage stuff, she would be indirectly giving her pressure to settle down. I work in Accra and we couldn’t recover from the post Covid-19 pandemics. I have placed application letters in some companies hoping they would call me. The organization I currently work with pays as and when; we can go three months without pay and even before one is paid, you would have borrowed money from others for them to be settled.

Throughout this time, I have been able to save some GHs 4000. Sometimes I dip into that savings just to take care of me, sometimes her needs and that of my mom, to the extent that, my savings had reduce to GHs 2000, and if I am not careful by the end of February, it would be finished.

My girl is a baker and a very good one. Her pastries taste so good and everybody loves it. She bakes the pastries and gives it out to people to sell. Most of them come for the products, and after selling, bringing the money becomes a problem. Stories here and there; people are owing her some money but at the end you get what they give you with excuses here and there. I sometimes take some to sell myself. At the end, whatever we get we use it on food, bills, her personal needs in addition to what I sometimes get, which is not enough for savings.

We are okay in terms of food and petty bills. Dave, my point is how do I get married, when we can’t save money towards that? She is not getting any younger; she will be 34 years in the next three-months and I will be 35 in the coming five-months. Should I let her go so she can find somebody with the means to marry her or should I still keep my faith in God that help will come one day? The truth is I don’t want to lose or let her go, but if that’s what I am supposed to do to make her happy, that’s a sacrifice I will be willing to take. I am so confused and this eating me up. I need help.

Image Credit: Max Vakhtbovych

WITHIN MY MEANS

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

This issue of the gentleman who doesn’t know whether to move on with the girlfriend or not due to his financial situation reminds me of my own story. I dated this beautiful lady from October 2011 to December 2018, even though for most part she was a student in the university. During the relationship, everything was hand to mouth; any money I earned, we spent it all. Nothing to save. I don’t even remember a time I had about GHs 1000 on me. But we were happy together even though I could meet all her demands and desires.

Somewhere in 2017, we started talking about marriage and unfortunately, she started planning for a plush event. I requested she brings her expectations down but she really wanted the nice wedding which I knew I couldn’t afford. Anytime she attended someone’s mega wedding, she would come and talk about it gleefully for me to know she wants something similar. I thought she was alone on that thought until I met her family; they even blew my mind with their criticism of someone else’s wedding we had attended together. We began counseling and I really started feeling the ‘heat’ when we started buying items for the wedding. I just couldn’t afford. I had a deep introspection and decided to quit the relationship.

It wasn’t easy at all because we had gone far with the counseling and even bought some items and taken measurements for our rings. But I had to make that decision because I knew I couldn’t afford her expectations; I would be unfair to her. When I told her about my decision, it wasn’t easy at all for the both of us. But I had gotten to the point I had to be firm with my decision.

After a year of breaking up, I met a wife who turned everything around for me. Some people accuse me of leaving a seven-year relationship and marrying someone I met within a year. But my wife helped me within the short period to stand on my feet. Sometimes, if you love someone, you have to let the person go especially when you cannot meet the person’s expectations.

Image Credit: Mithul Varshan

RANDY COLEMAN’S OPINION

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

My wife and I could have pulled off a lavish wedding if we wanted to. In fact, we are not doing badly financially. But God blessed me with the kind of woman who is much more interested in a better life and future for us and our children, than just a one-day show-off (wedding). She reasoned with me and we had a simple but beautiful engagement; went to court to sign, and we were married. We are happily married with a lovely baby boy, and no financial burden hanging over our heads.

This is a woman who holds two degrees in nursing with other specialties, and has practiced for over a decade as a Senior Nurse. When we started dating, she was already doing her Masters at GIMPA, drove her own car and lived independently. Talk of beauty, she’s got it; the type that other women see and go like… waow! You are beautiful! Yet, she’s very simple, kind-hearted, considerate, and so down to earth. This is the woman I call my wife; that special, priceless gem of a woman to be adored.

The thing is, a big wedding is definitely okay if you want it, and can afford it. But don’t throw away your happiness in pursuit of a one-day ceremony. It just doesn’t make sense. Most of us guys honestly do appreciate simple women who prioritize the future over and above today. That’s my truth!

Image Credit: Randy Coleman

THE VOICE WITHIN

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I have shared my story with my siblings and in-law. Two of my best friends also know this story. I have a feeling some of the people who know about this may tag me after reading it on your page because some of them follow you, David. Please keep me anonymous if you’re to post it. It’s about how I met my wife and how I knew she was the one for me. My grandfather told me this —– be the kind of man that your wife wouldn’t want to cheat on. Don’t be the reason why a woman you love would cheat on. He said it to me in Twi, and it’s been my manual. He said a man is a total failure and an embarrassment if his wife cheats on him.

