Abstinence – David B

Her Kinda Person

Written by David B on August 5, 2026. Posted in Blog. Leave a Comment

Nana Yaa: David

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM: Hey, Nana Yaa. How are you doing?

Nana Yaa: Fine. You?

DBM: I am doing alright, thanks. How is your boyfriend?

Nana Yaa: He’s fine

DBM: The ‘girlfriend’ status is now officially claimed, no?

Nana Yaa: It has

DBM: Glad to know

Nana Yaa: I like him very much

DBM: I figured.

Nana Yaa: Thanks for hooking us up

DBM: Well, I did not hook you up. You expressed interest in him after his post, and I just connected you

Nana Yaa: He’s my taste I swear. He’s fine

DBM: I’m happy for you. What about his post got you interested?

Nana Yaa: The way he expressed himself ignited laughter. I laughed about the part he talked about his roster. At first, I thought it was a corny joke.

DBM: Really? Because I didn’t find a man who rotates ladies he’s sleeping with to be funny.

Nana Yaa: It wasn’t funny but somehow, his honesty was the real knockout move for me

DBM: I see. How far with the whole ‘sex’ conversation?

Nana Yaa: I’m not having sex with anyone who isn’t my husband.

DBM: Are you a virgin?

Nana Yaa: No

DBM: Okay!

Nana Yaa: I know that is what he’s finding difficult to understand but Dave, if a man is not ready to recognize or respect my principles and faith, then he does not want to really know me.

DBM: I agree with you

Nana Yaa: He’s promised to stay the pace

DBM: And you believe he can?

Nana Yaa: He should be able to. So far, he’s proven to be a man who keeps to his word. He hasn’t said anything to me that he hasn’t done yet. His words so far have value.

DBM: Have you kissed?

Nana Yaa: We have kissed. I like the way he kisses me. He’s always asking ‘can I kiss you?’ before making a move on me. This is the first time I am dating a man who asks for my consent before kissing me.

DBM: That’s sweet of him. Practicing boundaries with a partner and respecting theirs is confirmation of how they make you feel safe and respected.

Nana Yaa: He’s very sweet. I feel safe and comfortable with him

DBM: Have you met any of his friends?

Nana Yaa: Yes. And he’s met my best friends

DBM: What do you appreciate about him?

Nana Yaa: He doesn’t pretend

DBM: I believe that. Lol!

Nana Yaa: What you see is what you get. But most significantly, he satisfies me emotionally. I am aware of his need to be physical with me but I am not there yet. I hope that someday I would be able to satisfy him sexually.

DBM: People are different and we have different needs.

Nana Yaa: Yes

DBM: What is most important is that you try your best to fulfill him and make him feel at peace, and someday, satisfied.

Nana Yaa: Yes

DBM: Do you trust him?

Nana Yaa: I trust him. I have seen how he has my best interest at heart

DBM: Do you believe he likes you as much?

Nana Yaa: I think so. I’ve never felt like I need to put on an act to get him interested in me. I can be myself around him. And he calls my phone four times in a day, just to check on me. What does that say about him?

DBM: He likes you for sure. When a man genuinely is that much into you, he would want to hear your voice a lot more than once. How did your first date with him go?

Nana Yaa: I didn’t want it to end. We talked, and danced. Lol!

DBM: Aha! Lol!

Nana Yaa: It’s pretty hard to resist a tall, 52-year-old lawyer who is clueless about his dance moves being mediocre.

DBM: Lol! He can’t dance?

Nana Yaa: Don’t laugh at my man. Can you dance?

DBM: No!

Nana Yaa: He can’t also dance.

DBM: Has he been clearer about exactly what he wants from you?

Nana Yaa: He wants to get married someday

DBM: To you?

Nana Yaa: Yes. He extended an invitation to me to move in with him.

DBM: Really?

Nana Yaa: Yes

DBM: Where do you stand on cohabitation before marriage?

Nana Yaa: I declined the offer.

DBM: Why is that? Too soon?

Nana Yaa: It’s been two months since we started talking. I am enjoying getting to know him. And I need my space to be doing that efficiently. Men easily feel smothered when you’re in their business. I’ve lived with a man who loved me before until he was fed up having me around his home all the time. I want to be in a man’s home like I live there after he’s married me.

DBM: Aside that, nothing else is holding you back?

Nana Yaa: I like things the way they are with us. I don’t have to be auditioning as a live-in wife. What would be your intention as a man to ask someone to move in with you?

DBM: The only person who has ever moved in with me is my spouse. We tried that for three months, after dating for almost a year. I needed to understand what it meant to share my space and home with someone else. I hadn’t done it before. The thought of losing my closet space, my independence, my personal space etc. My spouse is a bit messy and doesn’t see the need to clean stuff up right there and then. I am the direct opposite. So, you can only imagine how things easily went south. When I lived alone, I didn’t have to consider the needs and desires of another human being before making the simplest of decision. But I had to, in our three months trial. It took a lot of consideration and discussion, but ….

Nana Yaa: Did it influence your decision to get married?

DBM: No, but it confirmed something I already knew

Nana Yaa: What?

DBM: That I was willing to take the next step in the relationship with my partner. I could spend the rest of my life with babe’s character. Being with someone you care about outweighs the sacrifice of personal freedom.