It all happened in the afternoon; it was a Saturday in 2011. My younger brother was celebrating his birthday on the 15th of October. He was 27 years old. He wanted the gob3 sold at my junction as his birthday treat. We drove to the junction to buy the beans and ripe plantain. A lady we met in the line was buying 2 cedis of everything mixed together. It was small in my opinion and I was wondering how she was going to be satisfied eating that. A voice inside my head asked me to buy her more but I refused to listen. After we were done buying ours, I saw an old woman approach the lady who had bought two cedis Gob3. She gave her food to her to eat. That small voice kept telling me to call her and give her money but I refused.

We drove home and me and my brother had a good time eating and drinking. An hour or so later, my doorbell rang. I opened the door and lo and behold, it was her. Mr. David, it was my first time seeing that lady in the Gob3 line in my hood. My house was about 25 houses away from the main junction where we bought the food. And she was at my door. These were her words to me when I opened the door, God says you have to feed me. I started laughing after hearing those words because I knew the promptings I also heard at the junction. It couldn’t have been a coincidence for a match or meant-to-be catch. She was a catch! No two ways about it, but she looked hungry and unkept that day, and so I couldn’t really see through her. I invited her in to go and cook something in the kitchen. I always have something in the kitchen. She prepared enough food for all three of us to eat in the evening. The food was good.

She took her bath in my house and Dave, without any makeup, I saw my future wife in her. We spoke for hours and I knew she was the one for me because she was a relationship-oriented lady. She had the till-death-do-us-part enthusiasm. The second thing was that I was not the only one excited about meeting her; she was just as excited about me as I was about her. I am not talking about sex here but she made my body feel glad. Usually, my body gets excited when I am about to get laid. This wasn’t the case this time.

My body was just happy being around her. We shook hands before she left and I was right about her. My body wanted to be touched or hugged by her. Sex didn’t cross my mind for a moth and over when we started talking. I didn’t feel any pressure to be perfect around her. She draws my attention to my mess all the time, but she tolerates my mess and makes me even laugh at myself always. I married my wife because I realized she was giving as much as she took from me. I trust my wife because she’s strong on my behalf when I am weak. She’s remained a big part of my everyday life since she came knocking at my door on 15/10/11. We married in 2013 and I still look forward to sharing and spending time with her. We chat on the phone all the time when we are at work; any and everything, I want to tell my wife first. If I was given the opportunity to create my own woman, I doubt that I could have come with someone as considerate and loving as my wife. What did I have to do to deserve a woman like my wife? Because I look forward to nothing other than seeing her every day.

Image Credit: Anna Shvets

MY FAVORITE PERSON

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I have never believed in LOVE IN ITS ENTIRETY; maybe, apart from my dad’s love (which was short lived), I don’t trust any other, not even that of my mother. Her world of marriage was not something I looked forward to, neither have I ever thought I would get married someday. It seems like a ‘burden’ or a ‘risk’. I don’t take risks deliberately, if I can avoid, why go into it? My husband (I call him roommate), first knew he will marry me when he was about 19 years old in high school. He had not met me but saw my name on a school admission board for freshmen (apparently, he fell in love with my name). He was in his final year and had promised himself to marry the lady behind that name. He told his other cousin and a friend in school then. Lo and behold, I finally arrived in school only for him to discover, ‘I was out of his league’, as some of his mates were interested in me.

The first time I met him, it seemed like a déjà vu. I believed I had known him but nope, never do I recall meeting him anywhere, except that – he had the looks of my father. We didn’t communicate much as his exist on campus was near but he always spoke to me, writing little poems in a notebook and dropping it off in my class. (We were in the same department). We exchanged poems in that notebook but never sat together to have a chat till he left campus.

I returned home one vacation, visiting my cousin only to discover we were in the same neighborhood and lived close to my cousin’s house. Before visiting him for the first time at home, he had already told his family he had a girlfriend. (I had no idea I was his girlfriend) yet, that was how the family saw me. No one dared to ask. They passed funny jokes whenever I visited. (I left the area and returned years later). He still held on to me as ‘his girlfriend’ all that time. I was living my life.