Nana Yaa: Ok

DBM: I had always wanted to ask this question: his initial post was desiring of a lady between the ages of 25 and 35. You’re 38 years old, no?

Nana Yaa: I’m a risk taker. That’s how I learn. Risks come with consequences. I can never know something is for me until I actually try to claim it. The men I thought were worth jumping for weren’t there to catch me. This guy doesn’t look like he’s worth jumping for. I may end up even with a broken limb or heart but he’s a risk I am willing to leap one more time.

Image Credit: Leonardo Moncao

Still A Virgin

Written by David B on August 31, 2025. Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

Veliane: Dave

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Hi

Veliane: Are you free?

DBM: For now, yeah! How are you?

Veliane: I’m great. Yourself?

DBM: I am doing alright, thanks.

Veliane: What’s your take on virginity?

DBM: You’re a virgin?

Veliane: I am

DBM: How old are you?

Veliane: 39

DBM: Oh nice! Congratulations!

Veliane: Lol

DBM: I’m serious.

Veliane: It doesn’t feel like a great feat to attain

DBM: What makes you say that?

Veliane: I’m still single. Lol!

DBM: And, that’s also okay

Veliane: Ok, while my biological clock ticks by the day?

DBM: Would you rather be having sex with people you’re not really sure about?

Veliane: I’ve been sure about a couple of guys I’ve dated in the past. Not giving in to their desire to be intimate with me broke us up.

DBM: You mind me asking why you’re holding on to your virginity?

Veliane: I want to experience sex only in marriage.

DBM: And, do you tell these guys your reason when they demand for sex?

Veliane: Yes

DBM: Do you feel pressured to have sex when in a serious relationship?

Veliane: All the time.

DBM: It’s a good thing to strongly understand your own desires. You should be proud of the fact that you have chosen to be true to yourself and not give in to the unnecessary pressures just to blend in.

Veliane: So, what really is your take on virginity?

DBM: I don’t think a woman’s value should be tied to her sexual innocence or lack thereof. Your body is your own and no one should have ownership over it except for you. Similarly, your body should not be controlled or delimited – as if it were a societal commodity.

Veliane: I agree with you.

DBM: If you feel like preserving it for the right person, preserve it for the right person.

Veliane: Since you’re a man, can you explain why men make a big deal out of sex when they’re in a relationship with us?

DBM: First off, it’s not every man that would make a big deal out of sex. I love sex when I want to have sex, but I am not crazy about sex. And then there are the others that only find that sense of peace and homecoming when a woman they’re attracted to, takes them all in – into her body. Men want to be wanted. Men want to be seen. Men want to be touched. Men want to be held. Men want their hearts and souls to be safe in your hands. Sex to a man is that safe space where he can trust your environment enough to take refuge in. We glory in that opening to find relaxation inside of you. Sex with a willing partner feels like we are intentionally being cared for. And that, we sometimes interpret as love.

Veliane: Can a man also feel loved in a relationship without sex?

DBM: In a relationship, sure; in marriage, I don’t think so. It takes a lot of courage, time and maturity for a man to want to settle down with you in a marriage. If he can be that vulnerable to want to choose you to be that partner, he is willing to do the rest of his life with, then you should be open to accepting and receiving all of his vulnerabilities. Sex with you is one of those.

Veliane: Some of my friends who are married discuss in our group pages that their husbands don’t give them orgasm. What if I marry or have sex and I don’t get to experience that ultimate satisfaction?

DBM: I think orgasms are cool but should it be the main reason why we have sex? No! I’d rather focus on experiencing that feel of trust and safety in a partner I am intimate with. That should be more satisfying, I think. If I am safe with someone, I am pleased. If I feel like I can trust someone, my heart will be at peace.

Veliane: Is sex outside of marriage a sin?

DBM: Sex is a choice you make, whether in marriage or outside of it. If you’re not engaging in sex because of your faith, then continue to choose GOD over sex. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if you’re willing to experience sex, then be willing to lose that faith you have held so dear to your heart your entire life. Religion should not make you feel damaged or broken, if you choose not to remain a virgin until marriage. Your worth as a woman, is so much more than just a hymen.

Veliane: How do I make a man understand and not feel rejected when I refuse them sex in a relationship?

DBM: You do not owe any man who is not married to you, sex or even fidelity. You choose to want to honor them in both ways. You need to first believe in that, and others would. When you value what you stand for, they ought to tag along if they have an iota of respect for you. Because they’d listen and hear your no and its reasons, and would have to appreciate your boundaries. A man who genuinely, is that much into you would value your opinions about sex. He would know that you respect yourself enough to not want to tolerate anything less than you deserve. If he is deserving of you, he wouldn’t suggest or do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable in the relationship. What you will and will not accept should be that clear to him, right from the onset. You need to feel whole, with or without the approval of men.

Veliane: Sometimes, I get very sad when they go silent on me because of that.

DBM: When a man suddenly doesn’t think you’re worth pursuing anymore, it doesn’t matter; because you know you are worth pursuing, regardless.

Veliane: Dave, are you a counselor?

DBM: I am not. I am just passionate about certain things.

Veliane: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Image Credit: RDNE Stock project