Long story short, one night while escorting me home he said when I get a job, I will use my first few months’ salary to marry you. I laughed so hard because I knew he seemed too good a guy for me, (WE WERE NOT OFFICIALLY DATING. I still saw him as a ‘good friend’. I couldn’t see myself marrying him. He was too quiet for my liking. Truly to his words, he went to my sister one day and told her he wants to marry me; went ahead to my elder brother to inform him about his intentions to marry me. Note: no member of my family knew I was dating; neither was aware I had a serious boyfriend, except my big sister, who knows the men (general) in my life. The first time my family met him officially was the day of the ‘knocking’.

He had informed his family but I was the last person to know I was about to get married. When his father and Auntie called me to inform me, I was upset, and confronted him about it. He was confident I am the only woman he wants to be with. I gave them my own date to be married, as their notice was about a month ahead to the proposed date. I requested for a few more months. We got married within four months after his intention was made known. Our 14 years together has never seen any misunderstanding; he hates confrontation and he is a man of very few words. He is the worst person to pick a quarrel with because he won’t utter a word. A friend once told me you both are like oil and water. I am an extrovert and he is like a ‘TOTAL LOCKDOWN’; that’s if that can describe an extreme introvert. He lives in the shadows. He joins me on my night life, and I am like his ‘bad influence’. I taught him how to drink alcohol, socialize, club; how to express his anger, and also, talking to women without fear of offending them. Not all women are rude when approached. It depends on how you come at them.

Ask me about an Angel and I will point to him; he says he wanted a wife but got a social media manager too, (you send him WhatsApp messages and he takes months to reply. I have to check his messages for him. I don’t know about happily ever, but I am a happily spoiled wife. Marriage to him is like having a roommate who does all the work, while you take compliments. I live a simple life with him. I married him with a leap of faith in him. He is a man that met all my checklist: tribe, same taste in music, loves domestic chores; he is faithful, loves movies; he has a lovely skin color; very empathetic, and started life with me from the ground up. We had the exact country themed wedding I dreamed of. We are building a future together, but whatever happens in the future I am proud and glad I met a man who defines marriage as a commandment of commitment. He once said to me you are the woman I am having my every first with.

Least I forget, our poetic note book was our marriage wows. We’ve been married for 10 years now. Our wedding song was “When God Made You”. He is a man with no flaws, dignity, and the humblest to ever walk this earth. Whenever there is chaos, he is that ‘silver lining’. Mr. EC, may God bless you a million times. If you miss heaven, I will blame God; if I depart this earth some day before you, I want you to move on with your life, and enjoy it to the fullest. I promise to learn how to drive so you can stay home and enjoy your lockdown in peace. Allow me to also do the domestic chores; my mum says you make me lazy. Judith says you are a diplomatic person so I should allow you to do your things while I do my controversial things. Gizz said if you become a pastor someday, we will be poor because you can’t take offertory, and would probably give out all our savings.

Image Credit: Andres Ayrton

THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

The driver’s name is Eddie. His car’s number is GS 7443-21. He was the ride I ordered to the airport. I was very late, and so I wasn’t really present in the vehicle with him. I knew he was trying to build on a conversation with me, but I was behind time and wasn’t interested. Mr. Dave, I am in my second marriage, he said. Suddenly, I was interested; there was a story to be told. I am sharing his story because I sought for his consent. Secondly, there are lessons to be learned from his experience. He is in his mid-40’s, and was married to his first wife for 10 years. They could not have children.

According to Eddie, children are a gift from GOD. I wasn’t bothered that we couldn’t have any in my first marriage. I had trust in GOD, and was hoping my ex-wife could trust in Him, my commitment to her and our marriage. He says it really hurt him that the woman he loved with all of his heart, a woman he never for once even considered cheating on or disrespecting, chose to end their marriage. He is of the view that, our society has influenced some women to place a high value on childbearing in marriages – to the extent that, it is so ingrained in their reasoning, they often forget there is a spouse, a man, to be loved also. He says he married his ex-wife because he loved her; children were not his major reason for marriage. He loved his commitment to her; he loved the idea of spending the rest of his life on earth with her in it. He was with her because he wanted to be with her. Unfortunately, his ex-wife had a different expectation for their marriage.

Eddie says, some people will end up being childless because they worry too much to rather focus on the now, the very people loving on them in the present. He believes that societal pressure to become a mother ate into the mind of his ex, that she allowed it to almost measure her worthiness as a woman. The marriage became very unhealthy for the woman because she wanted something different: a real man who could get her pregnant. And so, after 10 years of marriage, she asked her family to return his drinks to his family. The families both asked if had done her any wrong, and she said no. Eddie says, in the presence of both families, he went on his knees, begging her to reconsider. He refused to accept her decision, but she wasn’t interested in the marriage. He kept insisting for a real reason why she wanted out. She finally informed him and their families that, she was no longer in love with him.

Mr. Dave, that was what made me stop pleading with her. I had to understand and respect the fact that, she did not love me anymore. When a woman tells you that she doesn’t love you, let her go. Don’t force your feelings on her. said Eddie. Somehow, he found the confidence to agree to the divorce. His ex-wife also got the confidence to leave, because she had made it clear that she felt trapped. Eddie says, the dissolution of the marriage made all his anxieties about not having the chance of a family even worse. He lost weight, lost his appetite for food; he had a few thousands of cedis saved, and did not know how all that money finished within days. He contemplated on suicide many times. His heart had been broken into pieces.

There was no getting around the divorce because it shook him to his very foundations, causing him to question his confidence level, and even his faith in GOD, women and love. The experience was horrible, terrible for him. All this happened to him in 2019. In 2020, he had learned how to grapple with the pain of rejection and was almost done mourning a lost love, when he met his current wife. He knew he liked this new woman. She makes me want to smile for no reason. I think that was part of the reasons why I found her to be interesting. She was nothing like my ex-wife. he said.

His now Mrs. intentionally became a daily feature in his life just so he could have a dose of real laughter. He allowed the laughter to shape his new found interest into a beautiful friendship, and then, love. Her friendship helped him to return to the things he used to love doing. He then gradually started to lose himself in this good woman who made him smile every day. They got married, and have a one-and-a-half-year-old child. He says, his wife is currently pregnant.

Every relationship (be it good or bad) has something for us to learn. Eddie accepted that his first marriage had ended. He took baby steps and moved on with his life. He is now picturing how to better give and receive with his new wife. I asked him if he knew about his ex-wife’s whereabouts; he says she calls him once or twice every week to check on him. She’s single and has no kids yet. He says she sometimes asks if he misses her too. When I alighted, I was curious in knowing, whether or not he misses the ex.

Mr. Dave, right now as we speak, I miss my wife and child. I can’t wait to close for the day and rush home to help with the house. said Eddie.

Image Credit: David Bondze-Mbir

EUGENIA’S GRANDPA

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I was having lunch this week with myself somewhere. Four tables ahead of me was an old man and his granddaughter. The young lady couldn’t stop staring at me. I knew she probably recognized me from Facebook. And I was right! She smiled while talking to her grandfather, and at the same time, staring at me. I smiled back and she walked to me. She is a follower of my page and really enjoys reading from here. I expressed my appreciation and she introduced herself, Eugenia.

She returned to her table and said something to her grandfather. The old guy turned to look at me. He signaled me to join their table. “My granddaughter says you’re a relationship counselor?”

No, I am not a counselor. I just have a platform that allows people to share their relationship experiences. He was delighted to know. He asked what made me start my Facebook page, and how it’s going. I responded to his questions and he was really pleased. I got to also know that he had been married for 57 years, until recently (2019) when he lost his wife. I asked him what kept his marriage going for that long. “I was always making sure I had a reason to feel great about my wife and marriage” he said.

He said, intentionally choosing to fall in love with his late wife changed a whole lot about the way he perceived things. An example he cited was, moments he knew he should or could have easily snapped at his wife for getting on his last nerve, he couldn’t. And that was because it had been his daily goal to be even excited about the idea of his wife eventually getting on his nerves. Meaning, he had had a good laugh about his wife provoking him in his mind already before it actually even manifested in real time. And when it did happen, it became more enjoyable to him to see his patience level tested to win.

He says he chose to look at everything that should have ordinarily, gotten him peeved with new eyes and understanding. He was willing to please his wife, no matter what. Things he wouldn’t have previously cared for/about, now became activities he wanted to partake, simply because his late wife enjoyed them. The other important statement he made was on TIME spent with his wife; his daily mandate, we should not forget – was to find something great about his wife and marriage. He spent as much time with his lady as possible. He said, “even when I knew work and other engagements were keeping me busy, I found myself making arrangements in order to schedule quality time to be spent with my wife.”

Even though he said he was in love with his late wife, his feelings for her weren’t always on the high. There were times those very same feelings settled or mellowed into different feels and actions. There were days he confessed he just ‘loved’ her, and was not necessarily ‘in love’ with her. This stage he says didn’t affect his goal of finding something great to feel about her and their marriage. It’s at this stage that he wouldn’t stop stressing on SACRIFICE; making sacrifices for the sake of the one you love.

And because the love was mutual, his late wife felt the same about him too, and was doing unto him, what was done to, and for her. I asked the last question on my mind before we started eating: ‘did you ever have to be with another woman to fulfil a need you felt your wife was lacking?’

His answer was “No!” His daily goal was to find something great about his wife to be excited about, and he always found something to keep him thinking and smiling, and fussing, and looking forward to telling her about it every evening, before bed.

“Me and my wife flirted a lot. Before phones and computers, we were writing ourselves little notes that we hid in each other’s bags, pockets or books that we took to work. It was like a puzzle game, because I was always searching for her note every day – to keep me smiling and thinking of her.”

He made me understand that, sex was good in their relationship. And though it could have been better, he wouldn’t complain, regardless. He made sure to be home on time to help reduce his wife’s stresses, because she also was working. His support at home helped clear her mind, and was setting her in the mood for intimacy with him. He believes, sex with his wife always started outside of the bedroom.

Image Credits: Dids

UNDENIABLY SEXY AND MYSTERIOUS

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Mr. Dave, hi!

What I do for a living looks like prostitution but I am a lady with an MSc. in Accounting and Finance. I love sex, yes, but I have big dreams too. Most of my clients are married men. I want to focus on other things; marriage is not part of my expectations. Dave, I am happy and satisfied with what I do and I don’t want to change what’s working for me by complicating things with marriage and children.

I am sending you this message because one of my clients wants to marry me. He knows my mother and has gone to tell her about his plans for me. He knows I give sex for money. He was married when he became a client but is divorced now. After his first booking, he wanted more of me, and so he booked me for himself for six months and paid. I got pregnant and aborted. I didn’t tell him about it. Six months is over and he wants to book another six months service. Old clients want to book my services.

Dave, If I am to calculate what I make from individual bookings in a day, I make more than the six months he pays for. Because he is someone I know and like, I don’t over charge. He can’t afford me. He doesn’t understand why I have a good job yet sleep with men. He doesn’t understand that it’s not about the money. It’s the fact that I love sex; variety of sex is what I like, not money. I love to smell different men, etc. I don’t want to marry because I don’t fancy the idea of being tied down to someone. Wedding dress, food, liquor, venue rings all these are frivolous to me; it’s cost.

Also, it’s married men patronizing my services; not only me, married men patronize the services of my friends in similar business. I can’t buy into it. My best friend’s husband got the number of my service and booked for three hours. We met and we were both surprised. Sex happened and he wants more. That is why I am writing to you, dear David. It’s complicated. He says my friend neglects his needs, and that she is more focused on the children, and she’s always tired when she comes to bed. He says there is no fun in their sex life. The sex he wants at home he doesn’t get. He says with me and other women, he’s able to express himself in whatever way he is unable to do at home with his wife. He says she doesn’t give him attention so he’s always seeking for it at work and social media.

I know my friend is not boring but he says she is. Now he’s saying he connects more with me than his wife. Dave, we just met and hit it once but he is saying there is something undeniably sexy about the mystery of me. In all honestly, I love his energy in bed. I am only worried about my friend. Should I tell her what her husband says is happening in their marriage or strictly treat this new encounter as another business? I want to do the right thing.

Image Credit: Maddy Freddie

GOOD FOR ME IS THELMA

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Wifey and I have been married for 27 years. We were not boyfriend-girlfriend. She didn’t believe in that. She wanted a friend not boyfriend. She always says, friendship has less expectations. She wasn’t asking me for money or gifts when we were friends. I gave her money and gifts because of the way she carried herself. She did not give me sex in the friendship zone. I had my first sex with her on our wedding night. I knew she had deeper feelings for me but I was so much in love with her, I couldn’t remain her friend. I had to do the honorable thing. I married her. She was 36. I was 42.

David, I have been reading from your page and some of the stories people share makes me question whether or not they were ready before settling in marriage. From my experience, I don’t think girls should marry in their 20’s. Girls need to live their fullest lives as single women till their early or mid 30’s. This is my reason: Most guys start to discover who they are and who they want to spend their lives with in their mid to late 30’s. It’s at those ages that they feel growth within themselves. It’s at that age that they appreciate sacrifice and commitment. Don’t get me wrong, I know men in their 40’s and 50’s acting stupid but Dave, most guys understand what it means to be in a serious relationship from 36 up. I love sex like a dog on heat but in my 27 years marriage, the number of times I have been a couple with my wife outnumbers our sexual escapes times a million. Sex is great in marriage, but sex is not everything. That’s why when I read from the guys and girls cheating because of sex, I am convinced they weren’t ready to be married.

It’s okay to be single and content till you’re ready to be responsible. I married Thelma because I wanted to be her provider. My wife is a lawyer. She did not need my money then. She doesn’t need my money now. But as her husband, I am her provider. When we used to rent, I never asked her to contribute to rent or bills. Now we live the good life. When I lost my job, she stepped in for three years to be my provider. I knew where my wife was going in life and I believed she was worthy of a man who believed in her dreams. Later, I found out that I am deserving of a woman who is worthy of where I am going, and that was my Thelma.

Young people should not be rushing into marriage. Be patient. Wait. Have time for yourself. Grow, earn on your own merit, hard work and save. Have fun; make friends and don’t think so much about having a boyfriend or girlfriend. When you’re ready to marry, marry that friend who is good for you.

Image Credit: Alex Green

LOOKING BACK AT ME

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I don’t even know how to start my story, but I need to get it off my chest. I remember being sexually abused at four or five years old. Even though I was just a child, I remember he was a friend to my family; especially with my big sister. He was the type I could go to his room and my parents wouldn’t be bothered. All that I could remember was, he made me sit on his lap and he would insert his fingers in my private parts. I can’t remember the exact times it happened but I know I didn’t tell anyone about it. I can’t remember if he threatened me or not but I couldn’t tell my parents or siblings.

Unfortunately for me too, he left the town as I was growing up, and so I actually forgot about the whole incident. Fast forward to about age nine or ten; my cousin from my father’s side came to live with us. She was about four years older than me. We got along a lot and almost did everything together. Anytime we played, I remember letting her insert her fingers in my private part and sometimes too, I did same to her. It continued for a while. My mom was the strict type, so I couldn’t open up to her like I was supposed to. As little as I was, my mom thought I was sleeping around and was always ready to beat me.

I found solace in my cousin and rather told her my problems. She was the first person I ran to when I first menstruated. I knew a lot at age 11 concerning sex, even though I had not done it before. Well, I’m sure it’s the type of friends I made in school. I had a boyfriend all this while, but we never did anything sexual. Eventually, I lost my virginity at age 13. The sad thing I told my self was, I have done well; at least, I’m 13 and all those around me had done it, so what was I waiting for?

31-12-08 to 1-01-2009: I gave it all to my then ‘serious boyfriend’. From there, I had a series of relationships; most of them, I would go in with my all but along the line, I would say what if he cheats? Why don’t I add another one in case…. After high school, I had slept with about 20 men. I went to tertiary and had about six different relationships, which all led to sex. I don’t know if it was desperation or I was just being plain stupid. I really crave for love but I’m mostly left or I leave. I had so much pride in me that, I would rather replace you than to apologize or talk things out.

Those that I was willing to apologize to also didn’t want me anymore. At age 26, I had a body count of 40 sexual partners, with five abortions to my credit. Three out of the five abortions were for a married man. Tell me, am I not stupid? As at now, I have a job; but even with that, I slept with my boss for it. I gathered courage and broke up with the married man but recently, we have gotten in contact because the guy I left him for is in the States and even that one kraa, I have slept with someone else with the aim that, the US guy won’t take me seriously. Unfortunately, the new guy doesn’t really seem to be serious about me or want anything. He’s scared I guess! I actually look organized, but deep down, I’m not.

The married man I was dating has started calling me and giving me attention again. The US guy has also started acting up because he claims since he went, we haven’t had video sex; mind you – he was here in July and we had a lot of sex. In all, I feel so lonely; I feel I have wasted my life and I feel I would never be loved genuinely. Am I desperate? I’m now working and my salary is okay. Apart from the married man, I have never really been asking for help from guys I date. I break down any time I remember how I have cheapened myself. I really crave for love, especially now that I feel I’m ready to forsake everything and start all over again. But how?

I always believed I am a strong person but sometimes, the strongest gets weak. I have always wanted to talk to people but I’ve got trust issues. I am sharing this here to get this horrible life and secret out of my chest. In all, I blame myself and my mom because honestly, she failed me and I pray I don’t ever fail my children if I ever have any. I want to be their best friend. I want my future kids to always come to me without fear, and I don’t want my children to repeat my mistakes. I pray for forgiveness all the time and I pray true love finds me; and when it does, hopefully, I would be able to see it clearly and give my all without messing it up.

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